Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum  

Go Back   Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum > Non Cigar Specialty Forums > Misc > Jokes

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-25-2010, 06:42 AM   #21
Blueface
Gramps 4x's
 
Blueface's Avatar
4
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Horatio Seymore Hiny
Location: Boca Raton - North of La Habana
Posts: 8,774
Trading: (8)
Bolivar
Blueface has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines

"Hey babe, what's your sign?
I'm feces.
My friends call me #2.
I am sorry.
That was very forward of me.
I am very drunk.
For all I know you are are freaking ugly."

Love that line from comedian Bob Nelson. Classic!
__________________
Little known fact: I am a former member of the Village People - The Indian
Blueface is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 02:19 PM   #22
OLS
Suck It
 
OLS's Avatar
2
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Brad
Location: TN
Posts: 7,912
Trading: (19)
Bolivar AirForce (Served With Honor)
OLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Opening lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by MajorCaptSilly View Post
"Excuse me but I seem to have lost the keys for my vintage 1973 AMC Gremlin. Would you have time to help me find them? I'll let you drive it."

MCS
Oh man I miss my Gremlin X in Metallic Forest Green with gold accents. I'd LOVE
to have that car today. It's the 66 Goat I REALLY miss, though.

Now that I have mentioned it and broken the ice taboo, "Wanna get HIGH?" used to REALLY
work back in the 80's and I hear it worked in the 70's too. I wouldn't know until 1979, however.
And now I can't inhale anything.
OLS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 04:56 PM   #23
AD720
I'm nuts for the place
 
AD720's Avatar
1
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Andrew
Location: The City of BOTL-erly Love
Posts: 2,684
Trading: (73)
Partagas
AD720 is a jewel in the roughAD720 is a jewel in the roughAD720 is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: Opening lines

You have to purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.
__________________
AD720 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 04:59 PM   #24
replicant_argent
Gravy Boat Winnah.
 
replicant_argent's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Pete
Location: my attorney has advised against giving this information to insane people
Posts: 5,326
Trading: (22)
LGC
replicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to all
Default Re: Opening lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by AD720 View Post
You have to purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.
Too many drunken boaters for that.
__________________
www.stogietorch.com
Some days call for a stiff Pomade.
replicant_argent is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 05:12 PM   #25
Starscream
Knowhutimean, Vern?
 
Starscream's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Andy
Location: In a little town somewhere in the USA
Posts: 10,237
Trading: (4)
Partagas
Starscream is a splendid one to beholdStarscream is a splendid one to beholdStarscream is a splendid one to beholdStarscream is a splendid one to beholdStarscream is a splendid one to beholdStarscream is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Opening lines

"Will you go to the Prom with me?" That's what worked for me a very long time ago. Haven't needed a pickup line since.
__________________

Insert quote here.
Starscream is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 05:21 PM   #26
longknocker
Postwhore
 
longknocker's Avatar
15
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Greg
Location: Mobile, Alabama
Posts: 11,162
Trading: (82)
Cohiba
longknocker has a brilliant futurelongknocker has a brilliant futurelongknocker has a brilliant futurelongknocker has a brilliant futurelongknocker has a brilliant futurelongknocker has a brilliant futurelongknocker has a brilliant futurelongknocker has a brilliant futurelongknocker has a brilliant futurelongknocker has a brilliant futurelongknocker has a brilliant future
Default Re: Opening lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lear31MX View Post
Nce shoes, want to ........(insert your own vernacular)
A Good Friend Of Mine Used That Line At Work After A Young Lady Presented With A New Boob Job And Was "Written Up"!
longknocker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 05:31 PM   #27
Jack1000
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Opening lines

"You know what would look good on you?....



...me."
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 06:23 PM   #28
Wolfgang
Back from the dead
 
Wolfgang's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Tampa, Fl
Posts: 2,541
Trading: (14)
HdM
Wolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: Opening lines

Did you just fart?..............Because you blew me away.
__________________
You probably wont remember that test you failed, but you'll never forget the girl you were with the night before, when you decided not to study.
Wolfgang is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 06:31 PM   #29
macsauce13
Have My Own Room
 
macsauce13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
First Name: McKenzie
Location: Lexington, KY
Posts: 1,107
Trading: (38)
macsauce13 has a spectacular aura aboutmacsauce13 has a spectacular aura about
Default Re: Opening lines

I have always gotten cute/sweet as opposed to hot/sexy so I have always tried to play it to my advantage.

"Hey, I know this is random and you don't know me, but I'd really like to know you." Insert appropriate emphasis on 'you' and I'm going to be honest, its a little corny, a lot embarrassing, but I haven't done too bad.
macsauce13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 06:48 PM   #30
markem
Bunion
 
markem's Avatar
16
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Mark
Location: Second Star on the Right
Posts: 22,622
Trading: (47)
HUpmann
markem has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines

My name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father. Prepare to die.

If they know the movie, you are so in. Great conversation starter.
__________________
I refuse to belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
~ Groucho Marx
markem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 07:10 PM   #31
MajorCaptSilly
Sklee
 
MajorCaptSilly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Scott
Location: Mishawaka, IN
Posts: 2,523
Trading: (30)
Bolivar
MajorCaptSilly has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines

Two words: Flank Steak.

MCS
__________________
Pillsbury, Minneapolis, Prince, Spoon Bridge and Cherry, coinkydink?
MajorCaptSilly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 07:45 PM   #32
RightAJ
Here Franky Franky
 
RightAJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
First Name: aj
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 915
Trading: (3)
RA
RightAJ will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Opening lines



GET OVER HERE!

aj
__________________
My Blog-> ajstogies.blogspot.com
Beer Blog->thehopscribe.blogspot.com
RightAJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 08:02 PM   #33
bigdix
Cigarmurai
 
bigdix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
First Name: Dan
Location: Oki
Posts: 669
Trading: (1)
Trinidad AirForce (Active)
bigdix will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Opening lines

My buddy used the following at a bar one night....it worked! "So, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled...or fertilized?"
__________________
There's no secret handshake. There's an IQ prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake.
bigdix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 08:21 PM   #34
SaltyMcGee
Gone munting...
 
SaltyMcGee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Jared
Location: C-Bus, OH
Posts: 334
Trading: (3)
SLR
SaltyMcGee will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Opening lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack1000 View Post
"You know what would look good on you?....



...me."
You stole my fav.

Ron Burgundy: I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back.
I want to be on you.

[Veronica turns and walks away]

Ron Burgundy: Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I... I WANNA BE ON YOU.
__________________
"It's a simple question doctor, would you eat the moon if it were made of ribs!?"
SaltyMcGee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 08:22 PM   #35
Wolfgang
Back from the dead
 
Wolfgang's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Tampa, Fl
Posts: 2,541
Trading: (14)
HdM
Wolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: Opening lines

I like your dress, but it would look better on my floor.
__________________
You probably wont remember that test you failed, but you'll never forget the girl you were with the night before, when you decided not to study.
Wolfgang is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 08:28 PM   #36
Ogre
****CENSORED****
 
Ogre's Avatar
7
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
First Name: Larry
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 12,068
Trading: (46)
Montecristo
Ogre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant future
Default Re: Opening lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolfgang View Post
I like your dress, but it would look better on my floor.
You had me worried for a moment, thought you were going to say it would look better on you!!!
Ogre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 09:49 PM   #37
Wolfgang
Back from the dead
 
Wolfgang's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Tampa, Fl
Posts: 2,541
Trading: (14)
HdM
Wolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: Opening lines

HAHA! The thought of that worries me.
__________________
You probably wont remember that test you failed, but you'll never forget the girl you were with the night before, when you decided not to study.
Wolfgang is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 10:04 PM   #38
76GTFan
Full Blown Section 8
 
76GTFan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 503
Trading: (9)
RA
76GTFan is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Opening lines

Hey Angel drawers.


Tune in Tokyo.

if your really desperate, just go up to every woman and ask, "Hey wanna sleep with me?" The law of probability is about 3/100.
76GTFan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-15-2010, 10:06 PM   #39
Ogre
****CENSORED****
 
Ogre's Avatar
7
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
First Name: Larry
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 12,068
Trading: (46)
Montecristo
Ogre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant future
Default Re: Opening lines

Quote:
Originally Posted by 76GTFan View Post
Hey Angel drawers.


Tune in Tokyo.

if your really desperate, just go up to every woman and ask, "Hey wanna sleep with me?" The law of probability is about 3/100.
But can you handle the 97/100 slaps??????
Ogre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-16-2010, 08:55 AM   #40
Wolfgang
Back from the dead
 
Wolfgang's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Tampa, Fl
Posts: 2,541
Trading: (14)
HdM
Wolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the roughWolfgang is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: Opening lines

Life's a *****, because if it was a slut it would be easy.
__________________
You probably wont remember that test you failed, but you'll never forget the girl you were with the night before, when you decided not to study.
Wolfgang is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:28 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All content is copyrighted jointly by Cigar Asylum and the content provider.