Speeding

Ogre · 01-18-2014, 08:25 PM

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed under a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
... The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just exactly does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket $200.00
Court Costs $100.00
Look on the Cop's Face......Priceless...:P

Porch Dweller · 01-18-2014, 08:31 PM

big_jaygee · 01-18-2014, 08:32 PM

thats great Larry

CigarNut · 01-18-2014, 09:52 PM

MrClean · 01-18-2014, 09:55 PM

Good one Larry!

icehog3 · 01-18-2014, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ogre

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

And if he was 4 inches taller and scored 2 points lower on the Public Service exam, he could have been a fireman.

pnoon · 01-18-2014, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

And if he was 4 inches taller and scored 2 points lower on the Public Service exam, he could have been a fireman.

Bazinga!

kelmac07 · 01-19-2014, 07:42 AM

longknocker · 01-19-2014, 08:52 AM

Ogre · 01-19-2014, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

And if he was 4 inches taller and scored 2 points lower on the Public Service exam, he could have been a fireman.

Jokes like this are not made about firemen. That's because people actually LIKE us.

Subvet642 · 01-19-2014, 10:28 AM

Yeah, that's what you wanna be; some pissed-off cop's personal project.

cmitch · 01-19-2014, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ogre

Jokes like this are not made about firemen. That's because people actually LIKE us.

Da dump, shing!

icehog3 · 01-19-2014, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ogre

Jokes like this are not made about firemen. That's because trees actually LIKE us.

Fixed it, ya big lug.

Remo · 01-19-2014, 02:13 PM

Funny joke Larry....at least you Firemen have heroes

01-18-2014, 08:25 PM	#1
Ogre **CENSORED** Join Date: Apr 2010 First Name: Larry Location: Central Florida Posts: 12,068 Trading: (46)	Speeding While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed under a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. ... The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just exactly does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket $200.00 Court Costs $100.00 Look on the Cop's Face......Priceless...:P __________________

01-18-2014, 08:31 PM	#2
Porch Dweller Life is for living Join Date: Oct 2012 First Name: James Location: Mississippi Gulf Coast Posts: 8,671 Trading: (24)	Re: Speeding __________________ A 1911 in the hand is faster than 911 on the phone

01-18-2014, 08:32 PM	#3
big_jaygee I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Dec 2012 First Name: Jason Location: Houston Posts: 3,914 Trading: (59)	Re: Speeding thats great Larry

01-18-2014, 09:52 PM	#4
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: Speeding __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

01-18-2014, 09:55 PM	#5
MrClean Bald Man Join Date: Sep 2011 First Name: Jeff Location: KC MO Posts: 2,229 Trading: (28)	Re: Speeding Good one Larry!

01-19-2014, 07:42 AM	#8
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Speeding __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

01-19-2014, 08:52 AM	#9
longknocker Postwhore Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Greg Location: Mobile, Alabama Posts: 11,233 Trading: (82)	Re: Speeding

01-19-2014, 10:28 AM	#11
Subvet642 Bilge Rat Join Date: Nov 2009 First Name: Darren Location: Torpedo Room Bilge Posts: 2,997 Trading: (13)	Re: Speeding Yeah, that's what you wanna be; some pissed-off cop's personal project. __________________ *"Man's mind is his basic tool of survival. Life is given to him, survival is not." -John Galt*

01-19-2014, 02:13 PM	#14
Remo C.I.A Join Date: Feb 2011 First Name: Mike Location: Palm Harbor, Florida Posts: 12,597 Trading: (122)	Re: Speeding Funny joke Larry....at least you Firemen have heroes __________________