Puns for Educated Minds

hotreds · 03-26-2014, 08:25 PM

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.A geologist exploring an earthquake fell to his death through no fault of his own.

27.There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

DMK · 03-26-2014, 08:28 PM

As the sheep say.... BAAAAD....

Dave128 · 03-26-2014, 08:49 PM

jhedrick83 · 03-26-2014, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotreds

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

This one keeps cracking me up.

Porch Dweller · 03-26-2014, 09:54 PM

yourchoice · 03-26-2014, 10:06 PM

Forwarded this to my niece who loves a good pun.

stearns · 03-27-2014, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotreds

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

27.There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

shilala · 03-27-2014, 10:40 AM

I didn't even know I liked midget puns. Midget jokes, of course. But midget puns?

dvickery · 03-27-2014, 11:13 AM

truly ... a bun is the lowest form of wheat

.

derrek

RUNYYFan · 03-29-2014, 07:27 PM

AdamJoshua · 03-29-2014, 09:14 PM

Soooo many groaners!

03-26-2014, 08:25 PM	#1
hotreds Ephesians 2:8 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 5 miles past "Resume Speed" Posts: 11,665 Trading: (63)	Puns for Educated Minds 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 17. A backward poet writes inverse. 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine . 21. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.' 22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!' 23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.' 25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root-canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 26.A geologist exploring an earthquake fell to his death through no fault of his own. 27.There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. __________________ God loves you so much, that he made you read this, just to let you know.

03-26-2014, 08:28 PM	#2
DMK S.O.B. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Darryl Location: Hamilton, ON. Canada. Posts: 2,747 Trading: (86)	Re: Puns for Educated Minds As the sheep say.... BAAAAD.... __________________ Darryl, SOB...

03-26-2014, 08:49 PM	#3
Dave128 Sexy Dave Join Date: Feb 2009 First Name: Dave Location: Voorheesville, NY Posts: 3,922 Trading: (4)	Re: Puns for Educated Minds __________________ "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin I "heart" Boobies and Beer!

03-26-2014, 09:54 PM	#5
Porch Dweller Life is for living Join Date: Oct 2012 First Name: James Location: Mississippi Gulf Coast Posts: 8,461 Trading: (24)	Re: Puns for Educated Minds __________________ A 1911 in the hand is faster than 911 on the phone

03-26-2014, 10:06 PM	#6
yourchoice Down the stretch Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Joel Location: South Jersey Posts: 4,095 Trading: (36)	Re: Puns for Educated Minds Forwarded this to my niece who loves a good pun.

03-27-2014, 10:40 AM	#8
shilala Dear Lord, Thank You. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Scott Posts: 13,721 Trading: (252)	Re: Puns for Educated Minds I didn't even know I liked midget puns. Midget jokes, of course. But midget puns? __________________

03-27-2014, 11:13 AM	#9
dvickery Team of 1 Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: derrek Location: edson , alberta , canada Posts: 685 Trading: (0)	Re: Puns for Educated Minds truly ... a bun is the lowest form of wheat . derrek __________________ i hope i someday become the man my dog thinks i am

03-29-2014, 07:27 PM	#10
RUNYYFan Life, Liberty, Happiness Join Date: Feb 2010 First Name: Marc Location: Splitting time between Dayton, NJ and Needmore, PA Posts: 360 Trading: (0)	Re: Puns for Educated Minds __________________ Marc Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed. - Anon.

03-29-2014, 09:14 PM	#11
AdamJoshua Article 4 Free Inhabitant Join Date: Jan 2013 First Name: The Other Adam Location: Satellite Beach Posts: 14,787 Trading: (40)	Re: Puns for Educated Minds Soooo many groaners!