Probably an old one:

G G · 08-03-2013, 04:50 PM

TIME TO GO?

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my
time up?" God answered, "No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

... Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home,
she was hit by a car and died immediately.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought
you said I had another 40 years, why didn't you pull
me from out of the path of the car?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

kelmac07 · 08-03-2013, 05:14 PM

Blueface · 08-03-2013, 05:20 PM

dwoodward · 08-03-2013, 05:35 PM

Hehe, good one!

big_jaygee · 08-03-2013, 07:10 PM

CigarNut · 08-03-2013, 09:17 PM

RichardW · 08-04-2013, 12:44 AM

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido.
‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor.
‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’
‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it, give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..’
It wasn’t a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’
‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor…
‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye
and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’
‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘ Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?’
‘Freakin’ jaysus, ’twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.

.cigardude. · 08-04-2013, 09:57 AM

Both are fuuny

CigarNut · 08-04-2013, 11:58 AM

Steve · 08-07-2013, 03:20 PM

STEVE S · 08-07-2013, 03:27 PM

5newmans · 08-08-2013, 06:28 AM

08-03-2013, 04:50 PM	#1
G G BR549 Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Greg Location: Taylor, FL. Posts: 12,730 Trading: (10)	Probably an old one: TIME TO GO? A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God answered, "No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." ... Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died immediately. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years, why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the car?" God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

08-03-2013, 05:14 PM	#2
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Probably an old one: __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

08-03-2013, 05:20 PM	#3
Blueface Gramps 4x's Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Horatio Seymore Hiny Location: Boca Raton - North of La Habana Posts: 8,774 Trading: (8)	Re: Probably an old one: __________________ Little known fact: I am a former member of the Village People - The Indian

08-03-2013, 05:35 PM	#4
dwoodward Gentlemen, you may smoke! Join Date: Jul 2010 First Name: Derrick Location: South Dakota Posts: 1,868 Trading: (26)	Re: Probably an old one: Hehe, good one!

08-03-2013, 07:10 PM	#5
big_jaygee I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Dec 2012 First Name: Jason Location: Houston Posts: 3,914 Trading: (59)	Re: Probably an old one:

08-03-2013, 09:17 PM	#6
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: Probably an old one: __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

08-04-2013, 12:44 AM	#7
RichardW Committed Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: PNW Posts: 993 Trading: (10)	Re: Probably an old one: An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband’s libido. ‘What about trying Viagra?’ asked the doctor. ‘Not a chance’, she said. ‘He won’t even take an aspirin.’ ‘Not a problem,’ replied the doctor. ‘Give him an ‘Irish Viagra’. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it, give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..’ It wasn’t a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, ‘Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!’ ‘Really? What happened?’ asked the doctor… ‘Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent me cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!’ ‘Why so terrible?’ asked the doctor, ‘ Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?’ ‘Freakin’ jaysus, ’twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again. __________________ "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them ... well, I have others", Groucho Marx

08-04-2013, 09:57 AM	#8
.cigardude. Still Watching My Back Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Miami, FL. Posts: 171 Trading: (0)	Re: Probably an old one: Both are fuuny

08-04-2013, 11:58 AM	#9
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: Probably an old one: __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

08-07-2013, 03:20 PM	#10
Steve Dad Jokester Supreme Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Steve Location: 17 R 435648 3354895 Posts: 7,715 Trading: (6)	Re: Probably an old one: __________________ ...So don't sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied, Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance that tide

08-07-2013, 03:27 PM	#11
STEVE S Have My Own Room Join Date: Jan 2010 First Name: Steve Location: Coconut Creek, Fl. Posts: 1,092 Trading: (1)	Re: Probably an old one: __________________ Smoking cigars is a hobby and a great way to pass the time of day!

08-08-2013, 06:28 AM	#12
5newmans Why is all the Rum Gone? Join Date: Aug 2012 First Name: James Location: Hillsboro, MO Posts: 74 Trading: (0)	Re: Probably an old one: