Words of wisdom

SvilleKid · 10-04-2012, 10:15 AM

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to behave in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening network news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

And mine is....
I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
*

cmitch · 10-04-2012, 03:48 PM

And turds are tapered to keep your a$$hole from slamming shut!

Ogre · 10-04-2012, 03:59 PM

Jumping off a building doesnt kill you, its the sudden stop at the bottom.

Brlesq · 10-04-2012, 04:55 PM

Womens rights impress me as much as their lefts.

Col. Kurtz · 10-04-2012, 08:07 PM

31. You can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter.

10-04-2012, 10:15 AM	#1
SvilleKid Yes I am a Pirate Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 33°46′08″N 86°28′16″W / 33.76895°N 86.471037°W Posts: 2,776 Trading: (52)	Words of wisdom 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list. 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to behave in public. 6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left. 7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 8. They begin the evening network news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station. 11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks. 12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory. 17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. 19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. 20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. 21. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 26. Where there's a will, there are relatives. And mine is.... I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now. * __________________ Ceilin' fan it stirs the air, Cigar smoke does swirl. The fragrance on the pillow case, and he thinks about the girl. Thanks, JB, 1975.

10-04-2012, 03:48 PM	#2
cmitch Heads up get down Join Date: Oct 2010 First Name: Clayton Location: NW Alabama by the river Posts: 2,720 Trading: (25)	Re: Words of wisdom And turds are tapered to keep your a$$hole from slamming shut! __________________ No matter what one's status is in society, cigars are the great equalizer where the affluent and common share a love for the leaf. - Me.

10-04-2012, 03:59 PM	#3
Ogre **CENSORED** Join Date: Apr 2010 First Name: Larry Location: Central Florida Posts: 12,068 Trading: (46)	Re: Words of wisdom Jumping off a building doesnt kill you, its the sudden stop at the bottom. __________________

10-04-2012, 04:55 PM	#4
Brlesq Carpe cigar! Join Date: May 2012 First Name: Bruce Location: Upstate NY Posts: 1,023 Trading: (17)	Re: Words of wisdom Womens rights impress me as much as their lefts. __________________ Hey! How come "Habana" is written on here with a Sharpie ?!?

10-04-2012, 08:07 PM	#5
Col. Kurtz Have My Own Room Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Jerry Location: South Appleton Posts: 1,839 Trading: (26)	Re: Words of wisdom 31. You can't polish a turd, but you can roll it in glitter. __________________ Artillery Lends Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be a Vulgar Brawl