Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum  

Go Back   Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum > Non Cigar Specialty Forums > Misc > Jokes

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-03-2011, 08:33 PM   #1
manny
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default ** very brave man jokes**

- VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do Brides smile when they walk down the aisle?
They know they will never have to give oral sex again.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 08:40 PM   #2
Ogre
****CENSORED****
 
Ogre's Avatar
7
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
First Name: Larry
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 12,068
Trading: (46)
Montecristo
Ogre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant future
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

Manny, you are either not married or your wife does not read your posts!!!
__________________
Ogre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 08:45 PM   #3
manny
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

LOL... I got this from an ATV site that i visit. A girl posted these. I showed my GF and no she wasnt too happy. I dont care the couch is more comfy anyways. LOL
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 08:47 PM   #4
shilala
Dear Lord, Thank You.
 
shilala's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Scott
Posts: 13,721
Trading: (252)
Cuaba
shilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

The waist is the only one I've never heard. I laughed my guts out.
__________________
shilala is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 08:52 PM   #5
3SmokesaRound
CCCC
 
3SmokesaRound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
First Name: Bill
Location: CA
Posts: 685
Trading: (48)
RA
3SmokesaRound will become famous soon enough3SmokesaRound will become famous soon enough
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

Priceless!
3SmokesaRound is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 10:28 PM   #6
emopunker2004
Central Fla rollin
 
emopunker2004's Avatar
1
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
First Name: Justin
Location: Winter Springs, FL
Posts: 6,171
Trading: (46)
HdM
emopunker2004 is a name known to allemopunker2004 is a name known to allemopunker2004 is a name known to allemopunker2004 is a name known to allemopunker2004 is a name known to allemopunker2004 is a name known to all
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**




__________________
Cigar Asylum: Where all are equal, unless you are from CA, then you are more equal.
emopunker2004 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2011, 10:33 PM   #7
jsnake
Have My Own Room
 
jsnake's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
First Name: Jake
Location: Your mom's house
Posts: 1,309
Trading: (22)
Bolivar Army (Served With Honor)
jsnake will become famous soon enoughjsnake will become famous soon enough
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

Those could all get you in trouble.
jsnake is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2011, 04:45 PM   #8
manny
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

Quote:
Originally Posted by jsnake View Post
Those could all get you in trouble.


but they are worth it... It dont matter my couch is comfy...
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2011, 05:03 PM   #9
ade06
Have My Own Room
 
ade06's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
First Name: Ade
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 1,190
Trading: (24)
Trinidad
ade06 will become famous soon enoughade06 will become famous soon enough
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

LOL!
ade06 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2011, 05:21 PM   #10
thebayratt
Still Watching My Ash
 
thebayratt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
First Name: Shawn
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 1,326
Trading: (11)
RA
thebayratt will become famous soon enoughthebayratt will become famous soon enough
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

Awesome... funny, but true
__________________
Keep on smoking my friends! http://nicetightash.com/
thebayratt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2011, 07:40 PM   #11
Montano
Bourbon IS a food group
 
Montano's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
First Name: Nick
Location: Central Cali
Posts: 2,059
Trading: (33)
Cohiba Navy (Served With Honor)
Montano is a jewel in the roughMontano is a jewel in the roughMontano is a jewel in the roughMontano is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do Brides smile when they walk down the aisle?
They know they will never have to give oral sex again.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

__________________
Montano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2011, 08:15 PM   #12
HollywoodQue
Invictus
 
HollywoodQue's Avatar
7
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
First Name: Howard
Location: In the "D"
Posts: 3,123
Trading: (46)
Bolivar Navy (Served With Honor)
HollywoodQue is just really niceHollywoodQue is just really niceHollywoodQue is just really niceHollywoodQue is just really niceHollywoodQue is just really nice
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

Good stuff
HollywoodQue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2011, 10:07 AM   #13
Skywalker
BABOTL
 
Skywalker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Dice
Location: Galaxy Far Far Away
Posts: 10,168
Trading: (18)
Partagas
Skywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud ofSkywalker has much to be proud of
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

That's not right!!!

But I'm
__________________

Smoke what you like!!!
Skywalker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2011, 10:10 AM   #14
botlJack
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

How do you turn your dishwasher into a snow blower? Tell your wife to get a shovel.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2011, 10:39 AM   #15
irratebass
EMPEROR TOMPKINS
 
irratebass's Avatar
1
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
First Name: Mickey
Location: Mooresville, Indiana
Posts: 8,313
Trading: (48)
ERdM
irratebass is a splendid one to beholdirratebass is a splendid one to beholdirratebass is a splendid one to beholdirratebass is a splendid one to beholdirratebass is a splendid one to beholdirratebass is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

These were great Manny!

__________________
http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/t/o/totoka.gif
irratebass is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-11-2011, 12:51 PM   #16
LigaPrivadaT84
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

  Reply With Quote
Old 11-15-2011, 08:17 PM   #17
kelmac07
Resident Maduro Whore!!
 
kelmac07's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
First Name: Mac
Location: Newport News, VA
Posts: 27,322
Trading: (218)
Bolivar Army (Retired)
kelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond reputekelmac07 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

__________________
Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"
kelmac07 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2012, 11:29 AM   #18
shilala
Dear Lord, Thank You.
 
shilala's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Scott
Posts: 13,721
Trading: (252)
Cuaba
shilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

I gotta bump this so I can send it to my daughter. She loves women jokes.
__________________
shilala is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2012, 11:38 AM   #19
STEVE S
Have My Own Room
 
STEVE S's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
First Name: Steve
Location: Coconut Creek, Fl.
Posts: 1,092
Trading: (1)
STEVE S is on a distinguished road
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

Very funny, and truthful at the same time.
__________________
Smoking cigars is a hobby and a great way to pass the time of day!
STEVE S is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2012, 11:58 AM   #20
Taki
Welcome to the Layer Cake
 
Taki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
First Name: Taki
Location: The Creek
Posts: 2,271
Trading: (38)
HdM
Taki has disabled reputation
Default Re: ** very brave man jokes**

__________________
Taki is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:45 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All content is copyrighted jointly by Cigar Asylum and the content provider.