Old age

hotreds · 10-28-2009, 03:35 PM

Just before the funeral services,
the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?'
the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down,
and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.

kelmac07 · 10-28-2009, 05:12 PM

Good ones!!

CBI_2 · 10-28-2009, 08:32 PM

Great stuff.

10-28-2009, 08:37 PM

You youngsters will figure out someday...

The greatest advantage of senility??

You sleep with a different woman EVERY night!!!!

10-28-2009, 03:35 PM	#1
hotreds Ephesians 2:8 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 5 miles past "Resume Speed" Posts: 11,665 Trading: (63)	Old age Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it? Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs. I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, Take 40 different medications that Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia .. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctor's permission to Join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over. My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker. These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.' THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and The eyesight to tell the difference. __________________ God loves you so much, that he made you read this, just to let you know.

10-28-2009, 05:12 PM	#2
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Old age Good ones!! __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

10-28-2009, 08:32 PM	#3
CBI_2 Have My Own Room Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Paul Location: In my skin. Posts: 2,066 Trading: (0)	Re: Old age Great stuff. __________________ "The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants." Albert Camus Cool Cigar Themed Stuff

10-28-2009, 08:37 PM	#4
tobii3 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Old age You youngsters will figure out someday... The greatest advantage of senility?? You sleep with a different woman EVERY night!!!!