The Gorilla Finger of doom!!!!

As many may of you know, Simon had a plan to hit me with a Gorilla Finger. I told him that if he had ever sent one to me, I'd smoke it. He didn't send it to me. He handed it to me in Vegas. It was in a large ziploc inside it's own single stick ziploc. I don't think it was enough!!!!!

I decided after a couple decent sticks one day at Pheasant in Vegas that it was time to do it. I took it out of the outer bag, and found the individual bag to be sticky to the touch. NOT a good sign. It was like a layer of grease had dried on it. If only that was the worst of it. I took the stick out of it inner bag and the perfume smell hit right away. I wasn't having second thoughts, as when I say I'll do something, I mean it. But I knew I would be in for some punishment. The cigar and the band were sticky to the touch, too. WTF did I get myself into, I was thinking.

Being blinded by the task that was in front of me (smoking the huge, nasty cigar), I did not realize that it was pre-cut, and cut it. I think the cutter should have been sterilized afterwards. So I take a draw, and realize that I'm truly in for some pain. It was nasty. It was like the roller spilled a botle of perfume on the thing. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I lit the thing and started puffing away. It was putrid! I've smoked a Cremosa before, and I can say that was a pleasant experience compared to this. Within ~2 minutes, my lips started to go numb. Unfortunately, my tongue did not. It lit fairly easily (not surprisingly with all the petrochemicals used to flavor this thing), drew easily (which thankfully made it smoke quicker), and burned fairly cleanly.

How do I describe the flavor. First off...NASTY. It tasted like perfume, and not good perfume. It was like cheap nasty stuff that even would make a French whorehouse smeel like dasies. Because of whatever they used to give it that horrid flavor, it lasted on the tongue FAR too long and kept building throughout the whole cigar (if you can call it a cigar). It stuck there and stayed and got worse and worse and worse. I'm not sure that it was even made of tobacco, and the only thing I tasted was that perfume.

I kept puffing and puffing on it, and tried to get through it. I was like a leper while I smoked it, as no one wanted to be near me (and I don't blame them!). Everyone in the shop (95% of them were there for E.L.V.I.S.) weren't giving me too hard of a time, though. I drank Dr. Pepper to try to clear the flavor out of my mouth. It helped, but not much. The scum left on my tongue was just TOOOOOO heavy to get rid of. I think I went through 3 cans while smoking it.

It got to the point where my fingers were getting warm, and I was given a nub tool to finish it. By then, I was thinking I never should have agreed to smoke it. How could anyone ever choose to smoke something that should be considered hazardous waste? WTF? Aaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!! I finally smoked the thing as far as I could, which was much farther than I truly wanted to, but a deal's a deal. I pitched the nub and immediately went to the bathroom to wash the tool, as well as my hands. They were literally sticky from it. No puking, but I think that would have tasted better.

After finishing it, I felt like taking sandpaper to my tongue to get rid of that taste. I drank more Dr. Pepper and went outside to spit, hoping that would help. needless to say, it was several hours before I lit up anything else, and it wasn't something spectacular, so I didn't miss out on anything.

Here is a one word review of it: RUN. Run as far away as fast as you can if you ever see one. I can't imagine a worse cigar available, and don't want to try to find or sample one, either, EVER.

I will conclude my review by stating that I did not have a camera there to take pictures, but several others did. I will say that I honestly did not play up and looks that I was giving for the camera. It was that bad!!!! Hopefully a few of those with pics will put them up soon in this thread.

[tuxpuff]

haha great review...sounds like a real gem.

[DMK]

[G G]

Nice review, when I saw those with the Tulip Twins in Gainesville I knew I didn't have what it takes to try one. Two thumbs up to you for doing it.

[kelmac07]

Told you...didn't I?

[GreekGodX]

I'm sick just reading this!

Originally Posted by DMK

what that bloke said

[Don Fernando]

Mike lies, he loved it. Anybody need his address?

[Catfish]

Originally Posted by Don Fernando

Mike lies, he loved it. Anybody need his address?

ROFL!!!!!!!

[taltos]

I heard that Steve Victor has always wanted to try one of these.

[Partagaspete]

Originally Posted by Wanger

As many may of you know, Simon had a plan to hit me with a Gorilla Finger. I told him that if he had ever sent one to me, I'd smoke it. He didn't send it to me. He handed it to me in Vegas. It was in a large ziploc inside it's own single stick ziploc. I don't think it was enough!!!!!

I decided after a couple decent sticks one day at Pheasant in Vegas that it was time to do it. I took it out of the outer bag, and found the individual bag to be sticky to the touch. NOT a good sign. It was like a layer of grease had dried on it. If only that was the worst of it. I took the stick out of it inner bag and the perfume smell hit right away. I wasn't having second thoughts, as when I say I'll do something, I mean it. But I knew I would be in for some punishment. The cigar and the band were sticky to the touch, too. WTF did I get myself into, I was thinking.

Being blinded by the task that was in front of me (smoking the huge, nasty cigar), I did not realize that it was pre-cut, and cut it. I think the cutter should have been sterilized afterwards. So I take a draw, and realize that I'm truly in for some pain. It was nasty. It was like the roller spilled a botle of perfume on the thing. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I lit the thing and started puffing away. It was putrid! I've smoked a Cremosa before, and I can say that was a pleasant experience compared to this. Within ~2 minutes, my lips started to go numb. Unfortunately, my tongue did not. It lit fairly easily (not surprisingly with all the petrochemicals used to flavor this thing), drew easily (which thankfully made it smoke quicker), and burned fairly cleanly.

How do I describe the flavor. First off...NASTY. It tasted like perfume, and not good perfume. It was like cheap nasty stuff that even would make a French whorehouse smeel like dasies. Because of whatever they used to give it that horrid flavor, it lasted on the tongue FAR too long and kept building throughout the whole cigar (if you can call it a cigar). It stuck there and stayed and got worse and worse and worse. I'm not sure that it was even made of tobacco, and the only thing I tasted was that perfume.

I kept puffing and puffing on it, and tried to get through it. I was like a leper while I smoked it, as no one wanted to be near me (and I don't blame them!). Everyone in the shop (95% of them were there for E.L.V.I.S.) weren't giving me too hard of a time, though. I drank Dr. Pepper to try to clear the flavor out of my mouth. It helped, but not much. The scum left on my tongue was just TOOOOOO heavy to get rid of. I think I went through 3 cans while smoking it.

It got to the point where my fingers were getting warm, and I was given a nub tool to finish it. By then, I was thinking I never should have agreed to smoke it. How could anyone ever choose to smoke something that should be considered hazardous waste? WTF? Aaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!! I finally smoked the thing as far as I could, which was much farther than I truly wanted to, but a deal's a deal. I pitched the nub and immediately went to the bathroom to wash the tool, as well as my hands. They were literally sticky from it. No puking, but I think that would have tasted better.

After finishing it, I felt like taking sandpaper to my tongue to get rid of that taste. I drank more Dr. Pepper and went outside to spit, hoping that would help. needless to say, it was several hours before I lit up anything else, and it wasn't something spectacular, so I didn't miss out on anything.

Here is a one word review of it: RUN. Run as far away as fast as you can if you ever see one. I can't imagine a worse cigar available, and don't want to try to find or sample one, either, EVER.

I will conclude my review by stating that I did not have a camera there to take pictures, but several others did. I will say that I honestly did not play up and looks that I was giving for the camera. It was that bad!!!! Hopefully a few of those with pics will put them up soon in this thread.

Did you not read my warning/review? You silly, silly man. I think I'll try the cremosa this weekend and I bet I will enjoy it more.

T

Edit: Did you get the headhache? and I will tell you I smoked a boli cjr shortrly after it and it was the best cjr ever!!!!

Originally Posted by kelmac07

Told you...didn't I?

Yes you did, but I told him I'd do it, so I did.

Never got the headache, Pete, thankfully.

Ferdinand...Simon will sell me out in a heartbeat. No need to take offers for my addy. LOL

Come fellow E.L.V.I.S. attendees with cameras...who's got the pics. I remember some being taken.

[Volt]

Gorillafinger pics ok - no mankini pics...

The start.


First real taste= nasty.


Notice the buffer zone around me.


Just after getting the nub tool. Notice the Dr. Peppers in front of me.

As for Mankini pics...I know there are a few around. Post 'em if you got 'em. I smoked a Gorilla Finger...I have no dignity!!! LOL

[Jbailey]

Congratulations you won another Gorilla Finger! Lars will be in contact with you.

[alley00p]

Mike, you're a braver man than I am!!!

After seeing (and smelling) that damn thing, I decided that I would give up cigar smoking before doing a gorilla finger!!

ATTN: ELVIS herfers... post them Wanger mankini pics now... you heard him, after smoking that nasty thing, he figgers that those pics could only raise his stature on the board!

[MajorCaptSilly]

Sounds fantastic! Since I don't have one, I'm going to spray one of my cigars with Glade Air Freshener and try it tomorrow!

MCS

[alley00p]

Originally Posted by MajorCaptSilly

Sounds fantastic! Since I don't have one, I'm going to spray one of my cigars with Glade Air Freshener and try it tomorrow!

MCS

No, no, no!!! That's not even close!

Maybe find 2 or 3 cheap bottles of perfume, dump those in with a jar of Murphy's Oil Soap, take a big dog rocket and soak it for about a week or so, then let it dry out and "age" for a month or so.

Then Smoke it!!!

Whatya think, Mike? Is that close?

[Ashcan Bill]

Yeah, watching him smoke that thing made me realize there's no bottom to the depths of human masochism.

Mike is one tough dude.

[DavenportESQ]

I just vomited in my mouth thinking about this