Dear Dogs and Cats:

02-23-2009, 11:38 AM

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door.

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

1.They live here. You don’t.

2.If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.

3.I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4.To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. eat less
2. don’t ask for money all the time
3. are easier to train
4. normally come when called
5. never ask to drive the car
6. don’t hang out with drug-using people
7. don’t want to wear your clothes
8. don’t have to buy the latest fashions
9. don’t need a gazillion dollars for college
10. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

shilala · 02-23-2009, 11:43 AM

This thread made me to decide to eat my cat for dinner.

02-23-2009, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shilala

This thread made me to decide to eat my cat for dinner.

Better your cat than your children.

Silound · 02-23-2009, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nozero

Better your cat than your children.

It all tastes like chicken anyway.

02-23-2009, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nozero

3.I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

Hahaha, that can be true!

02-23-2009, 04:10 PM

I was going to write something witty but I sat here watching nozero's avatar and ended up hypnotized. I don't know where the last 5 minutes just went.

Thanks for the read anyway. I sent it to my wife.

02-23-2009, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Waynegro1

I was going to write something witty but I sat here watching nozero's avatar and ended up hypnotized. I don't know where the last 5 minutes just went.

Thanks for the read anyway. I sent it to my wife.

Then please do not look at this one!

02-23-2009, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nozero

Then please do not look at this one!

sepp · 02-23-2009, 04:48 PM

"Outside of a dog Man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read!" Groucho Marx

karmaz00 · 02-23-2009, 04:52 PM

lol..good one

CBI_2 · 02-23-2009, 05:55 PM

ucla695 · 02-23-2009, 10:11 PM

MedicCook · 02-23-2009, 10:17 PM

Nice note.

02-23-2009, 11:38 AM	#1
nozero Guest Posts: n/a	Dear Dogs and Cats: The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door. Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required. The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough. Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door. TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: 1.They live here. You don’t. 2.If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture. 3.I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4.To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly. Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. eat less 2. don’t ask for money all the time 3. are easier to train 4. normally come when called 5. never ask to drive the car 6. don’t hang out with drug-using people 7. don’t want to wear your clothes 8. don’t have to buy the latest fashions 9. don’t need a gazillion dollars for college 10. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

02-23-2009, 11:43 AM	#2
shilala Dear Lord, Thank You. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Scott Posts: 13,721 Trading: (252)	Re: Dear Dogs and Cats: This thread made me to decide to eat my cat for dinner. __________________

02-23-2009, 04:10 PM	#6
Waynegro1 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Dear Dogs and Cats: I was going to write something witty but I sat here watching nozero's avatar and ended up hypnotized. I don't know where the last 5 minutes just went. Thanks for the read anyway. I sent it to my wife.

02-23-2009, 04:48 PM	#9
sepp Still Watching My Back Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Glenn Location: Prescott, AZ Posts: 52 Trading: (0)	Re: Dear Dogs and Cats: "Outside of a dog Man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read!" Groucho Marx __________________ "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." - Robert Heinlein

02-23-2009, 04:52 PM	#10
karmaz00 Habanos Join Date: Dec 2008 First Name: Jason Location: victoria Posts: 1,855 Trading: (1)	Re: Dear Dogs and Cats: lol..good one __________________ Habanos Collector Since 2003

02-23-2009, 05:55 PM	#11
CBI_2 Have My Own Room Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Paul Location: In my skin. Posts: 2,066 Trading: (0)	Re: Dear Dogs and Cats: __________________ "The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants." Albert Camus Cool Cigar Themed Stuff

02-23-2009, 10:11 PM	#12
ucla695 Neither here, nor there Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: The Pool Posts: 3,696 Trading: (5)	Re: Dear Dogs and Cats:

02-23-2009, 10:17 PM	#13
MedicCook Mila smoked my cigar Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Ryan Location: Schaghticoke, NY Posts: 10,946 Trading: (7)	Re: Dear Dogs and Cats: Nice note.