Did I do wrong? Long read very adult/serious issue

Hang onto my opinion or my "long thought processes" that help me win arguments?

[shilala]

Originally Posted by kzm007

Hang onto my opinion or my "long thought processes" that help me win arguments?

Neither.
I've found that no one cares about my opinion unless they've asked for it, and there is no such thing as winning an argument, especially with a woman.
It's always best to just shut up and go get the milk.
I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous. Give it 20 or 30 years, and you'll remember you heard it someday. I promise.

[Blueface]

Originally Posted by shilala

there is no such thing as winning an argument, especially with a woman.
It's always best to just shut up and go get the milk.
I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous. Give it 20 or 30 years, and you'll remember you heard it someday. I promise.

Winning an argument with a woman partner.
Hmmmm........
Let me see..........
27 years married.
33 years together overall.
I think I find myself exactly in that range of time you reference.

Scott,
YOU ARE RIGHT!!!

The only argument I have ever won in that time are amongst the ones I have lost, which have been all. While that sounds crazy, when you win, you lose, when you lose, you lose. But once in a blue moon, when you lose, you win.

The other thing I have learned is no matter how right I think I am and how I should stick to my guns, don't. Women hold crap for ages. Men don't. So, the second you get it out of your system, start working on a resolution with her. Be the better person and bow your head in submission. Regardless of how right you are, find what you did wrong and apologize and move on. I assure you it is the secret to a long lasting relationship.

[shilala]

It's the Golden Rule, Carlos...
1.) She's right.
2.) If she's wrong, refer to #1.
Guys will argue about stuff, maybe even fistfight, then forget all about it and buy the guy a beer next time they come around.
Women, not so much.
It's not all one sided, either. Lisa is willing to talk to me. She loves me. We laugh. She enjoys my company and can't wait to see me. She thinks the sun rises and sets over me. She thinks I'm awesome.
All that and she's actually known me forever.
It's a real easy trade off. She can win all the time.
Another bonus...
She knows stuff. I ask her questions and get answers. Smart ones that work.
I can't find any reason for individuality anymore. If she and I ain't in it together, we ain't in it.

[Blueface]

Originally Posted by shilala

It's the Golden Rule, Carlos...
1.) She's right.
2.) If she's wrong, refer to #1.
Guys will argue about stuff, maybe even fistfight, then forget all about it and buy the guy a beer next time they come around.
Women, not so much.
It's not all one sided, either. Lisa is willing to talk to me. She loves me. We laugh. She enjoys my company and can't wait to see me. She thinks the sun rises and sets over me. She thinks I'm awesome.
All that and she's actually known me forever.
It's a real easy trade off. She can win all the time.
Another bonus...
She knows stuff. I ask her questions and get answers. Smart ones that work.
I can't find any reason for individuality anymore. If she and I ain't in it together, we ain't in it.

Sounds like the one for you.
Believe it or not, while my wife and I are very compatible as you state in your case, after all these years, there are still things she doesn't get about me and visa versa.
The key is to work through those minor kinks and avoid losing respect at all cost. Make your point without being offensive. Many want and long for a relationship but just don't know that a relationship means the sacrifice biting your tongue more often than not. I prefer to take it out on you guys here on CA than my wife.

[yourchoice]

Scott and Carlos, a lot of sage advise given. Agree agree agree.

The only thing I will add (for an overall happy marriage/relationship) is do everything you can to not go to bed (meaning sleep ) angry with one another. This is tough to do 100% of the time, but worth it otherwise.

Originally Posted by kzm007

...funny thing is, this thread started because I wanted to know if it was right sending her an expensive picture frame since "I don't know her."

I should have simply asked if giving her such a pricey gift was acceptable, and left her past, and the other girl out of it...but again, I was unsure because I have already done many things for her, as a friend. I thought a fuller story would lead to a fuller decision, you see?

I hope that makes sense now, and thank you all for the help.

Your back story enabled better advise IMO. My advise? No, you shouldn't have sent the expensive frame. As others have said, move on. Find someone who you can interact with face to face, close to home. Starting out on-line is fine...so long as very frequent and personal interaction is possible, and possible sooner rather than later. A very good friend of mine wasted 3 years of his life dealing with a similar long distance, on-line relationship until he finally realized it was pointless. You asked for an opinion, there's mine.

Originally Posted by coastietech

I think every man needs an ex-wife... It shows you how evil woman can be yet teaches you what you will and won't put up with in regards to the future women you date. And when you find the right one after that you are that much smarter and willing to make it work.

I couldn't disagree more. My wife and I dated in high school, through college, have now been married eleven years, have two kids and...to be honest with you...I don't think I could be happier. Am I lucky? Damn right, I am.

[Blueface]

Originally Posted by yourchoice

My wife and I dated in high school, through college, have now been married eleven years, have two kids and...to be honest with you...I don't think I could be happier. Am I lucky? Damn right, I am.

Same here.
I am 50 and she is 49.
We met when I was 17 and she had just turned 16.
Had a brief breakup after our initial six months of dating, that lasted for 6 months also, due to my feuding with her mom and deciding to move on elsewhere.

Aside from what I have commented for my personal relationship success, I think it is important to also NEVER, EVER see it as a solid, secure relationship.
ALWAYS view it as what it is, very fragile. It can fall apart at any moment on any given day. With that in mind, you better understand that in order to not allow it to end, you need to continue to work at it. As I jokingly tell my wife every anniversary now for the past 27 years, "honey, I accept to renew our lease for one more year, for one more day at a time".

[MrsSledn]

Originally Posted by ashtonlady

I told her that people that try to date from keyboards have something to hide. There is something about being able to look at someones face as you talk to them that makes things make sense. I agree go local and if the turn you down it was there choice, that doesnt mean there is something wrong with you. It means they dont like that flavor of jelly bean.

I agree with Laura above. And I didn't even read your entire post. My eyes began to hurt after the first couple minutes.

In this day and age with the internet so readily available, I think some rely on it TOO much for certain things. There was life and relationships BEFORE the internet. Heck, marriage and relationship statistics were much better before the internet was in everyone's homes.

I don't know you. But I am sure there are plenty of women where you live. If you feel the need to go to the internet to meet women and never even meet them face to face, then you are opening yourself to all the BS they come with.

[replicant_argent]

while all the comments on marriage and the "Blueface Principle" are great, I don't think Keegan was going to pursue a relationship with either of these gals....


I hope.

[Blueface]

Originally Posted by replicant_argent

while all the comments on marriage and the "Blueface Principle" are great, I don't think Keegan was going to pursue a relationship with either of these gals....


I hope.

True.
I think we digressed a tad.

[floydpink]

Originally Posted by replicant_argent

while all the comments on marriage and the "Blueface Principle" are great, I don't think Keegan was going to pursue a relationship with either of these gals....


I hope.

Just to make sure I got it right, the "Blueface Principle" states that marriage is like a car lease; you have the option to renew it every few years, right???

Is there a .pdf file of this principle available for download?

[Blueface]

Originally Posted by floydpink

Just to make sure I got it right, the "Blueface Principle" states that marriage is like a car lease; you have the option to renew it every few years, right???

Is there a .pdf file of this principle available for download?

I wrote the darn manual Pete.
Will send you an autographed copy.

[MajorCaptSilly]

This thread makes me hungry.

MCS

[neoflex]

I did read your original post but I will admit that I was too lazy to read all 5 pages of replies, but like others have mentioned about your first post there are too many red flags. I apologize if I sound like a douche saying this but it sounds like she is working you. Not sure of the time frame of everything that has happened to her but your post makes it seem fairly recent but that's a whole lot of drama for one person in such a short time frame. Almost like she is tugging at your heart strings and making you feel bad. I could be completely wrong and I have been known to be a bit on the cynical side so I could be way off base with that comment but you have no real way of checking the facts. I did the internet thing many years ago once sort of unintentionally and never again. Girl was super smoking hot and that should have been a red flag out of the gate but she came with a full bag and a chit load of drama. No thank you, gave it a few weeks and ran to the door. Your 20, get out there and meet a local girl. You'll eventually find a good one. Hopefully you don't end up like me and end up having to go through a sea of psychos to find the right one for ya. Sounds to me like you have too much invested already in a girl that is too far away. Go out with your buddies and don't look so hard, and have fun in the meantime. You don't have to marry every one you meet. I apologize to the woman here in advance but remember, for every single woman out there no matter how gorgeous ,there is a man who is sick and tired of her chit.(For the woman, It can work both ways) Go out, Have fun and when you meet the right one you'll know it. Enjoy your youth while you still have it. One day you'll look back and laugh about all of this crap and think to yourself, "What was I thinking."

Agreed. And as for the molestation, she was six. And there is proof of it besides her telling me. She listened in on a phone call accidentally one day when I was on MSN - she picked up the phone and her grandfather was talking to his sister about the SOB...it was her godfather of all people. I don't know how long it went on for, but it did happen. I recently used a poor word choice referring to her ordeal and my disability, and it made it seem like I thought mine was more serious. She now hates me of course, told me it was the cruelest thing I've ever said, and she lost all respect for me.

I understand people can move on, but I love this girl, even as a friend, and I really can't stand the thought of losing that. It sickens and breaks me almost as much as what that 70 year old bastage did 14 years ago...he was about 70 then. She recently went in to testify after I tried to reason and maybe convinced her, but her lawyer ended up telling her the evidence was too slim, so the old man won again. She used to love me, deeply, but I tried the local route...a little late in our relationship, she was going to come up a few months ago, but she wouldn't, especially not now. Before it was shyness and insecurity; now it's hatred and disgust.

And people wonder why I'm so depressed any more. I try to save the world I guess. I know I can't, but I try. She's worth trying for. Always will be.

So that's the roughest jist of it, John. The girl from Florida did use me I guess, but Canada did nothing.

If you'll excuse me, I need to go take an anti-depressant that isn't working...seeing the doctor tomorrow...and a painkiller for my back. Thank you all for your support, and may God bless you for it. Somebody needs help somewhere, and its not me in the least. Night.

The other girl? Just a mistake. For the record, the anonymity of a forum is easier than having a therapist stare at me and besides, I don't have the time currently, with physical problems, or the money.