Teenage wasteland

Scothew · 11-21-2009, 07:36 AM

I went through similar situations with my Ex wifes two younger sibilings. drugs, wrecks, a sexual assault, and countless more things I don't care to remember. Hanging out with the wrong crowds is the worst thing for them period. In this case it didn't help that their mom was in and out or rehab more than i've ever seen anyone in my life.

All you can do is pray and be supportive for them. One of them acctually ended up going into the army but didn't make it pass boot camp due to health issue that arose, but i'll say she has turned out better than any of them all.

My ex's brother was supposed to go into the navy, but the elistment date keeps getting stalled back for various reasons.. once was a DUI I believe. The Jury is still out on his future.

Mikhail · 11-21-2009, 08:41 AM

Well at lest she is not drinking... An old friend, who was in the coastes, told me one time his friend found some pot in his sons drawer. What he did is cut small bits of rubber bands and put that in the mix. If that doesn't work I'm sorry. Also, does she know the full scope of what will happen if she gets busted???

Best of luck and PM me if you want a youngsters POV and ideas(I'm 21).

floydpink · 11-21-2009, 08:49 AM

Man, I knew I'd get some great insight here.

Great thing about it is although my wife is obviously crushed, she is backing me as far as rules and discipline go.

This girl had it rough as she arrived as a middle schooler from Brazil and was much more "developed" than the other girls and drew much attention from the boys. This caused her to be in several fights and she learned to be tough.

My older brother is a Sgt up in Jersey and spent a recent visit telling my stepdaughter all of my teen troubles which didn't help either coming from a cop who still teases me about some pretty crazy stuff.

My first reaction was to kick her out in 3 months when she is 18, but know this is the time she needs us the most.

I'll as her to use my Jose L Piedras for any further blunt rolling.

On a serious note, she is looking into the military and I personally would gain a whole lot of respect for her if she chose that route opposed to the one she is headed on.

11-21-2009, 08:59 AM

Tell her to join the Airborne, she'll learn to REALLY "Fly"....

11-21-2009, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tobii3

Tell her to join the Airborne, she'll learn to REALLY "Fly"....

Conch Republican · 11-21-2009, 09:51 AM

Hang in there Pete - it sucks sometimes.

Blueface · 11-21-2009, 11:07 AM

Pete,
I had two incidents I considered kicking my daughter out.
On the second one, I did.
I now regret it.

My daughter was a challenge since 16.
Tried to OD. Will never forget the day I found her in the bathroom floor and drove at over 100 miles per hour the two miles to get her to the hospital down the road.
Had her Baker Acted, which was a very tough decision to make.
Lots of counseling.
Packed up and moved out at 18.
Back at home again within 9 months as could not afford it as she thought she would.
Then, within a few months, pregnant.

I was just so flustered at that point that I threw her out.
I immediately reconsidered my actions based on anger primarily and took the approach of support and dialogue.
Seems that when I stopped being an authority figure with her and acted more like someone that truly cared about her, it broke her down and let us finally into that tough closed world of hers at the time.

We now have a wonderful grandchild and a great relationship. My wife and her have more dialogue than in the previous years all summed up. At 22, she is now a great mom, hard worker, back in college, and looking to keep her family life with her baby's father in tact.

Point of all this "personal" stuff most won't share is we all go through these tough hurdles in one form or another. I think what I learned is the more I was tough, with no illustration of empathy, the less it worked. Once I took the "guidance" approach rather than the "authority as your father", we finally got through to her.

You have my number. Call me any time to talk if you need to. Man have I been here where you are now.

qwerty1500 · 11-21-2009, 11:38 AM

The single greatest tragedy of my life is the non-relationship with our one and only child who is now 28. We thought we had a good relationship with her, probably spoiled her too much. We had no idea how she really felt about us until her secret life came to light one summer day eight years ago. It has been a nightmare since then. We have tried everything we could imagine to communicate or even to find out why she feels the way she does. Nothing has worked ... we feel like total failures but we are not going to give up.

My heart goes out to you and to everyone else who dearly loves their troubled children.

mosesbotbol · 11-21-2009, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by floydpink

This girl had it rough as she arrived as a middle schooler from Brazil and was much more "developed" than the other girls and drew much attention from the boys. This caused her to be in several fights and she learned to be tough.

I know all about Brazilian women... Keep to the highroad and be consistent in your authority. It's a harder to be a be parent and many "parents' fall back and try to be their children's friend and that is not what she needs right now.

Structure and leading by example. Sounds like you are active and doing the right thing.

Beyond military, she may want to consider a trade/vocation school.

11-21-2009, 07:36 AM	#1
Scothew CA Scott #2658 Join Date: Jul 2009 First Name: Scott Location: AL Posts: 580 Trading: (5)	Re: Teenage wasteland I went through similar situations with my Ex wifes two younger sibilings. drugs, wrecks, a sexual assault, and countless more things I don't care to remember. Hanging out with the wrong crowds is the worst thing for them period. In this case it didn't help that their mom was in and out or rehab more than i've ever seen anyone in my life. All you can do is pray and be supportive for them. One of them acctually ended up going into the army but didn't make it pass boot camp due to health issue that arose, but i'll say she has turned out better than any of them all. My ex's brother was supposed to go into the navy, but the elistment date keeps getting stalled back for various reasons.. once was a DUI I believe. The Jury is still out on his future.

11-21-2009, 08:41 AM	#2
Mikhail Palmetto State Herf Crew. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Brian Location: Up state, SC Posts: 208 Trading: (3)	Re: Teenage wasteland Well at lest she is not drinking... An old friend, who was in the coastes, told me one time his friend found some pot in his sons drawer. What he did is cut small bits of rubber bands and put that in the mix. If that doesn't work I'm sorry. Also, does she know the full scope of what will happen if she gets busted??? Best of luck and PM me if you want a youngsters POV and ideas(I'm 21). __________________ Tea Time

11-21-2009, 08:49 AM	#3
floydpink crazy diamond Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Pete Location: Orlando Posts: 1,955 Trading: (17)	Re: Teenage wasteland Man, I knew I'd get some great insight here. Great thing about it is although my wife is obviously crushed, she is backing me as far as rules and discipline go. This girl had it rough as she arrived as a middle schooler from Brazil and was much more "developed" than the other girls and drew much attention from the boys. This caused her to be in several fights and she learned to be tough. My older brother is a Sgt up in Jersey and spent a recent visit telling my stepdaughter all of my teen troubles which didn't help either coming from a cop who still teases me about some pretty crazy stuff. My first reaction was to kick her out in 3 months when she is 18, but know this is the time she needs us the most. I'll as her to use my Jose L Piedras for any further blunt rolling. On a serious note, she is looking into the military and I personally would gain a whole lot of respect for her if she chose that route opposed to the one she is headed on. __________________ "If we weren't all crazy we would go insane"

11-21-2009, 08:59 AM	#4
tobii3 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Teenage wasteland Tell her to join the Airborne, she'll learn to REALLY "Fly"....

11-21-2009, 09:51 AM	#6
Conch Republican 10-78 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Margaritaville Posts: 2,879 Trading: (60)	Re: Teenage wasteland Hang in there Pete - it sucks sometimes. __________________ "Ceiling fan stirs the air, the cigar smoke does swirl" --Jimmy Buffett You can help out and win some cool stuff in the 2016 Troop Support supplies contest!

11-21-2009, 11:07 AM	#7
Blueface Gramps 4x's Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Horatio Seymore Hiny Location: Boca Raton - North of La Habana Posts: 8,774 Trading: (8)	Re: Teenage wasteland Pete, I had two incidents I considered kicking my daughter out. On the second one, I did. I now regret it. My daughter was a challenge since 16. Tried to OD. Will never forget the day I found her in the bathroom floor and drove at over 100 miles per hour the two miles to get her to the hospital down the road. Had her Baker Acted, which was a very tough decision to make. Lots of counseling. Packed up and moved out at 18. Back at home again within 9 months as could not afford it as she thought she would. Then, within a few months, pregnant. I was just so flustered at that point that I threw her out. I immediately reconsidered my actions based on anger primarily and took the approach of support and dialogue. Seems that when I stopped being an authority figure with her and acted more like someone that truly cared about her, it broke her down and let us finally into that tough closed world of hers at the time. We now have a wonderful grandchild and a great relationship. My wife and her have more dialogue than in the previous years all summed up. At 22, she is now a great mom, hard worker, back in college, and looking to keep her family life with her baby's father in tact. Point of all this "personal" stuff most won't share is we all go through these tough hurdles in one form or another. I think what I learned is the more I was tough, with no illustration of empathy, the less it worked. Once I took the "guidance" approach rather than the "authority as your father", we finally got through to her. You have my number. Call me any time to talk if you need to. Man have I been here where you are now. __________________ Little known fact: I am a former member of the Village People - The Indian

11-21-2009, 11:38 AM	#8
qwerty1500 Good thing I'm normal Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: One Particular Harbor Posts: 607 Trading: (0)	Re: Teenage wasteland The single greatest tragedy of my life is the non-relationship with our one and only child who is now 28. We thought we had a good relationship with her, probably spoiled her too much. We had no idea how she really felt about us until her secret life came to light one summer day eight years ago. It has been a nightmare since then. We have tried everything we could imagine to communicate or even to find out why she feels the way she does. Nothing has worked ... we feel like total failures but we are not going to give up. My heart goes out to you and to everyone else who dearly loves their troubled children.