Rules of a True Guy

These rules go on the wall in the library!

29. If a friend calls shotgun, there is no other option than he to have shotgun, none of this double barrel laser crap.
30. If your girlfriend/wife can shoot, and has easy access to your weapons it is inadvisable to return home late one night without loudly announcing that you're home (scared the **** out of me hearing the AR being charged..)
31. Dog's do not wear costumes. Dogs may wear team jerseys. Dog's simply do not wear costumes.
32. Do not fruit the beer.
33. If your friends Girlfriend dumps him, she is off limits for 6 months. If he dumps her... jump on it.
34. While out with your wife/girlfriend you must defend her honor at all costs. If "some jerk copped a feel as she walked by" it is your duty/privilege to beat him senseless. If not, you sir, are a coward.
35. If your buddy decides to "go ugly early" and is sober enough to tell you to f*ck off when you question his judgement, let him do it, if he isn't stop him.
36. addendum to #3. Camera's are allowed but all contents thereof must remain Top Secret/No Foreign (females) but only if the entire party agrees to allow the camera.
37. If caught looking at a hot chick in a "suggestive" outfit, your answers are: "I'm glad you don't dress like that", "I swear I knew that girl back in elementary school", or "My brother used to date her"
38. If you cannot quote Sean Connery in at least 3 movies, you fail.
39. If you cannot name 3 different movies that John Wayne is in, choke yourself.
40. IF you remember your buddy's birthday, Alcohol is always an acceptable gift. (knowing your buddies brithdays is not required)

[Silound]

41. If you have a truck with a bed and lawn chairs, there is no suitable reason you can't be using both to assist in oogling women, watching sports, and drinking beer.

42. If you didn't have to empty the bed out to set up, you fail. Go trade your truck in for a Caravan or a Civic hatchback.

43. Guys are only allowed to own real trucks. It isn't a truck unless it meets three of the following requirements:

a. Is it so dirty you can only see the paint on top of the cab?
b. Does it have big tires? (big means taller than you are, not some wussy 20's)
c. Does it have more than the usual(4)/legal(6) number of tires?
d. Can your exhaust pollute half a city block and drown out a marching band with the roar?
e. Real trucks only have chrome on the bumpers and on custom stacks (which must extend higher than the cab of the truck by at least 6"). Chrome tips are for losers.
f. If it isn't at least a V8 and isn't diesel, it's not an engine. If you don't have an engine, you can't have a truck, you have scrap metal.
g. If it doesn't say CHEVROLET, GMC, FORD, or DODGE on it, it's not a truck, it's an eco loving hippie wagon.
h. Know what? Make it all of the above.

44. Be ambiguous as possible when talking. If you don't want to answer, a nice grunt will do.
45. Name your penis. Make sure it's something narcissistic and unoriginal like "Spike".
46. If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a woman on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.
47. TWO WORDS: Hack and spit.
48. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like various genitalia. If, by chance, you have
Play-Doh, make sure you make an exact replica of your penis. Measure to make sure it's right.
49. You are NOT a virgin. Ever. Males are born without virginity.
50. Guys don't show emotion. If you ever forced to show emotion, just pick random emotions like rage, lust, and insanity and display them at random, inconvenient times. You don't be asked to do it again. Ever. Props if you can pull this off in the company of in-laws.