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04-22-2009, 04:49 PM | #1 |
JAFO
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Online Auction Terms
What those spectacular ads are really saying:
ADORABLE - Too tacky to be kitsch ACTUAL SHIPPING CHARGE - You'll pay every last dime including the parking meter at the PO ANCIENT - Grandma owned it ANTIQUE - Mom owned it BEAUTIFUL - If you think rust is art BRILLIANT SHINE - My buffer really did a number on this CHECK MY FEEDBACK - All the Negs are on my other accounts CIVIL WAR - Made in India last month (India is always in civil war) COLLECTIBLE - I have WAY too many CUTE - Butt-Ugly CLEAN PER EBAY - I wore these panties on a hot date DON'T MISS THIS ONE! - Somebody PLEASE buy it EXCEPTIONAL - Has everything except what you hoped FABULOUS - This auction required a totally imaginative description FINE - New paint didn't hide the glue joints FUSION - Tasteless GREAT CONDITION - The dog seldom used it for a chew toy GREAT CONDITION FOR ITS AGE - Barely recognizeable GREAT ITEM! - Every customer handles it; no one buys HTF - Hard to Find Only 3 others for sale when I posted the auction HOT! - I shilled this item with my 30 bogus registrations I WAS TOLD THIS IS ... - No one bid when I said what it really is L@@K - This item has nothing going for it (see MUST SEE) LE - Limited Edition - Only 4 million before they stopped numbering them MIB - Mashed In Box MINT - Meticulously cleaned NEAR MINT - Wouldn't quite clean-up MINTY - (A red flag) Suggestive, meaningless word used by devious sellers and cheats NEEDS POLISHING - Oh how I tried, but the finish is shot NEEDS TLC - Like King Kong needs a shave. Where to begin? MUST SEE - This item has nothing going for it (see L@@K) NICE - Dumping it because I got a better one for my collection NR - No Reserve - I used a whopping opening bid instead NOS - New Old Stock is often Nasty Old Schlock OLD - Useless then, useless now VERY OLD - Useless for generations ONE OF A KIND - I have no idea what this is PATINA - Rust never sleeps (see WONDERFUL PATINA) PERFECT - It is for all I know; I've never seen another PRIMATIVE - Untalented, unskilled, unschooled art PRISTINE - All remnants of mouse feces came off in the washer UNUSUAL - Only 4 others for sale when I posted the auction RARE - Only 2 others for sale when I posted the auction VERY RARE - Only 1 other for sale when I posted the auction SUPER RARE - This is the only one for sale today (so far) UNIQUE - Only one of these for sale in at least 14 days STUNNING - Garish WONDERFUL PATINA - I polished the rust (see PATINA) SHELF PIECE - Damage visible on one side only UNBELIEVABLE - The description doesn't fit my item in any way VINTAGE - Made way, way back in the 1980s when I was born WONDERFUL - You'll forever wonder why WOW!!! - I'm SO desperate to dump this Now that you're armed... HAPPY SHOPPING!!
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A lost SOTL wandering the weird landscape of domesticity. |
04-23-2009, 07:13 AM | #3 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Re: Online Auction Terms
Great post!
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04-23-2009, 06:15 PM | #4 |
Learned to Love the Bomb
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Re: Online Auction Terms
Sellers do this ALL THE TIME and it makes me VERY ANGRY.
Maybe angrier than it should...
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I can no longer sit back and allow... the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. |