Promise Ring, did you buy your daughter one?

Originally Posted by Mark C

Buy her the ring, and yourself a shotgun. Make sure she knows the purpose for each

[germantown rob]

I thought this was going to be about South Parks season opener.

I have a big plan for when my little angel gets older. It involves plastic and news paper on the floor, an assortment of my guns on the table being cleaned, me in tighty whities drinking a bud (which I will pour out and fill with better brew) and a stern hello to the boy picking her up. That and a chastity belt should do the trick!

Originally Posted by germantown rob

I thought this was going to be about South Parks season opener.

I have a big plan for when my little angel gets older. It involves plastic and news paper on the floor, an assortment of my guns on the table being cleaned, me in tighty whities drinking a bud (which I will pour out and fill with better brew) and a stern hello to the boy picking her up. That and a chastity belt should do the trick!

Don't forget to smoke a stogie or a pipe.

I think the promise/purity ring is a nice idea IF the daughter understands what it means and IF the daughter ascribes to those ideas.

IMHO, it is meaningless to get a daughter a promise ring if she has no reserves about sexual activity.

I will probably get my daughters promise rings, but it more comes down to instilling those ideas in the daughters to start with. Otherwise the promise ring will be meaningless or look like a punishment.

-Tyler

[tsolomon]

Yes I have a daughter and she's 23, so I'll rock the boat and say no, I wouldn't buy one unless she asked for it. The why gets into all the various cliques and peer groups that you have to deal with at that age. I'm not sure that I would want my daughter to have to explain to the group why my parents gave me a promise ring that she didn't ask for. From my point of view, trust and keeping the lines of communications open between you and your daughter is the most important thing. The sex talk is good as well as the knowing when to leave talk. This is when the group she is with thinks about doing something stupid like drugs or shoplifting. It's the pick your battle approach to child rearing, where teaching them to think and make good decisions is what you have to rely on to get them through the teenage years.

My next question would be the one about what did growing up. Did you wait? This applies to sex, drugs and about anything else you would tell your kid not to do. For parents, it is a real dilemma; did you tell the truth about what you did growing up when asked? I know a lot of parents who have had to make this decision and it has gone both ways. We choose truth, but we left out the details. For us, it came down to trust and that goes both ways.

[Blueface]

Folks,
Grandad with a 21 yr old daughter as the mother.

Some may disagree with what I am about to say and it is your preference to do so.

Don't be blind.
Don't be fooled.
Check your screens on your windows for damage. If you think they are in bed, they may actually instead be out and about, and trust me, they do this. So, if they do this, what do you think about sex?

As hard as I tried, as disciplined as I was with my children as old fashioned as my wife is, kids will do as they see best. After all, remember, you don't blow up from having sex and it is actually quite enjoyable. If we enjoy it, they do to. If we get turned on by making out with a person that you are attracted to, they do too.

So...........provide them with the necessary education, instill good values and wait to see what that roulette wheel does and where it lands. It is out of your control beyond that.

While I am not proud of what my daughter did based on my old school conservative values, I love my grandson dearly, I have no grudge towards my daughter and I support her fully. It was her choice, not mine.

BTW, I have a family member that thinks his 22 yr old daughter is a virgin.
My kids say differently, with whom she has been forthright and confessed.
So, I say nothing to her dad. I let him live that fantasy. Meantime, I am sure he looks down on me for my "misfortune".

Originally Posted by tsolomon

My next question would be the one about what did growing up. Did you wait? This applies to sex, drugs and about anything else you would tell your kid not to do. For parents, it is a real dilemma; did you tell the truth about what you did growing up when asked? I know a lot of parents who have had to make this decision and it has gone both ways. We choose truth, but we left out the details. For us, it came down to trust and that goes both ways.

Very good point!

[Blueface]

To summarize my earlier post, two options as I see it:

1) Know the truth and the truth may not be what you would like to hear.
2) Pretend you are being told the truth - that nothing is going on.

Frankly, hard to imagine anything other than that.

No one wants to imagine their kid not telling the truth.
As Judge Judy so eloquently puts it, you know when teenagers are not telling the truth? When they move their lips.