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#1 |
Splitter of Hairs
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Office Space
"There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?"
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Never try and teach a pig to sing. It frustrates you and irritates the pig. |
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#2 | |
Life is for living
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"We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning I'm making waffles!"
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A 1911 in the hand is faster than 911 on the phone |
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#3 | |
Splitter of Hairs
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"I lost a tooth! I married a whore!"
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Never try and teach a pig to sing. It frustrates you and irritates the pig. |
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#4 |
Down the stretch
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#5 | |
Will herf for food
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Q: How do you write women so well? A: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.
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“Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar;” Mark Twain |
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#6 | |
Splitter of Hairs
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"Come on, buddies! Come and get 'em! Shoot straight for once, you Army pukes."
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Never try and teach a pig to sing. It frustrates you and irritates the pig. |
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#7 | |
Splitter of Hairs
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"All that hate's gonna burn you up, kid. (in reply) It keeps me warm."
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Never try and teach a pig to sing. It frustrates you and irritates the pig. |
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