What Do You Tell Them?

[Stinky]

My response has varied over the years. However, you've given me some good ideas!

My wife has a cousin she is very close to. She's a career RN (nurse) and anti smoker. One time she made a typical wise crack directed at my cigar smoking in front of several other cousins. Knowing they were heading out for "drinks" I said: Do you drink?
She said: Well, yes.
I said: Then, shut up!
They all laughed and I said my daily cigar (or two) is not what's going to kill me! "All things in Moderation."

To the occasional butt-in-ski:
"You have cool aide all over you lips."

or:
"The tobacco-Nazis have you brainwashed so you don't see our nation consuming soda, ice cream and potato chips all day."

or:
"You, my friend, obviously have no class."

or:
"Cigars help with my anxiety disorder! My parole officer gave me this box of cigars because I went a month without bustin someone in the nose!"

to an old woman:
"Hey! Come on, now. I didn't complain that YOU smell like dead fish!"

and, for people who know me or our family:
"Cigar tobacco is unlike all other tobacco. It's specially grown and blended for flavors & aromas. It's the only tobacco that is fermented. Fermentation sweats out the ammonia and most of the nicotine. Cigars are enjoyed for the flavor, aromas and relaxation. And absolutely not to be compared to cigarettes!"