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09-24-2010, 12:05 AM | #1 |
Learned to Love the Bomb
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Things that annoy me (for your reference)
-National Geographic Channel calling itself "Nat Geo"
-Volkswagen calling itself "Vee Dub" -People who don't understand what yield signs mean -Cigars with draw problems -Lawyers advertising to help people whose "lives were ruined by DWI charges" -"Irregardless" -Trekkies -Cashiers who explain how to use the credit card reader, as I'm using it -People who make hand gestures while talking on cell phone earpieces in public -People talking on cell phone earpieces in public -"Zero Sugar" -When the grocery store changes the aisles around for no reason -People who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" -Matches that break when you try to strike them -Automated "customer service" lines -Boaters who run over my fishing lines -Those little fake post-it notes on the front of my newspaper -The server being down -When the media uses the phrase "woman __________", as in "woman athlete" as if using the word "female" is a bad thing. Here's a cheat sheet, geniuses: Man on the street: Woman on the street Male volleyball player: Female volleyball player -Gout -Having to update the PS3 -Valspar calling their new line of paint "Hi-Def" -That crazy cat of hers -Internet auction sellers who say "No Reserve!" but have a huge starting bid -The memory card being full -Volkswagen trying to get people to punch each other when they see a Volkswagen when the game IS ONLY FOR VW BUGS. (That's two, VW.) -"Did you want the value meal?" Did I ask for the value meal? Then, NO. -Fake "Reality" shows -The fact that Joaquin Phoenix's Letterman appearances are considered news -People who come way too early to garage sales -People who leave their shopping carts loose in the lot when there is a cart corral RIGHT THERE -People who wait for the closest parking space for five minutes, blocking traffic, when there is an empty spot maybe 75 feet farther away from the store -Losing my bait -Losing the fish -Losing my entire rod and reel to a fish when I'm busy lighting a cigar -People who end their sentences with prepositions -Forgetting to put the garbage out -Remembering to put the garbage out and forgetting it's a holiday -Peter Gabriel's "The Power of the Heart" -People who set the AC to -20 degrees when it gets over 75 outside -Protesters AND -People who complain about the little stuff
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I can no longer sit back and allow... the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. |