Alarm Clock/ Sleep Reccos

Ok Fellas,

Laugh as you will, I know I ask for a lot of advice on here but this question is a bit more serious...

I have a problem, I am a heavy sleeper. I work all night and so I sleep all day. I can easily stay asleep through the landlord mowing right outside my window, Through a friend knocking on my window, and most recently, through 4 iphone alarms and 2 alarm clocks...

The iPhone I keep next to my bed as the ringer (set to "red alert" from star trek) even on full doesn't seem to rouse me... Lately I have been finding it in bed with me which means I have been laying ontop of it to unconsciously smother out the noise... The 2 alarm clocks, 1 set to go off 15 minutes after the other, are as far away from the bed as possible so I have to actually stand up and walk over to turn them off, which apparently hasn't been a problem as I apparently can do all this while still asleep and not even realize it....

My question to you gentlemen, do you know any sure fire ways to make yourself wake up at a specific time? unfortunately my schedule changes a lot so even though a routine would be the simplest answer it doesnt really work with my life as it is right now.

Perhaps you know of an alarm clock that decimates all others? I have seen the ones that launch a helicopter with key to the alarm clock that you have to go recover, I have also seen the ones that look like RC cars that run around the floor till you catch them. These might work but I am looking for something proven, something someone can vouch for.

I am looking for reccos for SUPER ANNOYING/PERSISTENT alarm clocks. ones that preferably;

1) are RIDICULOUSLY LOUD, possibly with lights and vibrations, anything to get my ass out of bed...
2) are NOT EASY to turn off...

Any recommendations?

Thanks Fellas, I appreciate it...

Rob