Kids and cleaning advice

forgop · 03-24-2011, 08:32 PM

This may come as a shock to you, but my 6 and 8 year old daughters aren't fond of helping do chores around the house. I know-I'm the only father that's experienced such behavior when it comes to cleaning around the house. Often times, they prefer to stir up drama/complain to the point that they act as though they don't know what to do or whether they should have to do it than if we had just done it ourselves and you'd rather just shut them up and send them to bed. Obviously, that's not an acceptable outcome.

I'm ready to get hardcore about this to get them much more motivated to start pulling more of their weight to help relieve some of that burden off of us. Any specific things you'd recommend? Obviously, there has to be a consequence for not doing their chores, but just trying to figure out that has the most success. I figure I could do it from a perspective where I literally strip them of all of their toys/luxuries they can earn back and keep as they do their assigned jobs or start stripping away stuff bit by bit the first instance they don't fulfill their jobs. No TV/Wii/iPods until they've done their work either by any means.

Are there any more seasoned parents out there with any tips in this area?

pektel · 03-24-2011, 08:39 PM

They are old enough to grasp the concept of money, right? Maybe it's time to start giving them an allowance, but after they do their chores.

Also, putting up a posterboard with various chores on it, with their names, and awarding stars or something every time theycomplete a chore. Simple, but they love the recognition.
Posted via Mobile Device

RevSmoke · 03-24-2011, 08:48 PM

Do not, I repeat, do not tie allowance to chores. An allowance is a gift to them. Their chores are part of being part of the family. Everybody does something. As they get older, the chores get harder. For example, I don't want to eat off dishes that my sons washed until they were about 11 years old.

These are the chores, till they are done, you don't get... (whatever they love, TV/Wii/iPods etc.). When they are done, then you may do them.

Key though is consistency. Do not threaten and then not follow through. If you say, "I am not going to tell you again", or "one more time and I'm going to...", then the next time you speak about it the consequences better be happening.

I do a workshop on discipline in the home. I know the name of the workshop is also the name of a book, but I'm not sure which came out first. The workshop is called, "How to get your children to mind, without losing yours."

Anyway, God's blessings on this.

Peace of the Lord be with you.

Ogre · 03-24-2011, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RevSmoke

Do not, I repeat, do not tie allowance to chores. An allowance is a gift to them. Their chores are part of being part of the family. Everybody does something. As they get older, the chores get harder. For example, I don't want to eat off dishes that my sons washed until they were about 11 years old.

These are the chores, till they are done, you don't get... (whatever they love, TV/Wii/iPods etc.). When they are done, then you may do them.

Key though is consistency. Do not threaten and then not follow through. If you say, "I am not going to tell you again", or "one more time and I'm going to...", then the next time you speak about it the consequences better be happening.

I do a workshop on discipline in the home. I know the name of the workshop is also the name of a book, but I'm not sure which came out first. The workshop is called, "How to get your children to mind, without losing yours."

Anyway, God's blessings on this.

Peace of the Lord be with you.

Well put Rev.

TBone · 03-24-2011, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RevSmoke

Do not, I repeat, do not tie allowance to chores. An allowance is a gift to them. Their chores are part of being part of the family. Everybody does something. As they get older, the chores get harder. For example, I don't want to eat off dishes that my sons washed until they were about 11 years old.

These are the chores, till they are done, you don't get... (whatever they love, TV/Wii/iPods etc.). When they are done, then you may do them.

Key though is consistency. Do not threaten and then not follow through. If you say, "I am not going to tell you again", or "one more time and I'm going to...", then the next time you speak about it the consequences better be happening.

I do a workshop on discipline in the home. I know the name of the workshop is also the name of a book, but I'm not sure which came out first. The workshop is called, "How to get your children to mind, without losing yours."

Anyway, God's blessings on this.

Peace of the Lord be with you.

I couldn't have said it better...no really I couldn't have...

jledou · 03-24-2011, 09:19 PM

Good advice Rev. We are going through this with our soon to be six year old right now and it has been a struggle. Just ordered the book off of half dot com to hopefully give the wife and myself some additional thoughts/help.

forgop · 03-24-2011, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pektel

They are old enough to grasp the concept of money, right? Maybe it's time to start giving them an allowance, but after they do their chores.

Also, putting up a posterboard with various chores on it, with their names, and awarding stars or something every time theycomplete a chore. Simple, but they love the recognition.
Posted via Mobile Device

I'm putting together an excel file with the task to be performed and then the day it's to be done. Some stuff is obviously daily, other stuff is maybe just going to be 2-3 times/week. My theory is that as they complete their list, they can choose to watch tv, play wii, use their iPod, etc.

wayner123 · 03-24-2011, 09:21 PM

Is it only the chores that are a problem? Do they talk back? Act out when punished? Etc?

Zeuceone · 03-24-2011, 09:27 PM

A nice butt whooping always works.

forgop · 03-24-2011, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RevSmoke

Do not, I repeat, do not tie allowance to chores. An allowance is a gift to them. Their chores are part of being part of the family. Everybody does something. As they get older, the chores get harder. For example, I don't want to eat off dishes that my sons washed until they were about 11 years old.

These are the chores, till they are done, you don't get... (whatever they love, TV/Wii/iPods etc.). When they are done, then you may do them.

Key though is consistency. Do not threaten and then not follow through. If you say, "I am not going to tell you again", or "one more time and I'm going to...", then the next time you speak about it the consequences better be happening.

I do a workshop on discipline in the home. I know the name of the workshop is also the name of a book, but I'm not sure which came out first. The workshop is called, "How to get your children to mind, without losing yours."

Anyway, God's blessings on this.

Peace of the Lord be with you.

Thanks for the advice...this is one of the tougher things we've had to deal with because obviously children have to get to be a certain age before they can provide real constructive help when it comes to helping out around the house. They're far from spoiled in the sense that we cave in to their wants for other things.

The other hassle is "it's not mine". I'm seriously ready to prove to them for a day that they miss practice because I didn't take them. After all, it's not "my" practice. Same with dinner-we'll make dinner for us and they can fend for themselves because it's "their" dinner, not ours. I think they might need a dose of that to realize everyone does things for one another and not just for themselves.

It's too bad my gpa retired from hog farming in the mid-90's. Otherwise, these girls would get a good dose of what my brother and I went through working on the farm for a little extra spending money. They'll find nothing around here is that hard compared to what I did for $2 and $3/hour.

357 · 03-24-2011, 09:29 PM

My kids are younger than yours, but something I've seen that works is give them a whiteboard with chores listed on it next to their names. Have them check them off as they get them done, or have them ask you to double-check so they can get credit for it. A whiteboard like this hung in a semi-public place like the laundry room or kitchen can go a long way. It helps give them a sense of accomplishment and removes any confusion or heresay. Just like when you are at the office, put it in writing if you want it to get done.

Just my

357 · 03-24-2011, 09:32 PM

If picking up toys is the issue, start taking them away as you pick them up. If they have a million toys, it will not be as effective at first. That said, my 3 and 5 year old pickup all of their own toys and put them in specific places. My son's cars go in one bucket, action figures in another, big toys in the toy box, etc. My daughter keeps her play dishes in one drawer, toy food in another, dress up clothes in one box, and babies in another. They know that if they don't put stuff back where it belongs, it will be taken away.

BTW, Rev is right on too. He is full of wisdom.

forgop · 03-24-2011, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wayner123

Is it only the chores that are a problem? Do they talk back? Act out when punished? Etc?

Chores are the biggest challenge right now-they've learned my motto-you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. Meaning they can throw all the fits they want and it won't result in me changing my mind. My 8 year old is quite strong willed-probably every bit as stubborn as me and too smart for her own good and stirs up most of the drama and will throw fits about not getting her way. But we never cave into demands like that and she just goes to her room or whatever. She also claims to "hate" peanut butter, so she's gotten doses of that a few times if she gets too far out of line. She'll literally try to make herself throw up from it, so the threat of that often shapes her up.

For the most part, they're really good kids, but it's time for them to learn about stepping up their roles around the house because my wife is quite busy between home schooling them 3x/week in addition to having our son for the mornings (he's almost 4 and with autism, so that is another experience in itself). He's quite the tornado in the house, but we're fair in our belief that he doesn't have quite the same standards we're trying to hold the girls to.

forgop · 03-24-2011, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeuceone

A nice butt whooping always works.

I'm trying to make that be an exception rather than the rule though. I'm not one of those who doesn't believe in spanking, but I think it should be for more serious "offenses" than this.

357 · 03-24-2011, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeuceone

A nice butt whooping always works.

For my kids, spanking is usually reserved for disobedience and/or defiance. So if I say pick that up, and they make excuses, argue, doddle, or blow it off, they know what the risks are. They will get one warning, at most, and there's no garauntee of that.

Consistancy is key. No empty/repetitive threats.

Sorry to flood the thread.

cigarusmaximus · 03-24-2011, 09:46 PM

I agree with most everything that has been suggested here. I'll only add that it will be critical that you and your signifcant other are in complete agreement. My biggest frustration is not finding the motivation for the kids it's convincing my wife that she needs to be on-side. Since she is a push-over the kids take advantage of the inconsistencies and we rarely get ahead....it's very frustrating.

03-24-2011, 10:08 PM

Well, I have a fifteen year old daughter and I have been doing all that stuff for eight years and I have come to the conclusion they are brain dead and don't care what you really want or try to teach them. Maybe it's the friends they keep or there will for independence. She had everything a kid could want and need, Xbox, computer, DVD, stereo, TV. Cell Phone, IPOD and eventually lost it all and did not give a crap, rather go hang with her friends. So in other-words what i'm getting to is do what you think is right but be prepared it may not work. Good luck.

Wolfgang · 03-24-2011, 11:00 PM

taltos · 03-25-2011, 06:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by piperman

Well, I have a fifteen year old daughter and I have been doing all that stuff for eight years and I have come to the conclusion they are brain dead and don't care what you really want or try to teach them. Maybe it's the friends they keep or there will for independence. She had everything a kid could want and need, Xbox, computer, DVD, stereo, TV. Cell Phone, IPOD and eventually lost it all and did not give a crap, rather go hang with her friends. So in other-words what i'm getting to is do what you think is right but be prepared it may not work. Good luck.

You are coming up on a time where you control the biggest thing in most kids' life, her driver's license and access to the car keys. Potent weapon but a little scary. I have seen a lot of kids get back in line when the threat to withhold driving until age 18 raises its ugly head.

RevSmoke · 03-25-2011, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jledou

Good advice Rev. We are going through this with our soon to be six year old right now and it has been a struggle. Just ordered the book off of half dot com to hopefully give the wife and myself some additional thoughts/help.

Just so you know, the book isn't mine. I do not even know what it says, never read it. Didn't even know the book existed till someone asked me about the book at one of my workshops.

Peace of the Lord be with you.

03-24-2011, 08:32 PM	#1
forgop Not a puffer Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Duane Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 2,869 Trading: (40)	Kids and cleaning advice This may come as a shock to you, but my 6 and 8 year old daughters aren't fond of helping do chores around the house. I know-I'm the only father that's experienced such behavior when it comes to cleaning around the house. Often times, they prefer to stir up drama/complain to the point that they act as though they don't know what to do or whether they should have to do it than if we had just done it ourselves and you'd rather just shut them up and send them to bed. Obviously, that's not an acceptable outcome. I'm ready to get hardcore about this to get them much more motivated to start pulling more of their weight to help relieve some of that burden off of us. Any specific things you'd recommend? Obviously, there has to be a consequence for not doing their chores, but just trying to figure out that has the most success. I figure I could do it from a perspective where I literally strip them of all of their toys/luxuries they can earn back and keep as they do their assigned jobs or start stripping away stuff bit by bit the first instance they don't fulfill their jobs. No TV/Wii/iPods until they've done their work either by any means. Are there any more seasoned parents out there with any tips in this area?

03-24-2011, 08:39 PM	#2
pektel I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Jul 2010 First Name: Peter Location: Grand Rapids, MN Posts: 4,320 Trading: (28)	Re: Kids and cleaning advice They are old enough to grasp the concept of money, right? Maybe it's time to start giving them an allowance, but after they do their chores. Also, putting up a posterboard with various chores on it, with their names, and awarding stars or something every time theycomplete a chore. Simple, but they love the recognition. Posted via Mobile Device

03-24-2011, 08:48 PM	#3
RevSmoke Ain't Never Gonna Leave Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Todd Location: Northcentral woods of Wisconsin Posts: 6,849 Trading: (51)	Re: Kids and cleaning advice Do not, I repeat, do not tie allowance to chores. An allowance is a gift to them. Their chores are part of being part of the family. Everybody does something. As they get older, the chores get harder. For example, I don't want to eat off dishes that my sons washed until they were about 11 years old. These are the chores, till they are done, you don't get... (whatever they love, TV/Wii/iPods etc.). When they are done, then you may do them. Key though is consistency. Do not threaten and then not follow through. If you say, "I am not going to tell you again", or "one more time and I'm going to...", then the next time you speak about it the consequences better be happening. I do a workshop on discipline in the home. I know the name of the workshop is also the name of a book, but I'm not sure which came out first. The workshop is called, "How to get your children to mind, without losing yours." Anyway, God's blessings on this. Peace of the Lord be with you. __________________ Todd__ "Smoke what you like, and enjoy it!"

03-24-2011, 09:19 PM	#6
jledou Have My Own Room Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Jay Location: Kansas Posts: 2,224 Trading: (27)	Re: Kids and cleaning advice Good advice Rev. We are going through this with our soon to be six year old right now and it has been a struggle. Just ordered the book off of half dot com to hopefully give the wife and myself some additional thoughts/help.

03-24-2011, 09:21 PM	#8
wayner123 Country Gentleman Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Deltona, FL Posts: 2,351 Trading: (159)	Re: Kids and cleaning advice Is it only the chores that are a problem? Do they talk back? Act out when punished? Etc? __________________ 'It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife; But every fool will be quarrelling.'

03-24-2011, 09:27 PM	#9
Zeuceone You're next Join Date: Dec 2010 First Name: G Location: SoCal Posts: 1,737 Trading: (16)	Re: Kids and cleaning advice A nice butt whooping always works.

03-24-2011, 09:29 PM	#11
357 Will herf for food Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Mike Location: Home is where I park it Posts: 4,075 Trading: (9)	Re: Kids and cleaning advice My kids are younger than yours, but something I've seen that works is give them a whiteboard with chores listed on it next to their names. Have them check them off as they get them done, or have them ask you to double-check so they can get credit for it. A whiteboard like this hung in a semi-public place like the laundry room or kitchen can go a long way. It helps give them a sense of accomplishment and removes any confusion or heresay. Just like when you are at the office, put it in writing if you want it to get done. Just my __________________ “Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar;” Mark Twain

03-24-2011, 09:32 PM	#12
357 Will herf for food Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Mike Location: Home is where I park it Posts: 4,075 Trading: (9)	Re: Kids and cleaning advice If picking up toys is the issue, start taking them away as you pick them up. If they have a million toys, it will not be as effective at first. That said, my 3 and 5 year old pickup all of their own toys and put them in specific places. My son's cars go in one bucket, action figures in another, big toys in the toy box, etc. My daughter keeps her play dishes in one drawer, toy food in another, dress up clothes in one box, and babies in another. They know that if they don't put stuff back where it belongs, it will be taken away. BTW, Rev is right on too. He is full of wisdom. __________________ “Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar;” Mark Twain

03-24-2011, 09:46 PM	#16
cigarusmaximus Still Watching My Back Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 100 Trading: (2)	Re: Kids and cleaning advice I agree with most everything that has been suggested here. I'll only add that it will be critical that you and your signifcant other are in complete agreement. My biggest frustration is not finding the motivation for the kids it's convincing my wife that she needs to be on-side. Since she is a push-over the kids take advantage of the inconsistencies and we rarely get ahead....it's very frustrating. __________________ Canadian...eh!

03-24-2011, 10:08 PM	#17
piperman Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Kids and cleaning advice Well, I have a fifteen year old daughter and I have been doing all that stuff for eight years and I have come to the conclusion they are brain dead and don't care what you really want or try to teach them. Maybe it's the friends they keep or there will for independence. She had everything a kid could want and need, Xbox, computer, DVD, stereo, TV. Cell Phone, IPOD and eventually lost it all and did not give a crap, rather go hang with her friends. So in other-words what i'm getting to is do what you think is right but be prepared it may not work. Good luck.

03-24-2011, 11:00 PM	#18
Wolfgang Back from the dead Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Tampa, Fl Posts: 2,541 Trading: (14)	Re: Kids and cleaning advice __________________ You probably wont remember that test you failed, but you'll never forget the girl you were with the night before, when you decided not to study.