Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum  

Register FAQ Inmates List Calendar
Go Back   Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum > Non Cigar Specialty Forums > Misc > Jokes
Reload this Page Opening lines
Today's Posts Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
Page 1 of 3 1 23 >
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-24-2010, 03:33 PM   #1
OLS
Suck It
 
OLS's Avatar
2
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Brad
Location: TN
Posts: 7,912
Trading: (19)
Bolivar AirForce (Served With Honor)
OLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to beholdOLS is a splendid one to behold
Default Opening lines
Don posted an honest thread in the ladie's room about how to approach a woman, and had it
locked before I could respond, lol. And even though this thread could devolve into a
'joke' thread pretty easily, I would think it would be a much better use of our time if we helped
the corpa masculina ( I made that up to sound latin) by telling the lines that ACTUALLY worked
on women. I do not mind saying it, my best relationships with women have come to be through
humor. They didn't last long, mine never do. But they had INTENSE starts and as a hideous
man, I am lucky that I had such a hot streak in college. Cause it's sure over NOW. And I DID
DJ in a popular nightclub back then, so women wanted me and didn't quite know why.
Ahhhh. I hate being old.

ANYWAY, I got well into the lacey underbelly of a young co-ed who worked in the information
desk at the University of Southern Mississippi one semester by saying this"

"Excuse me, i am sorry to bother you, but this IS the information desk?"
"Yes."
"Can you tell me the circumference of the Earth?"

It was all horizontal from there. For 3 glorious weeks. Granted, I had to follow up with
good chat, a little weed and the best oral sex she ever had, but that's how it started.
OLS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 04:01 PM   #2
shilala
Dear Lord, Thank You.
 
shilala's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Scott
Posts: 13,721
Trading: (252)
Cuaba
shilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond reputeshilala has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Opening lines
"You wanna fool around?" works pretty good.
__________________
shilala is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 04:13 PM   #3
awsmith4
Simple Pleasures - 2oL
 
awsmith4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Albert
Location: Marietta, Georgia
Posts: 4,602
Trading: (111)
HUpmann
awsmith4 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines
The one that always worked for me was..."Hey I'm Albert and you are?"

You may want to substitute your own name but hey do what ever you think will work
awsmith4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 04:20 PM   #4
GKitty
JAFO
 
GKitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Crystal
Location: Olathe, KS
Posts: 1,938
Trading: (8)
HdM
GKitty is just really niceGKitty is just really niceGKitty is just really niceGKitty is just really niceGKitty is just really nice
Default Re: Opening lines
Hey, I'm Albert and you are....?
__________________
A lost SOTL wandering the weird landscape of domesticity.
GKitty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 04:21 PM   #5
awsmith4
Simple Pleasures - 2oL
 
awsmith4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Albert
Location: Marietta, Georgia
Posts: 4,602
Trading: (111)
HUpmann
awsmith4 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines
Quote:
Originally Posted by GKitty View Post
Hey, I'm Albert and you are....?
Sister Smith how you doin?
awsmith4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 04:29 PM   #6
icehog3
Admiral Douchebag
 
icehog3's Avatar
15
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Tom
Location: Clermont, Kentucky
Posts: 71,441
Trading: (60)
HUpmann
icehog3 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines
Quote:
Originally Posted by OLS View Post
It was all horizontal from there. For 3 glorious weeks. Granted, I had to follow up with
good chat, a little weed and the best oral sex she ever had, but that's how it started.
Now that is the way to a lady's heart, Brad!
__________________


Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!
icehog3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 04:41 PM   #7
MajorCaptSilly
Sklee
 
MajorCaptSilly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Scott
Location: Mishawaka, IN
Posts: 2,523
Trading: (30)
Bolivar
MajorCaptSilly has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines
"Excuse me but I seem to have lost the keys for my vintage 1973 AMC Gremlin. Would you have time to help me find them? I'll let you drive it."

MCS
__________________
Pillsbury, Minneapolis, Prince, Spoon Bridge and Cherry, coinkydink?
MajorCaptSilly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 06:11 PM   #8
SSDVC
Life is short, Relax
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
First Name: Scott
Location: Eastern CT
Posts: 222
Trading: (6)
Partagas Navy (Retired)
SSDVC is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Opening lines
Yo doll, I love your hair !
SSDVC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 06:21 PM   #9
Lear31MX
Herf Crew of 2
 
Lear31MX's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
First Name: Anthony
Location: Pacific Northwest L.C.D.H.
Posts: 451
Trading: (8)
QdO
Lear31MX will become famous soon enoughLear31MX will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Opening lines
Nce shoes, want to ........(insert your own vernacular)
__________________
Being still and doing nothing are two very different things.
Lear31MX is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 07:21 PM   #10
Ogre
****CENSORED****
 
Ogre's Avatar
7
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
First Name: Larry
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 12,068
Trading: (46)
Montecristo
Ogre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant futureOgre has a brilliant future
Default Re: Opening lines
Smile, its the second best thing you can do with your lips!!!!
Ogre is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 07:32 PM   #11
replicant_argent
Gravy Boat Winnah.
 
replicant_argent's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Pete
Location: my attorney has advised against giving this information to insane people
Posts: 5,326
Trading: (22)
LGC
replicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to all
Default Re: Opening lines
Quote:
Originally Posted by awsmith4 View Post
"Hey I'm Albert and you are?"
That might actually work better than Pete. Not that I would need to ever say such a thing, but being prepared is what it is all about.
__________________
www.stogietorch.com
Some days call for a stiff Pomade.
replicant_argent is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 07:38 PM   #12
icehog3
Admiral Douchebag
 
icehog3's Avatar
15
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Tom
Location: Clermont, Kentucky
Posts: 71,441
Trading: (60)
HUpmann
icehog3 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines
Quote:
Originally Posted by MajorCaptSilly View Post
"Excuse me but I seem to have lost the keys for my vintage 1973 AMC Gremlin. Would you have time to help me find them? I'll let you drive it."

MCS
"Sorry, I only drive Pacers".

-Some Random Chick
__________________


Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!
icehog3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 07:54 PM   #13
replicant_argent
Gravy Boat Winnah.
 
replicant_argent's Avatar
6
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Pete
Location: my attorney has advised against giving this information to insane people
Posts: 5,326
Trading: (22)
LGC
replicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to allreplicant_argent is a name known to all
Default Re: Opening lines
Quote:
Originally Posted by icehog3 View Post
"Sorry, I only drive Pacers".

-Some Random Chick
Tom had a Cherry Vega is my guess.
__________________
www.stogietorch.com
Some days call for a stiff Pomade.
replicant_argent is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 08:02 PM   #14
icehog3
Admiral Douchebag
 
icehog3's Avatar
15
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Tom
Location: Clermont, Kentucky
Posts: 71,441
Trading: (60)
HUpmann
icehog3 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines
Quote:
Originally Posted by replicant_argent View Post
Tom had a Cherry Vega is my guess.
I am not sure her name was Vega, Pete.
__________________


Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!
icehog3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 08:17 PM   #15
colinb913
Workin' at a Cigar Shop
 
colinb913's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
First Name: Colin
Location: Indiana
Posts: 540
Trading: (1)
Partagas
colinb913 is on a distinguished road
Default
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ogre3239 View Post
Smile, its the second best thing you can do with your lips!!!!
Whats the first?... HAHA :-P
Posted via Mobile Device
colinb913 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 08:23 PM   #16
icehog3
Admiral Douchebag
 
icehog3's Avatar
15
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Tom
Location: Clermont, Kentucky
Posts: 71,441
Trading: (60)
HUpmann
icehog3 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines
Quote:
Originally Posted by colinb913 View Post
Whats the first?... HAHA :-P
Posted via Mobile Device
Puff a cigar.
__________________


Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!
icehog3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 08:26 PM   #17
colinb913
Workin' at a Cigar Shop
 
colinb913's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
First Name: Colin
Location: Indiana
Posts: 540
Trading: (1)
Partagas
colinb913 is on a distinguished road
Default
Quote:
Originally Posted by icehog3 View Post
Puff a cigar.
Oh. Just clarifying.
Posted via Mobile Device
colinb913 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-24-2010, 08:27 PM   #18
icehog3
Admiral Douchebag
 
icehog3's Avatar
15
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Tom
Location: Clermont, Kentucky
Posts: 71,441
Trading: (60)
HUpmann
icehog3 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Opening lines
Quote:
Originally Posted by colinb913 View Post
Oh. Just clarifying.
Posted via Mobile Device
Oh, you're clarified.
__________________


Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!
icehog3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2010, 12:34 AM   #19
MiamiE
I'm nuts for the place
 
MiamiE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
First Name: Erick
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 2,892
Trading: (38)
RA
MiamiE will become famous soon enoughMiamiE will become famous soon enough
Default Re: Opening lines
Brad, in your case, I think the weed did it.
MiamiE is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-25-2010, 06:04 AM   #20
elderboy02
Lets Go Buckeyes!
 
elderboy02's Avatar
4
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
First Name: Dan
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 12,509
Trading: (133)
Bolivar
elderboy02 has much to be proud ofelderboy02 has much to be proud ofelderboy02 has much to be proud ofelderboy02 has much to be proud ofelderboy02 has much to be proud ofelderboy02 has much to be proud ofelderboy02 has much to be proud ofelderboy02 has much to be proud of
Default Re: Opening lines
Quote:
Originally Posted by icehog3 View Post
Now that is the way to a lady's heart, Brad!
elderboy02 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 1 of 3 1 23 >

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »
Thread Tools
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:44 AM.

Contact Us - Cigar Asylum Cigar Forum - Archive - Top

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
All content is copyrighted jointly by Cigar Asylum and the content provider.