Dear Wife

Ogre · 09-22-2011, 06:40 PM

Dear Wife, ... ... I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you ... for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me any more; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me any-more; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! —— Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!!!♥

emopunker2004 · 09-22-2011, 06:45 PM

Drez · 09-22-2011, 06:46 PM

Moose6026 · 09-22-2011, 06:49 PM

CigarSquid · 09-22-2011, 07:30 PM

Ouch!

kelmac07 · 09-22-2011, 08:57 PM

deadrise · 09-22-2011, 10:13 PM

hahhahahahahahah

very funny stuff right there thanks man

Skywalker · 09-23-2011, 02:40 PM

Sounded familiar:

http://www.cigarasylum.com/vb/showthread.php?t=37389

Still makes me

Bill86 · 09-23-2011, 02:48 PM

irratebass · 09-23-2011, 03:18 PM

good one Larry

N2 GOLD · 09-23-2011, 03:38 PM

That's real

... Very

09-22-2011, 06:40 PM	#1
Ogre **CENSORED** Join Date: Apr 2010 First Name: Larry Location: Central Florida Posts: 12,068 Trading: (46)	Dear Wife Dear Wife, ... ... I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you ... for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me any more; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me any-more; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! —— Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!!!♥ __________________

09-22-2011, 06:45 PM	#2
emopunker2004 Central Fla rollin Join Date: Jan 2011 First Name: Justin Location: Winter Springs, FL Posts: 6,171 Trading: (46)	Re: Dear Wife __________________ Cigar Asylum: Where all are equal, unless you are from CA, then you are more equal.

09-22-2011, 06:46 PM	#3
Drez The Warden Join Date: Jan 2010 First Name: Frank Location: Miami, FL Posts: 3,768 Trading: (35)	Re: Dear Wife __________________ They aren't going to multiply....burn that b!tch!

09-22-2011, 06:49 PM	#4
Moose6026 Adjusting to the Life Join Date: Aug 2011 First Name: Dan Location: In a house Posts: 358 Trading: (1)	Re: Dear Wife __________________ Life is hard, but it's harder when you're stupid. - John Wayne

09-22-2011, 07:30 PM	#5
CigarSquid AKA Garryyjr Join Date: Apr 2011 First Name: Garry Location: Medford, OR - Cigar Zombie Posts: 3,213 Trading: (39)	Re: Dear Wife Ouch!

09-22-2011, 08:57 PM	#6
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Dear Wife __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

09-22-2011, 10:13 PM	#7
deadrise The Manhattan Project Join Date: Sep 2011 First Name: Jason Location: Reedville Virginia Posts: 1,001 Trading: (24)	Re: Dear Wife hahhahahahahahah very funny stuff right there thanks man __________________

09-23-2011, 02:40 PM	#8
Skywalker BABOTL Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Dice Location: Galaxy Far Far Away Posts: 10,168 Trading: (18)	Re: Dear Wife Sounded familiar: http://www.cigarasylum.com/vb/showthread.php?t=37389 Still makes me __________________ Smoke what you like!!!

09-23-2011, 02:48 PM	#9
Bill86 Snob Join Date: Jul 2010 First Name: Bill Posts: 6,704 Trading: (67)	Re: Dear Wife __________________ I'm drunk......but I'll get drunker! - Doug Stanhope

09-23-2011, 03:18 PM	#10
irratebass EMPEROR TOMPKINS Join Date: Aug 2011 First Name: Mickey Location: Mooresville, Indiana Posts: 8,313 Trading: (48)	Re: Dear Wife good one Larry __________________

09-23-2011, 03:38 PM	#11
N2 GOLD MIND OVER MATTER... Join Date: Feb 2011 First Name: RICO Location: So. CAL 33° 44' 44" N / 117° 52' 0" W Posts: 2,330 Trading: (1)	Re: Dear Wife That's real ... Very __________________ When I want your opinion, I'll give it to ya.