A parrot for grandma

[markem]

An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much trouble.

The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her and guaranteed her it would be a wonderful companion.

The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays.

The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there.

She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him.

Assured that he spoke properly and was well behaved, she put him on her shoulder and went off to church.

Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!"

Everyone turned to look at her and she ran out of the church in total embarrassment! All the next week, she talked to the parrot explaining the necessity to remain quiet during church.

The parrot understood so she put him on her shoulder and went to church the following Sunday.

Once again, just as everything got quiet and the sermon began,the parrot squawked, looked around and loudly proclaimed, "It's goddamned cold in here!!"

And again the woman ran from the church. The next day she returned to the pet store and explained the embarrassing situation to the owner.

Since she didn't want to get rid of the parrot, the owner offered the following solution:

If the parrot does that again, grab him by the legs and swing him around 5 or 6 times and return him to your shoulder." "That'll work?" asked the woman. "Guaranteed!" exclaimed the owner.

So, the next Sunday she took the parrot to church and, sure enough, just as the sermon started, the parrot squawked, "It's goddamned cold in here!!" Without any hesitation, the woman grabbed his legs, swung him around 5 or 6 times and placed him back on her shoulder.

The parrot shook his head, ruffled his feathers and said, "Pretty frickin' windy, too!"

[cmitch]

I love parrot jokes since I have an African Grey that never fails to amuse us.

A man had one and was rather attached to it. But it would just say things that were relevant to the situation, which African Greys are famous for.

He decided to take 'Paulie' to the beach. As he was under his umbrella laying on his towel, he seen a fat lady thrashing around in the water yelling for help. The man yelled, "Ahh let the b***h drown!"

As he settled back down, a crisp wind blew in and he exclaimed, "Feel the f***in' breeze."

Along comes Sunday and his daughter wanted him to go to church with her. He told her he was rather attached to Paulie and that he'd stay home with the bird. "Nonsense, Dad! Just bring the bird with you." He decided to do so.

Toward the end, they had a baptism come up. A young lady was being baptized and as soon as the preacher dunked her, the parrot yelled, "Ahh let the b***h drown!"

An old woman stood up with a scowl on her face and hurled a songbook at the bird barely missing him. The bird yelled, "Feel the f***in' breeze!"