Truths and Rules

BigAsh · 09-04-2018, 03:22 PM

Subject: Truths and Rules
SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However, after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats."
But, none of them comes up to the man - touch his penis and say, "Good job."
Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the a—hole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.
5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

BONUS RULE:
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

icehog3 · 09-04-2018, 03:45 PM

Porch Dweller · 09-04-2018, 04:56 PM

Weelok · 09-04-2018, 05:22 PM

Awesome! Sending this to the wife

dvickery · 09-04-2018, 08:02 PM

Forgive yer enemies ... but not before they are hanged ... H Heine 1848

Derrek

kelmac07 · 09-05-2018, 01:15 AM

CigarNut · 09-05-2018, 07:46 AM

heyferg · 09-05-2018, 10:07 PM

09-04-2018, 03:22 PM	#1
BigAsh Don't knock the Ash... Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Keith Location: Yardley, PA Posts: 5,046 Trading: (46)	Truths and Rules Subject: Truths and Rules SIMPLE TRUTH 1: Lovers help each other undress before sex. However, after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you're screwed. SIMPLE TRUTH 2: When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats." But, none of them comes up to the man - touch his penis and say, "Good job." Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated. FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE: 1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the a—hole's name. 3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk. 5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them. BONUS RULE: Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband. __________________ Keith

09-04-2018, 03:45 PM	#2
icehog3 Admiral Douchebag Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Tom Location: Clermont, Kentucky Posts: 71,308 Trading: (60)	Re: Truths and Rules __________________ Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!

09-04-2018, 04:56 PM	#3
Porch Dweller Life is for living Join Date: Oct 2012 First Name: James Location: Mississippi Gulf Coast Posts: 8,403 Trading: (24)	Re: Truths and Rules __________________ A 1911 in the hand is faster than 911 on the phone

09-04-2018, 05:22 PM	#4
Weelok I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Jul 2011 First Name: Dave Location: Reno, NV Posts: 4,088 Trading: (21)	Re: Truths and Rules Awesome! Sending this to the wife __________________ Drink, pray, smoke, and work out.

09-04-2018, 08:02 PM	#5
dvickery Team of 1 Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: derrek Location: edson , alberta , canada Posts: 685 Trading: (0)	Re: Truths and Rules Forgive yer enemies ... but not before they are hanged ... H Heine 1848 Derrek __________________ i hope i someday become the man my dog thinks i am

09-05-2018, 01:15 AM	#6
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Truths and Rules __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

09-05-2018, 07:46 AM	#7
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: Truths and Rules __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

09-05-2018, 10:07 PM	#8
heyferg Feeling at Home Join Date: Jun 2014 First Name: Larry aka Hollywood Location: SoCal Posts: 641 Trading: (6)	Re: Truths and Rules