Personal Trainer

11-13-2008, 01:43 PM

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week
of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school
football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good
idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer
named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics
instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The
club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was
well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda
waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond
hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave
me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful
way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.
Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was
already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This
is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air
then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made
it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the
counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have
a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to
steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered
other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the
morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is
VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda
put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a
machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She
said some other **** too.

THURSDAY :
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her
thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help
being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking,
I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny ***** to find me.
Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

FRIDAY :
I hate that ***** Belinda more than any human being has ever hated
any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny,
anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I
could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!
And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the
DAMN barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The
treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
choir director?

SATURDAY :
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her
made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked
the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven
straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY :
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go
and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year
my daughter (the little ****) will choose a gift for me that is fun --
like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted
me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!

markem · 11-13-2008, 01:48 PM

I didn't know that Gerry went by Belinda at the gym ...

zemekone · 11-13-2008, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vstrommark

I didn't know that Gerry went by Belinda at the gym ...

thats my stage name!

11-13-2008, 02:20 PM

I don't read books this long.

11-14-2008, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ahc4353

I don't read books this long.

You can read?

11-19-2008, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zemekone

thats my stage name!

Well, I hear you DO dress the part.

11-13-2008, 01:43 PM	#1
Darrell Guest Posts: n/a	Personal Trainer Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!! TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me. WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other ** too. THURSDAY : Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny * to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. FRIDAY : I hate that * Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the DAMN barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? SATURDAY : Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. SUNDAY : I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little **) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!

11-13-2008, 01:48 PM	#2
markem Bunion Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Mark Location: Second Star on the Right Posts: 22,621 Trading: (47)	Re: Personal Trainer I didn't know that Gerry went by Belinda at the gym ... __________________ I refuse to belong to any organization that would have me as a member. ~ Groucho Marx

11-13-2008, 02:20 PM	#4
ahc4353 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Personal Trainer I don't read books this long.