The Purina Diet

Ogre · 01-03-2013, 07:30 PM

I was standing in the checkout line with a bag of Purina for my dachshund, Frank N. Furter. The gal behind me asked if I had a dog, what did she think I had, an elephant?
With a a straight face I tell her, "no I don't have a dog, I'm starting the Purina diet again but I probably shouldn't". she looked confused so I explained. "The last time I lost 50 pounds but ended up in ICU with tubes in most of my orifices and IVs in both arms." That startled her so I continued, "Essentially it's the perfect diet. You load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two whenever you feel hungry. The dog food is nutritionally complete and the results are excellent." I had nearly every ones attention by then.

She looked horrified. "If the dog food poisoned you, why would you want to try it again?", she asked in amazement?

I answered her deadpan "The dog food didn't poison me, I stopped to piss on a fire hydrant and a car hit me!"

kelmac07 · 01-03-2013, 07:36 PM

CigarNut · 01-03-2013, 08:49 PM

EricF · 01-03-2013, 08:53 PM

big_jaygee · 01-03-2013, 09:17 PM

thats great!!!

Bondo 287 · 01-03-2013, 09:28 PM

01-03-2013, 07:30 PM	#1
Ogre **CENSORED** Join Date: Apr 2010 First Name: Larry Location: Central Florida Posts: 12,068 Trading: (46)	The Purina Diet I was standing in the checkout line with a bag of Purina for my dachshund, Frank N. Furter. The gal behind me asked if I had a dog, what did she think I had, an elephant? With a a straight face I tell her, "no I don't have a dog, I'm starting the Purina diet again but I probably shouldn't". she looked confused so I explained. "The last time I lost 50 pounds but ended up in ICU with tubes in most of my orifices and IVs in both arms." That startled her so I continued, "Essentially it's the perfect diet. You load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two whenever you feel hungry. The dog food is nutritionally complete and the results are excellent." I had nearly every ones attention by then. She looked horrified. "If the dog food poisoned you, why would you want to try it again?", she asked in amazement? I answered her deadpan "The dog food didn't poison me, I stopped to piss on a fire hydrant and a car hit me!" __________________

01-03-2013, 07:36 PM	#2
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: The Purina Diet __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

01-03-2013, 08:49 PM	#3
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: The Purina Diet __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

01-03-2013, 08:53 PM	#4
EricF Ain't Never Gonna Leave Join Date: Oct 2010 First Name: Eric Location: Miramar, FL Posts: 7,004 Trading: (116)	Re: The Purina Diet __________________ It might taste crummy, but at least it's huge.

01-03-2013, 09:17 PM	#5
big_jaygee I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Dec 2012 First Name: Jason Location: Houston Posts: 3,914 Trading: (59)	Re: The Purina Diet thats great!!!

01-03-2013, 09:28 PM	#6
Bondo 287 Runaway Train Join Date: Jan 2013 First Name: Mikael Location: Unstable, PA Posts: 389 Trading: (0)	Re: The Purina Diet