Top 10: Male Sellouts

CBI_2 · 12-05-2009, 11:06 PM

Another top 10 list I think is funny and wanted to share.

Women have heard the "I'm not like other guys" line a million times, but now some men are actually acting like it. Whether they’re criticizing other men for their personal relationships, promoting female-friendly entertainment, showing excessive public affection or telling women our secrets, their actions are hurting our gender at large. There’s plenty of words to describe this gender double agent, but we prefer the male sellout -- a guy who, whether he knows it or not, is weakening our fraternity by catering to the sorority.

To bring these male sellouts into the court of public opinion, we’ve put together a top 10 list of the worst offenders. From the entertainment industry to sports and diet, their crimes are especially heinous, because they make money trading on our gender.

Number 10

Mario Lopez
You may know him best as A.C. Slater, the jock on the '90s TV series Saved by the Bell. However, Mario Lopez now uses his celebrity status on shows geared toward women. Lopez started with Dancing with the Stars and followed that up presenting celebrity gossip for Extra’s female audience. Lopez also did emcee stints for more women on the Miss circuit: Miss America, Miss Teen USA and Miss Universe. Now, in an ironic twist, he’s playing a character named Zach -- the name of his "frenemy" on Saved by the Bell. Is this a return to his alpha male roots? Sure, if Broadway’s The Chorus Line counts. The good news: Lopez was a presenter on America’s Best Dance Crew, which guys and girls both watch. Whether he takes that to boost his cred with male audiences or parlays it for a Guys 'n’ Dolls role, stay tuned to find out.

Number 9

Dr. AtkinsDr. Atkins
“Fries with that?”; “Potato or rice?”; and “Whole wheat or white?” used to be simple questions. Now they border on insulting to millions of guys on low-carb diets who scoff at crunchy fries in favor of rabbit food. This change is largely thanks to the late doctor who pioneered the idea in the '60s. The result is a diet that’s like sex without an orgasm. Crave a Philly cheese steak? Dig in -- but toss the bread. Fajitas? Sure, but ditch the tortilla shells. Pizza? Delicious, but drop the dough. Plenty of guys have lost weight on the Atkins' Diet, but they’ve also lost taste, enjoyment and surely a bit of dignity every time they instruct their server to bring a knife and fork so they can cut up their burger and wash it down with lettuce leaves.

Number 8

Matthew McConaughey
He started out great: Dazed and Confused, Lone Star, Amistad, but then spiraled into chick-flick oblivion. Think The Wedding Planner, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Failure to Launch, Fool's Gold, and all his topless jaunts that were miraculously caught on camera. McConaughey's starring turns have made him king of the romantic comedy, which helped popularize the genre and fatten his bank account. Now, the unfortunate side effect: It’s made our lives miserable. Not only has picking a movie with your girlfriend become akin to the Cold War, but losing 90 minutes of your life capped off with a fairy tale happy ending has become excruciating. Fight the dark side Matthew, we sense the good in you. Help make our movie nights worth staying awake for.

Number 7

Michael Bolton
First: the hair. Bolton wore it long at the turn of the '90s, but then it crept back, and it crept some more, until finally he looked like Bozo the Clown. This suggested to men they could also keep their hair long well past the balding point. Many guys still try it even though Bolton currently wears it short. Now, the music. Like his buddy Kenny G., Bolton made complete dog food of classic soul and R&B tracks. Bolton sings “When a man loves a woman” like a dog yelping, or as one songwriter put it, he sounds like he “has a hernia.” Plus Bolton's songs promote sappy romantic ideals to women that no reasonable man can follow through. Still, for all his major offenses, we’re genuinely thankful for one thing: Bolton inspired the name of a character in Office Space. About those TPS reports

Number 6

Maury Povich
You’ve heard this plenty: “Come back after the break to find out if (insert name) is the father of (insert name) baby.” The man who perfected it? Maury Povich. The formula: Maury asks a male guest if he’s the father of a woman’s baby and the guy says, "No I ain't"; then Maury asks the mother and she invariably says, "Hell yes, it’s his baby." Next, Maury has blood test results to decide and, surprise; it is the man's baby. Maury then criticizes the man on stage, his crowd does the same. End credits. While he’s busy crusading against immoral men, he’s once divorced and is alleged to have had an affair with one of his producers -- details that emerged from a $100 million sexual harassment lawsuit against Maury's show. How about a Maury/Eliot Spitzer show on male hypocrisy? Now that’s must-see TV.

Number 5

Joseph Rock & Barry L. Duncan Let's Face It, Men are @$$#%¢$: What Women Can Do About It
Et tu, Brute? These two clinical psychologists did a good impression by plunging their knives into our backs with their book release, Let's Face It, Men Are @$$#%¢$: What Women Can Do About It. It tells women the inner workings of the male psyche for such flattering male archetypes as “Controlling Assholes,” “Immature Assholes” and “Emotionally Retarded Assholes.” Women already invoke these catchphrases to lump in all men, but now with two "men" waving the flag to their cause the book just reinforces open season. Of course if all men are assholes, do women consider these two authors the same or are they clean because they traded our secrets? Even with a “get out of a jail free card” from women, we still charge them guilty as assholes. Just like the rest of us

Number 4

Todd Goldman
Guess what female came up with the slogan, “Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them” for David and Goliath merchandise company? Sadly, none. A guy did, and it helped net him $90 million dollars in 2004. Todd Goldman didn’t stop there: He wrote a book based on the same title and hawked that too. However, his sales didn’t ring in unnoticed. Some radio hosts called his bluff, charging him with hurting the male gender. Retailers did, too, and thousands pulled his merchandise out of stores. Also, Goldman was named on a list of 100 people screwing up America. For his infamy, Goldman responded by saying he hoped to make it higher on this list in following years. To help fulfill his wish, we’re lobbying on his behalf by including Goldman on our list of male sellouts.

Number 3

Doug Christie
With players driving the lane, setting picks, calling plays, and scoring points, most basketball players focus their attention on the court. Not Mr. Christie; he looks to the stands to send “I love you” signals to his wife. Sure one or two times might be reasonable, but try 50 times a game. Christie also brings his insanity off the court. In Toronto, his wife felt uncomfortable that female writers had access to the Raptors’ locker room, so rather than laugh it off, Christie changed in a separate room. It’s also reported he talks to his wife for entire bus rides on the team bus, as she follows behind in her car. His latest act: Christie cashed in with a reality show about his relationship. Ouch. Christie’s crazy displays of affection make our normal bouquets of flowers look like mulch.

Number 2

Greg Behrendt
You’ve probably seen Sex and the City -- especially if you have a girlfriend. On one episode a guy gives a woman dating advice and says, “He’s just not that into you.” If you’ve seen it, you may have felt a twinge of betrayal because why give up a secret like that? Well, here’s the kicker: Not only did a guy say it, but another guy, Greg Behrendt, came up with the line and got paid for it as a consultant on the show. The betrayal gets worse. Behrendt then blew the line up into a book called He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, that gives away our playbook to women. Not surprisingly, women loved it and it made the New York Times bestseller list, and it’s now coming out as a movie. Thanks Greg. Hopefully you didn’t spend all your 30 silver pieces in one place.

Number 1

Dr. Phil
The Texas twanger is the worst of the bunch. Dr. Phil lays into men for all of their shortcomings like a drill instructor on a new recruit. He instructs them to do everything from paying more attention to their wives to engaging in better foreplay with them. Look out: If you disagree one bit with the straight-shootin’ Doc, he’ll explain to his studio audience that you’re a guy who “just doesn’t get it.” This “real truth” is then applauded by everyone, including males in the audience. His other offenses include telling overweight men to lose weight, when the good doctor can clearly let air out of his own spare tire, and chastising men for having marriage trouble when he’s once divorced. He may have been a football player at one time, but now he seems more at home with the cheerleaders.

kelmac07 · 12-06-2009, 07:26 PM

Good read.

sikk50 · 12-06-2009, 11:51 PM

I lold

Drazzil · 12-07-2009, 09:52 PM

11. Geraldo and his whoring out to anyone willing to point a camera at him.

OHMatt · 12-07-2009, 09:54 PM

I am a male sellout, profits from my booze gut calendar well worth it!

: many glassses of Bourbon apology --- I am drunk postin'!!!!

12-05-2009, 11:06 PM	#1
CBI_2 Have My Own Room Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Paul Location: In my skin. Posts: 2,066 Trading: (0)	Top 10: Male Sellouts Another top 10 list I think is funny and wanted to share. Women have heard the "I'm not like other guys" line a million times, but now some men are actually acting like it. Whether they’re criticizing other men for their personal relationships, promoting female-friendly entertainment, showing excessive public affection or telling women our secrets, their actions are hurting our gender at large. There’s plenty of words to describe this gender double agent, but we prefer the male sellout -- a guy who, whether he knows it or not, is weakening our fraternity by catering to the sorority. To bring these male sellouts into the court of public opinion, we’ve put together a top 10 list of the worst offenders. From the entertainment industry to sports and diet, their crimes are especially heinous, because they make money trading on our gender. Number 10 Mario Lopez You may know him best as A.C. Slater, the jock on the '90s TV series Saved by the Bell. However, Mario Lopez now uses his celebrity status on shows geared toward women. Lopez started with Dancing with the Stars and followed that up presenting celebrity gossip for Extra’s female audience. Lopez also did emcee stints for more women on the Miss circuit: Miss America, Miss Teen USA and Miss Universe. Now, in an ironic twist, he’s playing a character named Zach -- the name of his "frenemy" on Saved by the Bell. Is this a return to his alpha male roots? Sure, if Broadway’s The Chorus Line counts. The good news: Lopez was a presenter on America’s Best Dance Crew, which guys and girls both watch. Whether he takes that to boost his cred with male audiences or parlays it for a Guys 'n’ Dolls role, stay tuned to find out. Number 9 Dr. AtkinsDr. Atkins “Fries with that?”; “Potato or rice?”; and “Whole wheat or white?” used to be simple questions. Now they border on insulting to millions of guys on low-carb diets who scoff at crunchy fries in favor of rabbit food. This change is largely thanks to the late doctor who pioneered the idea in the '60s. The result is a diet that’s like sex without an orgasm. Crave a Philly cheese steak? Dig in -- but toss the bread. Fajitas? Sure, but ditch the tortilla shells. Pizza? Delicious, but drop the dough. Plenty of guys have lost weight on the Atkins' Diet, but they’ve also lost taste, enjoyment and surely a bit of dignity every time they instruct their server to bring a knife and fork so they can cut up their burger and wash it down with lettuce leaves. Number 8 Matthew McConaughey He started out great: Dazed and Confused, Lone Star, Amistad, but then spiraled into chick-flick oblivion. Think The Wedding Planner, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Failure to Launch, Fool's Gold, and all his topless jaunts that were miraculously caught on camera. McConaughey's starring turns have made him king of the romantic comedy, which helped popularize the genre and fatten his bank account. Now, the unfortunate side effect: It’s made our lives miserable. Not only has picking a movie with your girlfriend become akin to the Cold War, but losing 90 minutes of your life capped off with a fairy tale happy ending has become excruciating. Fight the dark side Matthew, we sense the good in you. Help make our movie nights worth staying awake for. Number 7 Michael Bolton First: the hair. Bolton wore it long at the turn of the '90s, but then it crept back, and it crept some more, until finally he looked like Bozo the Clown. This suggested to men they could also keep their hair long well past the balding point. Many guys still try it even though Bolton currently wears it short. Now, the music. Like his buddy Kenny G., Bolton made complete dog food of classic soul and R&B tracks. Bolton sings “When a man loves a woman” like a dog yelping, or as one songwriter put it, he sounds like he “has a hernia.” Plus Bolton's songs promote sappy romantic ideals to women that no reasonable man can follow through. Still, for all his major offenses, we’re genuinely thankful for one thing: Bolton inspired the name of a character in Office Space. About those TPS reports Number 6 Maury Povich You’ve heard this plenty: “Come back after the break to find out if (insert name) is the father of (insert name) baby.” The man who perfected it? Maury Povich. The formula: Maury asks a male guest if he’s the father of a woman’s baby and the guy says, "No I ain't"; then Maury asks the mother and she invariably says, "Hell yes, it’s his baby." Next, Maury has blood test results to decide and, surprise; it is the man's baby. Maury then criticizes the man on stage, his crowd does the same. End credits. While he’s busy crusading against immoral men, he’s once divorced and is alleged to have had an affair with one of his producers -- details that emerged from a $100 million sexual harassment lawsuit against Maury's show. How about a Maury/Eliot Spitzer show on male hypocrisy? Now that’s must-see TV. Number 5 Joseph Rock & Barry L. Duncan Let's Face It, Men are @$$#%¢$: What Women Can Do About It Et tu, Brute? These two clinical psychologists did a good impression by plunging their knives into our backs with their book release, Let's Face It, Men Are @$$#%¢$: What Women Can Do About It. It tells women the inner workings of the male psyche for such flattering male archetypes as “Controlling Assholes,” “Immature Assholes” and “Emotionally Retarded Assholes.” Women already invoke these catchphrases to lump in all men, but now with two "men" waving the flag to their cause the book just reinforces open season. Of course if all men are assholes, do women consider these two authors the same or are they clean because they traded our secrets? Even with a “get out of a jail free card” from women, we still charge them guilty as assholes. Just like the rest of us Number 4 Todd Goldman Guess what female came up with the slogan, “Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them” for David and Goliath merchandise company? Sadly, none. A guy did, and it helped net him $90 million dollars in 2004. Todd Goldman didn’t stop there: He wrote a book based on the same title and hawked that too. However, his sales didn’t ring in unnoticed. Some radio hosts called his bluff, charging him with hurting the male gender. Retailers did, too, and thousands pulled his merchandise out of stores. Also, Goldman was named on a list of 100 people screwing up America. For his infamy, Goldman responded by saying he hoped to make it higher on this list in following years. To help fulfill his wish, we’re lobbying on his behalf by including Goldman on our list of male sellouts. Number 3 Doug Christie With players driving the lane, setting picks, calling plays, and scoring points, most basketball players focus their attention on the court. Not Mr. Christie; he looks to the stands to send “I love you” signals to his wife. Sure one or two times might be reasonable, but try 50 times a game. Christie also brings his insanity off the court. In Toronto, his wife felt uncomfortable that female writers had access to the Raptors’ locker room, so rather than laugh it off, Christie changed in a separate room. It’s also reported he talks to his wife for entire bus rides on the team bus, as she follows behind in her car. His latest act: Christie cashed in with a reality show about his relationship. Ouch. Christie’s crazy displays of affection make our normal bouquets of flowers look like mulch. Number 2 Greg Behrendt You’ve probably seen Sex and the City -- especially if you have a girlfriend. On one episode a guy gives a woman dating advice and says, “He’s just not that into you.” If you’ve seen it, you may have felt a twinge of betrayal because why give up a secret like that? Well, here’s the kicker: Not only did a guy say it, but another guy, Greg Behrendt, came up with the line and got paid for it as a consultant on the show. The betrayal gets worse. Behrendt then blew the line up into a book called He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-excuses Truth to Understanding Guys, that gives away our playbook to women. Not surprisingly, women loved it and it made the New York Times bestseller list, and it’s now coming out as a movie. Thanks Greg. Hopefully you didn’t spend all your 30 silver pieces in one place. Number 1 Dr. Phil The Texas twanger is the worst of the bunch. Dr. Phil lays into men for all of their shortcomings like a drill instructor on a new recruit. He instructs them to do everything from paying more attention to their wives to engaging in better foreplay with them. Look out: If you disagree one bit with the straight-shootin’ Doc, he’ll explain to his studio audience that you’re a guy who “just doesn’t get it.” This “real truth” is then applauded by everyone, including males in the audience. His other offenses include telling overweight men to lose weight, when the good doctor can clearly let air out of his own spare tire, and chastising men for having marriage trouble when he’s once divorced. He may have been a football player at one time, but now he seems more at home with the cheerleaders. __________________ "The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants." Albert Camus Cool Cigar Themed Stuff

12-06-2009, 07:26 PM	#2
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Top 10: Male Sellouts Good read. __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

12-06-2009, 11:51 PM	#3
sikk50 Just Bored Really... Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Andrew Location: The Jefferson State Posts: 2,084 Trading: (13)	Re: Top 10: Male Sellouts I lold __________________ "Not a Headache in a Hogshead"

12-07-2009, 09:52 PM	#4
Drazzil Adjusting to the Life Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: David Location: Boozetown Posts: 355 Trading: (31)	Re: Top 10: Male Sellouts 11. Geraldo and his whoring out to anyone willing to point a camera at him.

12-07-2009, 09:54 PM	#5
OHMatt Klugs gave me Gurkas Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Matt Location: Springboro, OH Posts: 134 Trading: (2)	Re: Top 10: Male Sellouts I am a male sellout, profits from my booze gut calendar well worth it! : many glassses of Bourbon apology --- I am drunk postin'!!!!