Cowboy jokes

markem · 06-29-2010, 11:01 PM

he Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?"
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was starting to feel a little better. The
Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around
Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger
returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your
Injun runnin'."

-------------------------------------------------------------

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the
range.
Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It's a miracle!”
“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

-------------------------------------------------------------

I think the political correctness is getting ridiculous. Today I overheard a little boy say he was going to go play a game of Cattle Management Specialists and Native Americans.

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[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica] [FONT=Verdana]A man was driving through Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting by the road in total silence. [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent. [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]As he peered by the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised. [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump." [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]The man jumped up quickly striking his head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded. [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]There were two horses standing in the field alongside and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump, tap it with your flashlight, and try it again." [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared into life. [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away. [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar. [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]"Large whiskey, please!" he said. [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked,[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost!" [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]"It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher. [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?" [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes it was! Am I crazy?" [/FONT] [/FONT]
[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're very lucky," said the rancher "because the black horse don't know nothing about cars!"[/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]
[/FONT][/FONT]

kelmac07 · 06-30-2010, 05:54 AM

groogs · 07-01-2010, 01:05 PM

JaKaacH · 07-01-2010, 01:12 PM

A man was driving through Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting by the road in total silence.
He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent.
As he peered by the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised.
Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump."
The man jumped up quickly striking his head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded.
There were two horses standing in the field alongside and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump, tap it with your flashlight, and try it again."
Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared into life.
He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away.
When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar.
"Large whiskey, please!" he said.
A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked,
"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost!"
"It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher.
The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"
The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes it was! Am I crazy?"
"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're very lucky," said the rancher "because the black horse don't know nothing about cars!"

Skywalker · 07-02-2010, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaKaacH

A man was driving through Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting by the road in total silence.
He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent.
As he peered by the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised.
Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump."
The man jumped up quickly striking his head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded.
There were two horses standing in the field alongside and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump, tap it with your flashlight, and try it again."
Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared into life.
He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away.
When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar.
"Large whiskey, please!" he said.
A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked,
"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost!"
"It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher.
The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"
The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes it was! Am I crazy?"
"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're very lucky," said the rancher "because the black horse don't know nothing about cars!"

Thanks for the fix!!!

06-29-2010, 11:01 PM	#1
markem Bunion Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Mark Location: Second Star on the Right Posts: 22,621 Trading: (47)	Cowboy jokes he Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?"The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside, and sure enough, Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water, and soon, Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'." ------------------------------------------------------------- The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It's a miracle!” “Not really,” said the cow. “Your name is written inside the cover.” ------------------------------------------------------------- I think the political correctness is getting ridiculous. Today I overheard a little boy say he was going to go play a game of Cattle Management Specialists and Native Americans. ------------------------------------------------------------- [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica] [FONT=Verdana]A man was driving through Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting by the road in total silence. [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent. [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]As he peered by the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised. [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump." [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]The man jumped up quickly striking his head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded. [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]There were two horses standing in the field alongside and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump, tap it with your flashlight, and try it again." [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared into life. [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away. [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar. [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]"Large whiskey, please!" he said. [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked,[/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost!" [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]"It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher. [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?" [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes it was! Am I crazy?" [/FONT] [/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana]"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're very lucky," said the rancher "because the black horse don't know nothing about cars!"[/FONT][/FONT] [FONT=trebuchet ms,arial,helvetica][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/FONT] __________________ I refuse to belong to any organization that would have me as a member. ~ Groucho Marx

06-30-2010, 05:54 AM	#2
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Cowboy jokes __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

07-01-2010, 01:05 PM	#3
groogs Have My Own Room Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Grant Posts: 1,945 Trading: (62)	Re: Cowboy jokes

07-01-2010, 01:12 PM	#4
JaKaacH ROCK Chalk JAYHAWK K U Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Jeff Location: Living in the golden age of ignorance in power. Posts: 1,363 Trading: (32)	Re: Cowboy jokes A man was driving through Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting by the road in total silence. He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent. As he peered by the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised. Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump." The man jumped up quickly striking his head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded. There were two horses standing in the field alongside and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump, tap it with your flashlight, and try it again." Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared into life. He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away. When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar. "Large whiskey, please!" he said. A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked, "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost!" "It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher. The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?" The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes it was! Am I crazy?" "No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're very lucky," said the rancher "because the black horse don't know nothing about cars!" __________________ --Anger Management Graduate-- WHAT the F^#% you looking at???