The Golfing Nun

RUNYYFan · 04-08-2014, 06:00 PM

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf in Monterey with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee ... and this hole is a monster. It’s a 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green ... and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted ... and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized Mother.

"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" said the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.

"Nope, that wasn't it either," the Sister said, somewhat anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said, "You missed the f-ing putt, didn't you?”

kelmac07 · 04-08-2014, 06:14 PM

HollywoodQue · 04-08-2014, 06:20 PM

I needed a good laugh, and this did it...thanks

RevSmoke · 04-08-2014, 07:10 PM

Amen.

CigarNut · 04-08-2014, 09:02 PM

big_jaygee · 04-09-2014, 08:20 AM

This is great

thank you

Steve · 04-09-2014, 08:22 AM

Blueface · 04-09-2014, 08:31 AM

Ogre · 04-09-2014, 08:32 AM

357 · 04-09-2014, 08:42 AM

That's priceless.

04-08-2014, 06:00 PM	#1
RUNYYFan Life, Liberty, Happiness Join Date: Feb 2010 First Name: Marc Location: Splitting time between Dayton, NJ and Needmore, PA Posts: 360 Trading: (0)	The Golfing Nun A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family." "It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf in Monterey with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ." "I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?" "Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!" "Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!" "Well, we were on the fifth tee ... and this hole is a monster. It’s a 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green ... and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted ... and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!" "Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!" "No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!" "Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized Mother. "But I didn't, Mother Superior!" said the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!" "So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile. "Nope, that wasn't it either," the Sister said, somewhat anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!" Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said, "You missed the f-ing putt, didn't you?” __________________ Marc Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed. - Anon.

04-08-2014, 06:14 PM	#2
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: The Golfing Nun __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

04-08-2014, 06:20 PM	#3
HollywoodQue Invictus Join Date: Oct 2010 First Name: Howard Location: In the "D" Posts: 3,122 Trading: (46)	Re: The Golfing Nun I needed a good laugh, and this did it...thanks __________________

04-08-2014, 07:10 PM	#4
RevSmoke Ain't Never Gonna Leave Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Todd Location: Northcentral woods of Wisconsin Posts: 6,842 Trading: (51)	Re: The Golfing Nun Amen. __________________ Todd__ "Smoke what you like, and enjoy it!"

04-08-2014, 09:02 PM	#5
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: The Golfing Nun __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

04-09-2014, 08:20 AM	#6
big_jaygee I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Dec 2012 First Name: Jason Location: Houston Posts: 3,914 Trading: (59)	Re: The Golfing Nun This is great thank you

04-09-2014, 08:22 AM	#7
Steve Dad Jokester Supreme Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Steve Location: 17 R 435648 3354895 Posts: 7,715 Trading: (6)	Re: The Golfing Nun __________________ ...So don't sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied, Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance that tide

04-09-2014, 08:31 AM	#8
Blueface Gramps 4x's Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Horatio Seymore Hiny Location: Boca Raton - North of La Habana Posts: 8,774 Trading: (8)	Re: The Golfing Nun __________________ Little known fact: I am a former member of the Village People - The Indian

04-09-2014, 08:32 AM	#9
Ogre **CENSORED** Join Date: Apr 2010 First Name: Larry Location: Central Florida Posts: 12,068 Trading: (46)	Re: The Golfing Nun __________________

04-09-2014, 08:42 AM	#10
357 Will herf for food Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Mike Location: Home is where I park it Posts: 4,075 Trading: (9)	Re: The Golfing Nun That's priceless. __________________ “Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar;” Mark Twain