How to Play the Bagpipes

First catch your bagpipes. They are like cats and should be treated accordianly, allow them to go outside as often as necessary, (and possible).

With great care take the mouthpiece into your mouth. put the bag under your arm. The other bits can go where they like, but take care with them. Blow into the pipe as hard and often as you can. When you begin to feel dizzy, squeeze the bag. As the thing begins to scream start wiggling your fingers over the holes in the bit with holes in it. If it doesn’t sound Scottish enough, wiggle them faster.