squirrels in church

RevSmoke · 01-08-2021, 03:10 PM

A little town had problems with squirrels at all the religious institutions.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Lutherans and Catholics came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

The Poet · 01-08-2021, 03:26 PM

That sounds about right, except the Baptists in these parts would shoot the squirrels and have them for Sunday supper.

Brlesq · 01-08-2021, 03:39 PM

Weelok · 01-08-2021, 05:35 PM

HahahA . Funny stuff.

icehog3 · 01-09-2021, 10:18 AM

And now I know why I'm Episcopalian .

CigarNut · 01-09-2021, 10:25 AM

longknocker · 01-09-2021, 10:32 AM

Good One, Todd!

Steve · 01-13-2021, 08:42 AM

Steve · 01-13-2021, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Poet

That sounds about right, except the Baptists in these parts would shoot the squirrels and have them for Sunday supper.

Truth!

01-08-2021, 03:10 PM	#1
RevSmoke Ain't Never Gonna Leave Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Todd Location: Northcentral woods of Wisconsin Posts: 6,849 Trading: (51)	squirrels in church A little town had problems with squirrels at all the religious institutions. The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will. At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week. The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do. But the Lutherans and Catholics came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter. Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since. __________________ Todd__ "Smoke what you like, and enjoy it!"

01-08-2021, 03:26 PM	#2
The Poet Il megglior fabbro Join Date: Jun 2009 First Name: Thomas Location: Hickory, NC Posts: 8,420 Trading: (2)	Re: squirrels in church That sounds about right, except the Baptists in these parts would shoot the squirrels and have them for Sunday supper. __________________ Ninety percent of everything is crap - Theodore Sturgeon.

01-08-2021, 03:39 PM	#3
Brlesq Carpe cigar! Join Date: May 2012 First Name: Bruce Location: Upstate NY Posts: 1,024 Trading: (17)	Re: squirrels in church __________________ Hey! How come "Habana" is written on here with a Sharpie ?!?

01-08-2021, 05:35 PM	#4
Weelok I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Jul 2011 First Name: Dave Location: Reno, NV Posts: 4,088 Trading: (21)	Re: squirrels in church HahahA . Funny stuff. __________________ Drink, pray, smoke, and work out.

01-09-2021, 10:18 AM	#5
icehog3 Admiral Douchebag Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Tom Location: Clermont, Kentucky Posts: 71,310 Trading: (60)	Re: squirrels in church And now I know why I'm Episcopalian . __________________ Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!

01-09-2021, 10:25 AM	#6
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: squirrels in church __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

01-09-2021, 10:32 AM	#7
longknocker Postwhore Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Greg Location: Mobile, Alabama Posts: 11,162 Trading: (82)	Re: squirrels in church Good One, Todd!

01-13-2021, 08:42 AM	#8
Steve Dad Jokester Supreme Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Steve Location: 17 R 435648 3354895 Posts: 7,715 Trading: (6)	Re: squirrels in church __________________ ...So don't sit upon the shoreline and say you're satisfied, Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance that tide