Everyday colloquialisms

[jjirons69]

My dad is king of colloquialisms. Everything was hot as something, cold as something, wet as something, etc., you get the drift. I grew up around that and I use a lot of them on a daily basis myself, so I thought it's be fun to see the ones you guys say or like. That's right, guys, as colloquialisms seem to be a guy thing. Some of my personal favorites, most of which I use from time to time and some I often hear. Posting here might give me some new ones.

Hard as Chinese algebra.
High as a Georgia pine.
F***ed up as Hogan's goat.
Hot as the hinges of hell.
Hot as Hades.
Cold as a landlord's heart.
Cold as a witches tit in a brass bra.
Cold as a gravediggers a$$.
Warm as in your mother's arms.
Lost as last year's Easter egg.
F***ed up as a can of worms.
Tight as a hat band.
Quick as grease through a goose.
Slick as owl $hit.
Sweating like a whore in church.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Horny as a two d*ck goat.
Dumb as a bag of hammers.
Dumb as a box of rocks.
He's a couple cards short of a full deck.
His elevator doesn't go to the top floor.
Off like a prom dress.
Heading out like a newborn.
Busy as a one-armed paper hanger.
Lord willing and the creek don't rise.


I'll post more as I hear them or they come to mind.

[kelmac07]

F***ed up like a football bat.
Finer than frogs hair, split ways.
He's a couple cans short of a six-pack.
Hotter than a fresh f***ed fox in a forest fire.
Busier than a one legged man in an a$$ kicking contest.

[ColdCuts]

Great list, Jamie!

F***ed up as Hogan's goat?! I'd love to hear the origin of that one.

Here's a couple:

Dumb as a bowl of hair.
Slower than molasses in the wintertime.

[T.G]

What a Nickerson.
Crazier than a shithouse rat.

[elderboy02]

Harder to find than teeth on a hen.

[G G]

Drunk as Cooter Brown.

[czerbe]

Going down like a prom date
Serious as a heart attack

[AdamJoshua]

Lights are on but nobody's home.
A couple cards short of a full deck.
Not the brightest bulb in the box.
Has a face for radio.

Hockey Specific:

I'd trade ________ for a bag of pucks.

[sevans105]

Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick

Better than a peck on the head with a sharp rock

(Grandpa was a bit of a pessimist.)

[Mr B]

Couple Fries short of a Happy Meal.

She looks like 40 miles of Bad Road.

[MajorCaptSilly]

Sillier than MCS
The lights are on but the furnace filter needs replaced
Dumber than a box of boxes
More uncomfortable than Jerry Springer in a room with normal people
As supercilious as John Mayer


MCS

[ColdCuts]

This'll kill a couple hours if you let it.

http://www.idiomconnection.com/

[Garbandz]

older than dirt
dumber than dirt
scarcer than hens teeth
slicker than s**t on a pump handle
tighter than Dick's hatband
useless as tits on a bull
useless as buttons on a beer barrel
hot as a $2 pistol

[jjirons69]

Crazy as a $hithouse rat (can't believe I forgot that one)
Also used tight as Dick's hatband (just don't know where that one comes from, either)
Wound tight as an 8 day watch (my dad used to say that)
Hard as times in the 40s (he's said that a lot, too)
Rode hard and put up wet

[MrClean]

Slicker than snot
Like a monkey f'ing a football

[Blak Smyth]

Like she was hit in the face with a hot sack of nickels

[ColdCuts]

Crazy as a rat in a round room.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

[mosesbotbol]

Tougher than a 50 cent steak
All hat no cattle
A little sweet in the seat

[Garbandz]

A face like a bag of door knobs
he looks like he got beat with an ugly stick
got an ass like a government mule
gonna beat you like a rented mule

[kelmac07]

Happy as a whore with a bag full of dildos.