I gotta buy golf clubs...

[shilala]

...problem is, I know absolute zero about golf clubs, except you throw them when you run out of good curse words.
The one thing I found odd is that every time I say "I need a full set of clubs", everyone thinks that doesn't include a putter, woods, or half the irons.
What I need is all the clubs a guy would need, a bag, and whatever else I oughta have. Definately a place for cigars.

Will you guys please educate me, because I honestly know nothing of clubs. I couldn't even give you a list of what a fully comprehensive set of clubs consists of.
I'm supposed to go see a guy that's 45 minutes away to look at the ton of stuff he has. I'll take my neighbor to help, but I want to at least have a clue when I get there.
Anything you guys can do to give me a crash course would be HUGELY appreciated.
Then maybe you can show me how to hit the ball straight and make me up a list of curses that I may not have used yet. I'd like to have a list to hang on my bag for those moments when I'm totally speechless.