Ponderisms

hotreds · 01-20-2011, 08:55 AM

1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards : NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!)

3. OK ..... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?

5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.

16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ...'THEIRS'?

htown · 01-20-2011, 09:00 AM

How come when you take something by ship it is called cargo and when you take something by car it is call a shipment?

kaisersozei · 01-20-2011, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hotreds

22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

This one always makes my daughter laugh.

ucla695 · 01-20-2011, 10:21 AM

There are some good ones in there.

.

MedicCook · 01-20-2011, 10:32 AM

Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

chippewastud79 · 01-20-2011, 10:38 AM

Why are they called apartments when they are all together?

TXRebel · 01-20-2011, 10:40 AM

What disease did cured ham actually have?

MedicCook · 01-20-2011, 10:40 AM

"Why is it called a 'hot water heater'? Hot water does not need to be heated, it should be called a cold water heater." ~ George Carlin

kelmac07 · 01-20-2011, 10:47 AM

kydsid · 01-20-2011, 12:11 PM

why do you order unsweet tea, is that the tea you took the sugar out of?
Posted via Mobile Device

Parshooter · 01-21-2011, 07:37 AM

If Jackie Chan leaves Asia, is he disoriented?

01-20-2011, 08:55 AM	#1
hotreds Ephesians 2:8 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 5 miles past "Resume Speed" Posts: 11,662 Trading: (63)	Ponderisms 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards : NAIVE 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly!) 3. OK ..... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans? 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? 5. There are three religious truths: a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters. 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? 9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? 10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? 11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? 12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? 13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam. 16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? 17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? 18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? 22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose? 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? 24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ...'THEIRS'? __________________ God loves you so much, that he made you read this, just to let you know.

01-20-2011, 09:00 AM	#2
htown Feeling at Home Join Date: Dec 2008 First Name: Mike Location: Sugar Land Posts: 877 Trading: (29)	Re: Ponderisms How come when you take something by ship it is called cargo and when you take something by car it is call a shipment?

01-20-2011, 10:21 AM	#4
ucla695 Neither here, nor there Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: The Pool Posts: 3,696 Trading: (5)	Re: Ponderisms There are some good ones in there. .

01-20-2011, 10:32 AM	#5
MedicCook Mila smoked my cigar Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Ryan Location: Schaghticoke, NY Posts: 10,946 Trading: (7)	Re: Ponderisms Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? __________________ 27 World Series Championship's "If your wife doesn't like the aroma of your cigar, change your wife.", Zino Davidoff

01-20-2011, 10:38 AM	#6
chippewastud79 Fatter than you! Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Larry Location: A little place called home. Posts: 5,397 Trading: (44)	Re: Ponderisms Why are they called apartments when they are all together? __________________ If we weren't supposed to eat animals, then how come they're made of meat? You can never have too many cigars, they are like an investment in good times.

01-20-2011, 10:40 AM	#7
TXRebel Have My Own Room Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Cary Location: Texas Posts: 1,276 Trading: (12)	Re: Ponderisms What disease did cured ham actually have? __________________ "The government turns every contingency into an excuse for enhancing power in itself."

01-20-2011, 10:40 AM	#8
MedicCook Mila smoked my cigar Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Ryan Location: Schaghticoke, NY Posts: 10,946 Trading: (7)	Re: Ponderisms "Why is it called a 'hot water heater'? Hot water does not need to be heated, it should be called a cold water heater." ~ George Carlin __________________ 27 World Series Championship's "If your wife doesn't like the aroma of your cigar, change your wife.", Zino Davidoff

01-20-2011, 10:47 AM	#9
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: Ponderisms __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

01-20-2011, 12:11 PM	#10
kydsid Ditat Deus Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Jason Location: Among the Pines Posts: 2,361 Trading: (46)	Re: Ponderisms why do you order unsweet tea, is that the tea you took the sugar out of? Posted via Mobile Device

01-21-2011, 07:37 AM	#11
Parshooter I'm a friend of Gary S Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Marc Location: St Somewhere Posts: 835 Trading: (2)	Re: Ponderisms If Jackie Chan leaves Asia, is he disoriented? __________________ I love chicks with FLBP.