Asking for the Father's Blessing?

E.J. · 01-01-2011, 01:31 PM

Not wanting to steal thunder or hi-jack one of the engagement threads, I wondered what the B/SOTL say?

I have been married twice and did not even think to discuss my pending engagement with the first FIL, but actually felt huge guilt about that when we told her parents the news. It was like I could see the "I'm losing my little girl" in his eyes and I knew right then that I should have discussed my intentions with him prior to asking.

It was not as if anything he would have said, would have changed the course of my actions(they loved me, so there was no worry, still do actually), but I knew after the fact, that in my mind, it would have been the right thing to do.

I did not make this mistake the second time. It was a phone conversation, which I felt was also a bit "half assed", but there was distance and that was the way it was going to be done. Actually did it seconds before I popped the question, but I felt better about doing it all the same....

Long story short, I hope the man that asks my daughter to spend her life with him, discusses that with me prior...& my son will know my expectations of him as well.....

Too traditional?

What did you do?

If you have been on the other side, stories one way or the other?

Thoughts from the women on this forum?

CigarNut · 01-01-2011, 01:39 PM

I proposed in 1982 and I did ask my future FIL for permission because that was what my then-girlfriend-now-wife wanted me to do... It was a good thing I did as we became good friends and I think the fact that I asked really started us off on the right foot.

Ogre · 01-01-2011, 01:42 PM

I agree with you E.J. I didnt know until this morning. I think he should have asked me first. Guess we are just old fashioned!!

DrDubzz · 01-01-2011, 01:51 PM

I asked, but it was merely a formality, I would have proposed regardless. However, I think it has gone a long way in creating good will

icehog3 · 01-01-2011, 02:58 PM

I asked my FIL.

Wish he had said "no".

zappaFREAK · 01-01-2011, 02:58 PM

A great thing to do. I never did it though. My in laws were totally against the union and I think they were bitter about it till the day they passed. We went as far as talking about eloping with a ladder but ended up with a very nice wedding. I could not bring myself to ask because of the anomisity and have always regretted it.

01-01-2011, 03:19 PM

Unless I'm losing my mind I think we just had a thread like this.

Anyway, I asked, glad I did.

I hope my sons do the same when it's time for them.

bobarian · 01-01-2011, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

I asked my FIL.

Wish he had said "no".

This sounds like it might be a good occasion to break out a cigar and share with your future FIL.

timj219 · 01-01-2011, 04:08 PM

My wife-to-be hinted that she expected me to ask her father's blessing if I wanted to marry her. I think I would have anyway. It was obvious that even though she was in her 20s and living on her own, he still regarded himself in some way her protector. And I think she felt that way too. It is old fashioned and I guess it could be seen as sexist but I'm glad I sought his blessing first. I think it's helped make my relationship with him a good one.

awsmith4 · 01-01-2011, 04:17 PM

When I asked my FIL he said "Its fine with me but I'm not sure she'll say yes"

chippewastud79 · 01-01-2011, 04:26 PM

I asked my father-in-law. I felt its the right thing to do considering we had a pretty good relationship. Her sisters husband did not ask and her parents seemed to be perturbed by this.

pnoon · 01-01-2011, 04:31 PM

My son-in-law called and asked for our blessing to propose. We had known that sooner or later they would get married but I was impressed that he called to ask.

I don't think I would have minded had he not. But I liked the fact that he asked. My immediate response was "Let me think about it and I'll get back to you." After being admonished by my wife, I laughed and said, "Of course."

htown · 01-01-2011, 04:48 PM

My wife's father passed the year before I met her, but I did ask her mother.

Cigarcop · 01-01-2011, 04:51 PM

I was stupid enough to ask two times!

but I do believe its the right thing to do.

01-01-2011, 05:11 PM

Personally, I don't see it as much of an option but a necessity but I've always been old school. I asked my lady's father over the phone because 600 miles is a bit much; I do wish I had done so in person though. I have yet to pop the question as I need to ask her grandfather (mother's side and was pretty much her father growing up), save up some more money, and wait for the right moment.

Her father and I are cool so he totally supported it. If he didn't approve I'm not sure what I would have done; either do it anyways, or work to butter him up until he approved I suppose

hotreds · 01-01-2011, 05:17 PM

The Father and the father, yes!

01-01-2011, 05:28 PM

I'm the most interesting man in the world...Men ask me for my blessing to marry their daughter...my charisma can be seen from space...my beard is listed on my donor card....just kidding...good on ya for asking..It's the right thing to do.

BlackDog · 01-01-2011, 05:35 PM

I young man recently asked me if he could marry my daughter. They have been dating for almost two years, so I was not suprised when he asked, but I did very much appreciate it. I expect he will ask her sometime in the next month or so.

Ratters · 01-01-2011, 08:03 PM

I didn't ask either time. But I was old both times and already friends with my future FILs so it was more fun to surprise them with the news than ask permission.

replicant_argent · 01-01-2011, 08:29 PM

The little punk ass dipsh!t engaged to my daughter did not ask me. Both 18 years old, knowing/dating each other for a whole 5 months before he popped the question, and off to college together.
He asked my ex-wifes husband... Oh yeah, since then, that dude is on his way to being an ex husband now too.
I contemplate making putz-boy regret it, but resignation and tact set in and I don't. I am hoping for a better 2011. The wedding is in June, however...

I have more than a few concerns about the whole shootin' match, as you can probably tell.

01-01-2011, 01:31 PM	#1
E.J. I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 3,218 Trading: (21)	Asking for the Father's Blessing? Not wanting to steal thunder or hi-jack one of the engagement threads, I wondered what the B/SOTL say? I have been married twice and did not even think to discuss my pending engagement with the first FIL, but actually felt huge guilt about that when we told her parents the news. It was like I could see the "I'm losing my little girl" in his eyes and I knew right then that I should have discussed my intentions with him prior to asking. It was not as if anything he would have said, would have changed the course of my actions(they loved me, so there was no worry, still do actually), but I knew after the fact, that *in my mind*, it would have been the right thing to do. I did not make this mistake the second time. It was a phone conversation, which I felt was also a bit "half assed", but there was distance and that was the way it was going to be done. Actually did it seconds before I popped the question, but I felt better about doing it all the same.... Long story short, I hope the man that asks my daughter to spend her life with him, discusses that with me prior...& my son will know my expectations of him as well..... Too traditional? What did you do? If you have been on the other side, stories one way or the other? Thoughts from the women on this forum?

01-01-2011, 01:39 PM	#2
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? I proposed in 1982 and I did ask my future FIL for permission because that was what my then-girlfriend-now-wife wanted me to do... It was a good thing I did as we became good friends and I think the fact that I asked really started us off on the right foot. __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

01-01-2011, 01:42 PM	#3
Ogre **CENSORED** Join Date: Apr 2010 First Name: Larry Location: Central Florida Posts: 12,068 Trading: (46)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? I agree with you E.J. I didnt know until this morning. I think he should have asked me first. Guess we are just old fashioned!! __________________

01-01-2011, 01:51 PM	#4
DrDubzz Formerly RX2010 Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Tim Location: Virginia Posts: 2,201 Trading: (34)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? I asked, but it was merely a formality, I would have proposed regardless. However, I think it has gone a long way in creating good will

01-01-2011, 02:58 PM	#5
icehog3 Admiral Douchebag Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Tom Location: Clermont, Kentucky Posts: 71,293 Trading: (60)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? I asked my FIL. Wish he had said "no". __________________ Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!

01-01-2011, 02:58 PM	#6
zappaFREAK The Black Page Join Date: Oct 2010 First Name: Stephen Location: CT Posts: 349 Trading: (5)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? A great thing to do. I never did it though. My in laws were totally against the union and I think they were bitter about it till the day they passed. We went as far as talking about eloping with a ladder but ended up with a very nice wedding. I could not bring myself to ask because of the anomisity and have always regretted it. __________________ "Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side." FZ zappaFREAK

01-01-2011, 03:19 PM	#7
ahc4353 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? Unless I'm losing my mind I think we just had a thread like this. Anyway, I asked, glad I did. I hope my sons do the same when it's time for them.

01-01-2011, 04:08 PM	#9
timj219 Feeling at Home Join Date: Jun 2010 First Name: Tim Location: Binghamton, NY Posts: 699 Trading: (15)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? My wife-to-be hinted that she expected me to ask her father's blessing if I wanted to marry her. I think I would have anyway. It was obvious that even though she was in her 20s and living on her own, he still regarded himself in some way her protector. And I think she felt that way too. It is old fashioned and I guess it could be seen as sexist but I'm glad I sought his blessing first. I think it's helped make my relationship with him a good one. __________________ "All this of Pot and Potter - Tell me then, Who is the Potter, pray, and who the Pot?" Omar Khayyam

01-01-2011, 04:17 PM	#10
awsmith4 Simple Pleasures - 2oL Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Albert Location: Marietta, Georgia Posts: 4,602 Trading: (111)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? When I asked my FIL he said "Its fine with me but I'm not sure she'll say yes" __________________ Its THIS easy to support our troops

01-01-2011, 04:26 PM	#11
chippewastud79 Fatter than you! Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Larry Location: A little place called home. Posts: 5,397 Trading: (44)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? I asked my father-in-law. I felt its the right thing to do considering we had a pretty good relationship. Her sisters husband did not ask and her parents seemed to be perturbed by this. __________________ If we weren't supposed to eat animals, then how come they're made of meat? You can never have too many cigars, they are like an investment in good times.

01-01-2011, 04:31 PM	#12
pnoon YNWA Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Peter Location: San Diego Posts: 29,919 Trading: (20)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? My son-in-law called and asked for our blessing to propose. We had known that sooner or later they would get married but I was impressed that he called to ask. I don't think I would have minded had he not. But I liked the fact that he asked. My immediate response was "Let me think about it and I'll get back to you." After being admonished by my wife, I laughed and said, "Of course." __________________ Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. -John Wooden

01-01-2011, 04:48 PM	#13
htown Feeling at Home Join Date: Dec 2008 First Name: Mike Location: Sugar Land Posts: 877 Trading: (29)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? My wife's father passed the year before I met her, but I did ask her mother.

01-01-2011, 04:51 PM	#14
Cigarcop Wishin I Was Fishin Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Pa, In a treestand Posts: 1,434 Trading: (40)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? I was stupid enough to ask two times! but I do believe its the right thing to do.

01-01-2011, 05:11 PM	#15
Tauma Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? Personally, I don't see it as much of an option but a necessity but I've always been old school. I asked my lady's father over the phone because 600 miles is a bit much; I do wish I had done so in person though. I have yet to pop the question as I need to ask her grandfather (mother's side and was pretty much her father growing up), save up some more money, and wait for the right moment. Her father and I are cool so he totally supported it. If he didn't approve I'm not sure what I would have done; either do it anyways, or work to butter him up until he approved I suppose

01-01-2011, 05:17 PM	#16
hotreds Ephesians 2:8 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 5 miles past "Resume Speed" Posts: 11,662 Trading: (63)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? The Father and the father, yes! __________________ God loves you so much, that he made you read this, just to let you know.

01-01-2011, 05:28 PM	#17
Springsman Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? I'm the most interesting man in the world...Men ask me for my blessing to marry their daughter...my charisma can be seen from space...my beard is listed on my donor card....just kidding...good on ya for asking..It's the right thing to do.

01-01-2011, 05:35 PM	#18
BlackDog Gonna make you groove... Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Warren Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,468 Trading: (19)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? I young man recently asked me if he could marry my daughter. They have been dating for almost two years, so I was not suprised when he asked, but I did very much appreciate it. I expect he will ask her sometime in the next month or so. __________________ "We live in the good of this."

01-01-2011, 08:03 PM	#19
Ratters Have My Own Room Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,848 Trading: (2)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? I didn't ask either time. But I was old both times and already friends with my future FILs so it was more fun to surprise them with the news than ask permission.

01-01-2011, 08:29 PM	#20
replicant_argent Gravy Boat Winnah. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Pete Location: my attorney has advised against giving this information to insane people Posts: 5,326 Trading: (22)	Re: Asking for the Father's Blessing? The little punk ass dipsh!t engaged to my daughter did not ask me. Both 18 years old, knowing/dating each other for a whole 5 months before he popped the question, and off to college together. He asked my ex-wifes husband... Oh yeah, since then, that dude is on his way to being an ex husband now too. I contemplate making putz-boy regret it, but resignation and tact set in and I don't. I am hoping for a better 2011. The wedding is in June, however... I have more than a few concerns about the whole shootin' match, as you can probably tell. __________________ www.stogietorch.com Some days call for a stiff Pomade.