Bootyism

[markem]

A friend who has macular degeneration finds some pretty amazing stuff because his speech to text program sometimes doesn't quite understand him. He came across this today. It is from 2001.

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A new religion is sweeping the nation. Maybe you thought there was not enough room for more yuppy, new-aged spiritual froo-froo. Butt no.

Welcome to the newest spiritual path to fulfillment, improving and enriching the lives of millions: Bootyism.

Bootyism, with a developed base and center in Butte, Montana, was originally founded in 1998 by Ophelia Buns and her husband Dr. Hap E. Buns. Having gained its initial followers via the internet, Bootyism has spread far and wide.

Worship within the Bootyistic church consists of singing, “I Like Big Butts” and “Jump, Shake Your Booty” being among the more traditional hymns, and the ritual eating of legumes in order to release the spirit and song of the Butt. Some of the more radical churches, however, also incorporate Butt handling (much like snake handling although not at all), to display extreme faith in the Butt doctrine, and some have been known to encourage, in fits of religious fanaticism, speaking in Butts. Other Bootyistic churches, especially in the southeastern United States, encourage religious worship via “booty” dancing in which members shake and occasionally rub rumps.

Based on worship of the Butt, this religion has been criticized by some. “Bootyism, being Butt-oriented as it is, will create a buttriarchy in our society. It is dangerous,” said religion expert Bud Tocks.

The Buns, however, deny such claims. “The Butt has a spirit all its own. We have denied its original power and unique expression for centuries,” said founder Ophelia Buns. “Its time we all touched ... got in touch with our Butts and our inner booty.”

The crux of the religious celebration comes in early August when Uranus can be viewed on the edge of the horizon. The Uranus Celebration is held annually in Butte, the veritable mecca of Bootyism. The spirit of the season, however, was slightly marred last year when a naughty youth broadcast “The Thong Song” at the celebration. The youth was later spanked.

Despite this obvious show of disrespect for the Butt (thongs are considered a sacrilege by the Bootyists — too much chaffing), last year’s Uranus Celebration drew quite a large crowd. “Last year, over 250 people — and 500 cheeks — all came out to Butte to celebrate Uranus. It was bootyful,” said Bootyist Seymour Rump.

To encourage knowledge and exploration of the Butt and Bootyism, weekly meetings will be held in the Butt ...errrr, the Hut.

http://media.www.guilfordian.com/med...tt-61477.shtml