Some great dirty jokes!

Honey, Not Tonight

I have never understood why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

The passion starts to heat up, when she eventually said "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She then responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not for what I do in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep…

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a good lunch and then went shopping at a very big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said "Let's get a pair for each outfit".

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she then asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"

I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.