The Gorilla Finger of doom!!!!

As many may of you know, Simon had a plan to hit me with a Gorilla Finger. I told him that if he had ever sent one to me, I'd smoke it. He didn't send it to me. He handed it to me in Vegas. It was in a large ziploc inside it's own single stick ziploc. I don't think it was enough!!!!!

I decided after a couple decent sticks one day at Pheasant in Vegas that it was time to do it. I took it out of the outer bag, and found the individual bag to be sticky to the touch. NOT a good sign. It was like a layer of grease had dried on it. If only that was the worst of it. I took the stick out of it inner bag and the perfume smell hit right away. I wasn't having second thoughts, as when I say I'll do something, I mean it. But I knew I would be in for some punishment. The cigar and the band were sticky to the touch, too. WTF did I get myself into, I was thinking.

Being blinded by the task that was in front of me (smoking the huge, nasty cigar), I did not realize that it was pre-cut, and cut it. I think the cutter should have been sterilized afterwards. So I take a draw, and realize that I'm truly in for some pain. It was nasty. It was like the roller spilled a botle of perfume on the thing. YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I lit the thing and started puffing away. It was putrid! I've smoked a Cremosa before, and I can say that was a pleasant experience compared to this. Within ~2 minutes, my lips started to go numb. Unfortunately, my tongue did not. It lit fairly easily (not surprisingly with all the petrochemicals used to flavor this thing), drew easily (which thankfully made it smoke quicker), and burned fairly cleanly.

How do I describe the flavor. First off...NASTY. It tasted like perfume, and not good perfume. It was like cheap nasty stuff that even would make a French whorehouse smeel like dasies. Because of whatever they used to give it that horrid flavor, it lasted on the tongue FAR too long and kept building throughout the whole cigar (if you can call it a cigar). It stuck there and stayed and got worse and worse and worse. I'm not sure that it was even made of tobacco, and the only thing I tasted was that perfume.

I kept puffing and puffing on it, and tried to get through it. I was like a leper while I smoked it, as no one wanted to be near me (and I don't blame them!). Everyone in the shop (95% of them were there for E.L.V.I.S.) weren't giving me too hard of a time, though. I drank Dr. Pepper to try to clear the flavor out of my mouth. It helped, but not much. The scum left on my tongue was just TOOOOOO heavy to get rid of. I think I went through 3 cans while smoking it.

It got to the point where my fingers were getting warm, and I was given a nub tool to finish it. By then, I was thinking I never should have agreed to smoke it. How could anyone ever choose to smoke something that should be considered hazardous waste? WTF? Aaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!! I finally smoked the thing as far as I could, which was much farther than I truly wanted to, but a deal's a deal. I pitched the nub and immediately went to the bathroom to wash the tool, as well as my hands. They were literally sticky from it. No puking, but I think that would have tasted better.

After finishing it, I felt like taking sandpaper to my tongue to get rid of that taste. I drank more Dr. Pepper and went outside to spit, hoping that would help. needless to say, it was several hours before I lit up anything else, and it wasn't something spectacular, so I didn't miss out on anything.

Here is a one word review of it: RUN. Run as far away as fast as you can if you ever see one. I can't imagine a worse cigar available, and don't want to try to find or sample one, either, EVER.

I will conclude my review by stating that I did not have a camera there to take pictures, but several others did. I will say that I honestly did not play up and looks that I was giving for the camera. It was that bad!!!! Hopefully a few of those with pics will put them up soon in this thread.