Everyday colloquialisms

[jjirons69]

My dad is king of colloquialisms. Everything was hot as something, cold as something, wet as something, etc., you get the drift. I grew up around that and I use a lot of them on a daily basis myself, so I thought it's be fun to see the ones you guys say or like. That's right, guys, as colloquialisms seem to be a guy thing. Some of my personal favorites, most of which I use from time to time and some I often hear. Posting here might give me some new ones.

Hard as Chinese algebra.
High as a Georgia pine.
F***ed up as Hogan's goat.
Hot as the hinges of hell.
Hot as Hades.
Cold as a landlord's heart.
Cold as a witches tit in a brass bra.
Cold as a gravediggers a$$.
Warm as in your mother's arms.
Lost as last year's Easter egg.
F***ed up as a can of worms.
Tight as a hat band.
Quick as grease through a goose.
Slick as owl $hit.
Sweating like a whore in church.
Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Horny as a two d*ck goat.
Dumb as a bag of hammers.
Dumb as a box of rocks.
He's a couple cards short of a full deck.
His elevator doesn't go to the top floor.
Off like a prom dress.
Heading out like a newborn.
Busy as a one-armed paper hanger.
Lord willing and the creek don't rise.


I'll post more as I hear them or they come to mind.