What Joe Cigar won't tell you, and how to fight it

[Drazzil]

1. "I move factory disgarded batches" and "My stuff is shipped green"

Sadly, a lot of the big names that appear on Joe (even the good deals) are most likely bad batches of an existing name. A good example of this was the 601 red deal that I bought four of. They were greener then hell and for a year and a half unsmokable. I gave a few out to friends, and tried one myself... They love em, but having smoked other 601 Reds I can tell you, that there is still something slightly off about em. Great smokes, just not like regular 601's. Even when they aren't "disguards" they are shipped still reeking of ammonia.

2. "I pile it high and deep" or "I sell indifferent product and call it the second coming"

Joe is a master at picking up off brands and stuff that doesent quite meet the muster of distinguishing afficianados (Gurkha... I'm looking at you!) And selling it as if its "mana from heaven".

Sadly I can tell you exactly why they do this. As evidenced by the continued existance of places like Thompson and Swisher Sweet, most cigar smokers couldnt tell the difference between a ten year old Monticristo and a three month old Creamosa.

3. "Most of my deals, are just the box price, divided by two"

Yes it's true folks. Most of the ten pack "deals" seen on Joe are just the regular box price, divided in two with free shipping tacked on.

Take Joe's deal today for example: La Gloria Cubana Wavells

It's 2-Fer Tuesday! Rather than run with the usual super-premium discount goodness, Joe's letting you double-dip on extra-enjoyable savings! Let's get right to it, shall well? Here begins the madness....

This feisty number is crafted in the legendary El Credito factory and blended by cigar-master Ernesto Perez-Carrillo. World renown for its full-flavored and full-bodied character, La Gloria Cubana employs a robust mixture of aged Dominican and Nicaraguan long-fillers inside a tasty Ecuadorian wrapper. The result is a rich, satisfying cigar of the highest caliber, with hearty undertones and a long-lasting finish. La Gloria Cubana Wavells for just $2.50 apiece? You betcha!

Folks, let's cut right to the chase here. This is an absolutely insane price for La Gloria Cubana. If you're a fan of bold and flavorful cigars, you'd be crazy to deny Joe today.

What they dont tell you is that all they are giving you is a hair off their regular price.. Bear with me for a few seconds for some very simple calculations:

Take Joe Cigars per stick price, you can obtain this by dividing the number of sticks by the end price. In the case of todays Joe, you have 20 sticks, so, divide the price by the number of sticks, and you get the final price of $2.50 a stick. Now, go to Cigars International's website and look up their non sales price. It's $63.95 for a box of twenty five, with box, minus shipping. You get yourself a final price per stick of 2.558 or $2.56 a cigar.

Now, heres the part where it gets intresting.

Divide 2.558 by 2.50. You get a cost savings of only 2.32 percent. Thats around five cents a stick, for giving up a box. Now, I didn't figure in the shipping because honestly, you can find free shipping pretty easily with a lot of the codes floating around, that shouldn't be a factor.

Eye opening no?

4. "I'm not as good as I used to be"

A lot of the smoking hot deals you used to see on Joe arent there. In other words, you'll see a lot more coal before you see any diamonds.

5. "Most of the good deals you wont even see"

This is the one that pisses me off the most.

CI runs most if not ALL of their good Jambalaya deals either in the middle of the night or around 6 in the morning West Coast time.

As a marketing major I can tell you precisely why they do this. This is the time when most people are either still Asleep (West Coast) or just commuted in from work. They dont want people actually seeing this deal and acting on it... They DO want people to hear about it the next day. In other words, positive word of mouth without the need to actually pay much to generate it

Inmate 1: "Dude did you hear about the smokin deal on Joe today?"

Inmate 2: "No I gotta check on Joe more often!"

And thus the cycle continues.

This, more then anything else makes me madder then hell.

Now, I'm not suggesting anyone boycott Joe, as greedy scheming bastard that he is, and as many times as I've been caught by the hype I can say that Joe is still good for the occasional fair shake. But there are three things you can do to keep Joe's hands out of your pockets unless it is a genuine good deal.

1. Unsure about a smoke? Search the forums and Ask about before you pull the trigger.

This has saved me a lot of money on the long run, and kept me from pulling the trigger on some truly awful turds.

2. Divide the cost of a box by two, then see if that ten pack is such a good deal.

Take todays deal for example

Use any garden variety calculator or calculator program. Often times unless this is really a smoke you wanted to try, you find your urge to pull the trigger waning as you find that you can get a box for twice the Joe price, sometimes even less.

3. Wait an hour and stew. Unless this is a genuine smokin deal, waiting an hour wont hurt anything, and will give you the time to really think your purchase through. Oftentimes you find yourself saying "Nahhhh, I dont really need this. Wait an hour and stew.