And that's how the fight started.....

[e-man67]

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a
cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you
last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

______________________________

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire" while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
"'No,' she answered. I then said,
"Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,
'Yes.'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...

______________________________ __

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....

______________________________ __

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high
school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man
swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to
drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go
on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...

______________________________ __

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife
kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But,
somehow I always had something else to take care of
first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always
something more important to me. Finally she thought
of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in
the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair
of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short
time and then went into the house. I was gone only a
minute and when I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always
have a limp.

______________________________ __

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping
channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
______________________________ __

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed,
made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I
hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to
back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day. I went back into the house,
quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I
cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there
is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you
believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...

______________________________ __

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0
to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......

______________________________ __

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

______________________________ __

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom
mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started.