Combat Driving

[Tikihut27]

Since school will be starting soon-

How to tell if your child's school bus driver is an Iraq/Afghanistan veteran who spent a little too much time on the road while in country:

1) Bus is "up-armored".

2) Instead of picking up kids at their stop, driver tosses them bottled water and MRE's without slowing down.

3) Insists all passengers wear gloves, safety glasses, and hearing protection.

4) Is late every trash day due to frequent calls to EOD.

5) Refuses to drive without a helicopter escort.

6) When cut off in traffic, driver calls in direction, distance, and description of the offending vehicle to imaginary machine gunner on roof of bus.

7) Appoints your child as an alternate litter bearer.

8) Sets up weapons clearing barrels at the school entrance and won't let the kids go inside without using them. (This is actually not a bad idea.)

9) Has an understanding of traffic lanes, red lights, etc., but is certain the rules only apply for other drivers.

10) The swing-out sign when the bus stops doesn't say "STOP"; it says "Stay back 100 meters or you will be fired upon" in English and Arabic.

11) Has kids "dismount" and form a perimeter every time the bus stops.

12) Refers to teachers and other staff who work in the school as "Fobbits".

13) Changes lanes when driving under overpasses.

14) Won't start driving until all loose items are strapped down.

15) Refers to pedestrians as "local nationals".

16) Keeps several empty Gatorade bottles handy at all times.