An Apology on Craig's List

[awsmith4]

Not sure if this was posted, my wife saw it on Craig's list and showed me



An Apology to the guy that tried to mug me
Reply to: pers-edft2-1310547695@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-08-07, 106AM



To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Eugene night before last. Date: 2009-04-23, 6:43 AM EST

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my wife Jane. You also asked for my wife's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to #%*t and piss in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.

You see, my WIFE had just bought me that Springfield Model 1911-A1 .45 ACP pistol for MY BIRTHDAY, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening....Beautiful pistol, eh?

It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown BLOB flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again..

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Eugene Mission, along with all of the cash in your wallet..

I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number)..

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky..

- Gary in Oregon!!

P.S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society!

Support the 2nd Amendment!!!!!!!

"""GOD BLESS YOU"""

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Original URL: http://atlanta.craigslist.org/rnr/1310547695.html