Trick the Noob

[TheTraveler]

When I was in the service we really enjoyed playing tricks on the Boots (newbies) fresh out of Infantry School. They were so innocent and wet-behind-the-ears that they'd believe almost anything us salty dogs would tell them.

Four of my favorites were:

- Send the boot/noob to the Armory to get a "can of backblast"
(backblast is the air/gasses/heat expelled from the back end of a rocket launcher - hard to find a can of that layin' around)

- Send the boot/noob running with a spool of wire from fighting hole to fighting hole so we could hook up field phones. While he was running we'd hurriedly attach the wires to our phone and wait. When he grabbed the other end of the wires to attach them on his end we'd crank the hell out of our phone and give him a good zap!
(that one still brings tears to my eyes )

- Send the boot/noob to Supply to get a can of plaid paint.
(paint comes in many colors - plaid ain't one of them)

- Send the boot/noob running to the Gunny (Gunnery Seargeant, rank E-7) to get the radio, a PRC-77. "Run Boot, tell him we need that 'Prick E-7' in a hurry!"
(In general, a Gunny doesn't like being called a prick by a buck Private!)


To be honest I love playing pranks on almost anyone. I can't count the number of times I've hidden behind doors or under beds to jump out and scare my wife. When I was a kid I crawled under the pews in church from one end of the building to the other just to sneak up on a lady and grab her ankle while she was vacuuming the carpet one afternoon. (I got in big trouble for that one - she was elderly and didn't enjoy the scare I gave her - I couldn't sit down comfortably that night!) My dog is no longer amused with my 'pretend to throw the toy' trick - he just stares at me in a 'you jackass' tone of voice until I actually throw it.


So, what about you guys? What are your favorite tricks to play on the noobs, your friends, your spouse, your pet, your pastor, whoever? By pooling our resources we pranksters can laugh ourselves silly for years to come!

Also, just curious - are there any traditional Cigar Asylum pranks that the FOGs like to pull on the noobs? I say if there aren't any yet we should make a few!