Puns 'R Us

[Steve]

~ A good pun is its own reword.

~ Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

~ A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

~ A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

~ My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

~ Dijon vu: The same mustard as before.

~ I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

~ A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

~ Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

~ I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

~ I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

~ Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

~ Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

~ Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

~ Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

~ Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

~ A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

~ Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

~ Acupuncture is a jab well done.