Taking customer service up a notch

[markem]

So I placed an order on Amazon and got this notice from the company selling the product:

Your Order Has Been Shipped with Tracking #: XXXXXXXXXX

How Did We Manage To Ship Your Order?
Your products were carefully removed from our bomb-proof bunker located 47 stories below the earth’s crust and hand-delivered to our secret order-packing temple where team of 47 uniformed fulfilment professionals gingerly packed your order under the guise of monks chanting ohms of good fortune.

Once sealed, your box was placed in a locked holding cell while 14 statisticians, all holding doctorate degrees from prestigious universities, meticulously studied your address and selected an optimal, unique tracking number destined to deliver your order safely & encourage a joyful unpacking experience: XXXXXXXXXX

We’ve popped a bottle of 1978 Dom Perignon to celebrate this glorious experience and bid your package a safe journey to you, our most valued customer.