Stupid knows no bounds.

[shilala]

Appears I'll be spending the day in bed. This is a good story that pretty much typifies the depth of and width and breadth of my retardation, so bear with me.
I have a neurological disorder that makes all my muscles contract, then doesn't allow them to retract. I take tons of pills that keep it mostly in check, which is totally awesome, and I thank the Good Lord for it every day.*
There's just one hitch, I cannot ingest potassium. I have to read every label, and watch for it everywhere. It's not even a big deal. A little doesn't matter, I just have to stay away from "lots of potassium" stuff, like soft drinks, diet "vitamin water", anything with weird potassium chemical derivatives.
So fast forward to yesterday...
Aunt Beverly brought one of those graham cracker deserts with 3 inches of cool whip and sprinkles on top to the Super Bowl party we hosted.
I saw my daughter passing out plates and asked her, "Fix up your old Dad". So she got my a giant pile, and i pounded it in my face at light speed. I remember thinking, "mmmmmmmmmm, these bananas aren't even mooshy. Aunt Beverly must have got bananas just a few days ago cause they're just right"
Then Lisa said, "Isn't that bananas?", to which I replied, "ya, baby. Want some?"
She declined. A bit later while I'm stomping the second giant pile in my face, Lisa says "Is that more of that banana stuff?, to which I replied, "oh, yeah, baby, It is SO good!!!"
A little while later, I started gimping around while we were cleaning up. I made a comment to her about it, and she said "You had two plates of bananas, what do you expect? You're really gonna pay tomorrow."
At that very moment is when it occurred to me that banana desert contained bananas.*
Then I said "Why'd you let me eat that crap, you know I can't eat that stuff?" (That's the old "divert attention and shift the blame" technique. Lisa is too smart, it doesn't work, but I'm compelled to try it out occasionally, anyways.)
Her answer was "I asked you if there bananas in there."
That's when I explained to her that it never occurred to me for a moment that banana desert actually contained bananas. I'm not sure she really believes I'm that stupid, but here I am before God and my brothers exclaiming "Yes, Martha, I'm that freaking stupid."
Fortunately she was good enough to fetch me a green pill a little while ago which are my emergency pills that'll keep my muscles from tearing up my joints and ruining me for a week. I'll spend the day all doofy from green pills watching SpongeBob.

The proper response to this story is not "Sorry, Scott, get better soon."
I'm thinking something more on the lines of "damn, man, you're about as sharp as a rubber band" would be far more appropriate.

And so I haven't completely wasted your time, here's an interesting fact. Prunes have way more potassium than bananas. I just found that out a couple weeks ago. Fortunately I didn't eat them. I now treat them as if they're toxic waste.