what's the WORST cigar you've smoked?

ujponds · 08-14-2010, 01:42 PM

Like most people here I check Cigar Monster all day long. I always click on the reviews and find it funny how much they can differ. I was wondering what some of the worst cigars some of you have had are?

For me it has to be Helix Maduro Torpedo

Ogre · 08-14-2010, 01:44 PM

Gurkha Double Black. 2 puffs and I was done!!!

markem · 08-14-2010, 01:44 PM

After a certain point, I don't distinguish if this one bad stick was worse than some other bad stick. Bad is bad. There are far too many that never made it past the first puff.

Brian D. · 08-14-2010, 01:45 PM

The brand name was "Smokin' Toad". Some of us renamed it "Chokin' Turd".

The Poet · 08-14-2010, 01:48 PM

Somebody gave me a few Santana churchills once. Don't know anything about them, but three puffs in I trashed it.

I may still have one buried somewhere, if you're interested.

Footbag · 08-14-2010, 01:53 PM

Easy... Gifted Cohibo from the DR.

Tasted like fish food.

stevieray · 08-14-2010, 02:04 PM

Maroma

Eleven · 08-14-2010, 02:18 PM

Gurkha. Have not had one yet that I could finish.

shilala · 08-14-2010, 02:36 PM

Padilla Miami.
I've smoked lots of really bad cigars, but I really fought through that one. Now I suffer a half an inch till I throw them in the alley.

maninblack · 08-14-2010, 03:26 PM

Mine would have to be a flor de todo or something like that. Tasted like ass compounded with dog crap.

kelmac07 · 08-14-2010, 03:30 PM

No contest...Lars Teten Gorillafinger!!

Dunkel · 08-14-2010, 03:36 PM

Pick any from my signature.

08-14-2010, 03:59 PM

Nicaraguan Bundle stick that i got from CI last summer when I first
started out.... Took Me 6 months to find somebody who'll smoke "Anything"
that I could give them to! They were so bad that I wouldn't have felt
right even sending them to the troops!

icehog3 · 08-14-2010, 04:00 PM

Cremosa Cubana, hands down.

Runners up:

Tamboril
Gurkha Regent
Fauxhiba at SHV

For those of you who weren't on CS back in 2005, Dave had a contest to see which cigar was worse, a Cremosa or a Tamboril. This was my entry after trying both cigars:

Quote:

Tamboril

I decide to smoke the Tamboril in the parking garage near where I work. Pulling the cigar from its cellophane jail, I swear I have seen this cigar before. Finally, it comes to me…it is just the same as the Cuban Cohibas I bought from the guy walking the beach in Cancun last summer. A squeeze reveals a spongy construction, much like a contraceptive sponge prior to insertion.

Pre-light draw

The pre-light draw is a taste to remember…its what I imagine sucking powdered goat feces through a straw made of petrified moose $hit might taste like. I contemplate quitting the contest and sending Dave back his extra smokes, but decide that if I can have a root canal with no anesthesia, I can smoke this cigar.

The smoke

As I toast the end, the smell of the Killing Fields of Cambodia is what I perceive. All the pain and torture endured there seems only slightly worse than the experience I am beginning. The first draw fills my mouth with smoke that would be better suited for a fire at a tire factory, but I press on, knowing that I must help Dave find some answers to his dilemma. My head begins to pound like a headboard in a Ginger Lynn movie, but I puff again, trying to keep the smoke in and the bile down. The cigar is burning sideways and fast, and finally I can take no more. I see a homeless man walking by in his filthy clothes, and I ask him to spit in my mouth to take away the taste of the Tamboril. He obliges and the stale taste of Mad Dog 20/20 and Virginia Slims is a welcome change. I offer him the remainder of the cigar as a reward for his kind gesture, and he slugs me square in the mouth. The mixture of my own blood and the Mogan David remain with me on my journey home for the second part of my adventure.

Cremosa

I take the Cremosa out of its wrapper, and am immediately overwhelmed by the scent of Miss Locascio’s house. Miss L was the woman on our block with 72 cats, 3 ferrets and a nasty flatulence problem. The cigar feels harder than the mattress at the Motel 6 and has the same color as the middle of horrorview’s prescription thong.

Pre-light draw

The pre-light draw feels looser than an Irish hooker on St Patrick’s Day. I long for the taste of spit and blood again as I taste the rancid pork washed down with spoiled milk flavor that the Cremosa offers.I shudder as I reach into my pocket for my lighter. As I contemplate my next move, Chevy Chase appears on my shoulder…”See the cigar, hog….be the cigar”….I flick my bic.

The smoke

The smell of the cigar is a familiar one….the smoke smells like the water that leaks out of a dumpster behind a Mexican restaurant on a 95 degree day. My head swims with irrational thoughts….”should I slit my wrists?”….”should I eat a bullet?”…..”should I watch 'American Idol'?”. Finally, sanity creeps back in, and I rush to the sink. No time for the Drew Estates Dave included as a palate cleanser, I reach for the Liquid Plumber and greedily chug from the bottle. The second degree burns scorching my tongue bring welcome relief from the taste of the Craposa. In the ambulance, the paramedic asks ”what is that rancid pork and spoiled milk smell on your breath”, even as he stabilizes my vital signs. I will live, he tells me, and by the way, he found my cigar and saved it for me. I wonder if they will have any sharp items in my hospital room?

So the loser… or the winner…of the worst of the worst…Cremosa. Thanks a lot Dave…I will send you the hospital bills.

s15driftking · 08-14-2010, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Footbag

.

Tasted like fish food.

you eat fish food?

mine would be the La Aurora Barrel Aged

JDTexan · 08-14-2010, 04:11 PM

Any Gurkha I ever tried to choke down.

Starz26 · 08-14-2010, 04:13 PM

Some Punch NC. Tasted like vomit and made me want to do same.

dwoodward · 08-14-2010, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dunkel

Pick any from my signature.

I have had the Cuba Libre, and yes, I agree, worst cigar I have ever smoked.

sikk50 · 08-14-2010, 04:38 PM

I reviewed it actualy!

http://www.cigarasylum.com/vb/showthread.php?t=21081

NCRadioMan · 08-14-2010, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icehog3

Cremosa Cubana, hands down.

Runners up:

Tamboril
Gurkha Regent
Fauxhiba at SHV

For those of you who weren't on CS back in 2005, Dave had a contest to see which cigar was worse, a Cremosa or a Tamboril. This was my entry after trying both cigars:

No question although my Tamboril was worse than the Cremosa but I don't want to even look at either one again. The Gurkha Legend in the pppp was really horrible at SH IV too.

Those three stick out as the worst.

08-14-2010, 01:42 PM	#1
ujponds Homer Joe Join Date: Jul 2010 First Name: Mark Location: New York Posts: 238 Trading: (2)	what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Like most people here I check Cigar Monster all day long. I always click on the reviews and find it funny how much they can differ. I was wondering what some of the worst cigars some of you have had are? For me it has to be Helix Maduro Torpedo

08-14-2010, 01:44 PM	#2
Ogre **CENSORED** Join Date: Apr 2010 First Name: Larry Location: Central Florida Posts: 12,068 Trading: (46)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Gurkha Double Black. 2 puffs and I was done!!!

08-14-2010, 01:44 PM	#3
markem Bunion Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Mark Location: Second Star on the Right Posts: 22,664 Trading: (47)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? After a certain point, I don't distinguish if this one bad stick was worse than some other bad stick. Bad is bad. There are far too many that never made it past the first puff. __________________ I refuse to belong to any organization that would have me as a member. ~ Groucho Marx

08-14-2010, 01:45 PM	#4
Brian D. Have My Own Room Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Brian Location: SW Ohio Posts: 1,684 Trading: (1)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? The brand name was "Smokin' Toad". Some of us renamed it "Chokin' Turd". __________________ Any gathering that includes Elderboy02 is "NKA"-- --No Ketchup Allowed.

08-14-2010, 01:48 PM	#5
The Poet Il megglior fabbro Join Date: Jun 2009 First Name: Thomas Location: Hickory, NC Posts: 8,420 Trading: (2)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Somebody gave me a few Santana churchills once. Don't know anything about them, but three puffs in I trashed it. I may still have one buried somewhere, if you're interested.

08-14-2010, 01:53 PM	#6
Footbag I Need My Space Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Adam Location: NEPA Posts: 1,216 Trading: (7)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Easy... Gifted Cohibo from the DR. Tasted like fish food.

08-14-2010, 02:04 PM	#7
stevieray Just slacking off Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Steve Location: CT Posts: 721 Trading: (42)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Maroma __________________

08-14-2010, 02:18 PM	#8
Eleven Solid As The Sun Join Date: Aug 2009 First Name: Scott Location: SW Ohio Posts: 1,859 Trading: (23)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Gurkha. Have not had one yet that I could finish. __________________ CA: putting the 'man' in bromance since 2008! --markem.

08-14-2010, 02:36 PM	#9
shilala Dear Lord, Thank You. Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Scott Posts: 13,721 Trading: (252)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Padilla Miami. I've smoked lots of really bad cigars, but I really fought through that one. Now I suffer a half an inch till I throw them in the alley. __________________

08-14-2010, 03:26 PM	#10
maninblack Will smoke for food Join Date: Jan 2010 First Name: Kevin Location: Where the hoot owls f$ck the chickens Posts: 10,637 Trading: (80)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Mine would have to be a flor de todo or something like that. Tasted like ass compounded with dog crap. __________________ Proud member of the GMCGTPWHAFA

08-14-2010, 03:30 PM	#11
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? No contest...Lars Teten Gorillafinger!! __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

08-14-2010, 03:36 PM	#12
Dunkel Maduro & Oscuro Whore-O Join Date: Jun 2009 First Name: Doug Location: West by God Virginia Posts: 2,232 Trading: (75)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Pick any from my signature. __________________ Blue Label,Any Filipe Gregorio,Acid,Don Elias,El Mejor Espresso,Tierra del Sol

08-14-2010, 03:59 PM	#13
whodeeni Guest Posts: n/a	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Nicaraguan Bundle stick that i got from CI last summer when I first started out.... Took Me 6 months to find somebody who'll smoke "Anything" that I could give them to! They were so bad that I wouldn't have felt right even sending them to the troops!

08-14-2010, 04:11 PM	#16
JDTexan College Football Fanatic Join Date: Jul 2010 First Name: Justin Location: Conservativeville Posts: 597 Trading: (3)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Any Gurkha I ever tried to choke down.

08-14-2010, 04:13 PM	#17
Starz26 Adjusting to the Life Join Date: Aug 2009 First Name: Eric Location: Ohio Posts: 486 Trading: (22)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? Some Punch NC. Tasted like vomit and made me want to do same.

08-14-2010, 04:38 PM	#19
sikk50 Just Bored Really... Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Andrew Location: The Jefferson State Posts: 2,084 Trading: (13)	Re: what's the WORST cigar you've smoked? I reviewed it actualy! http://www.cigarasylum.com/vb/showthread.php?t=21081 __________________ "Not a Headache in a Hogshead"