The New Draft...

Neuromancer · 06-13-2010, 02:05 AM

Cribbed from one of the pipe boards...

Drafting men over 60 - this is funny & obviously written by a former soldier:

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-*****.'

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed-off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

How about recruiting Women over 50....in menopause! You think Men have attitudes! Ohhhhhh my God! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

Send this to all of your senior friends...it's in big type so they can read it.

Hell, where's my rifle, I'm ready to go...

G G · 06-13-2010, 06:45 AM

kelmac07 · 06-13-2010, 08:12 AM

Nice!!

Big_Ern · 06-13-2010, 01:07 PM

HAHAHAHAHA

Blindjimme · 06-13-2010, 02:08 PM

Sounds perfectly logical to me!

06-13-2010, 02:05 AM	#1
Neuromancer Will work for Boli GM's Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Marc Location: Lost in translation...near Newnan, GA Posts: 1,417 Trading: (23)	The New Draft... Cribbed from one of the pipe boards... Drafting men over 60 - this is funny & obviously written by a former soldier: I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35. For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while. An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-***.' If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling. They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way. Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed-off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. How about recruiting Women over 50....in menopause! You think Men have attitudes! Ohhhhhh my God! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night! Send this to all of your senior friends...it's in big type so they can read it. Hell, where's my rifle, I'm ready to go... __________________ "...pipe smoking is properly an intellectual exercise." ~ Christopher Morley, 1916**

06-13-2010, 06:45 AM	#2
G G BR549 Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Greg Location: Taylor, FL. Posts: 12,726 Trading: (10)	Re: The New Draft...

06-13-2010, 08:12 AM	#3
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: The New Draft... Nice!! __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

06-13-2010, 01:07 PM	#4
Big_Ern Still Watching My Back Join Date: Apr 2010 First Name: Ernie Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 158 Trading: (1)	Re: The New Draft... HAHAHAHAHA

06-13-2010, 02:08 PM	#5
Blindjimme Judgement Impaired Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: JB Location: North OC, CA Posts: 790 Trading: (14)	Re: The New Draft... Sounds perfectly logical to me!