IRS audit

D_A · 08-28-2009, 09:50 AM

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Ralph. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Ralph says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Ralph asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.'

08-28-2009, 09:52 AM

Hahaha.
Posted via Mobile Device

aich75013 · 08-28-2009, 10:00 AM

hehehe.

DonniePaul · 08-28-2009, 10:04 AM

Great!

Skywalker · 08-28-2009, 10:13 AM

I'll have to remember this in case I'm ever audited!!!

M1903A1 · 08-28-2009, 10:40 AM

Blindjimme · 08-28-2009, 11:03 AM

Useful and funny!

G G · 08-28-2009, 11:25 AM

Very funny.

kelmac07 · 08-28-2009, 11:51 AM

LOL!!

karmaz00 · 08-28-2009, 02:15 PM

good one

MedicCook · 08-28-2009, 02:18 PM

McSmokey · 08-28-2009, 02:21 PM

08-28-2009, 02:31 PM

That is a stolen/bastardized version of the joke told by director Quintin Tarentino in Desperado.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MC-anTRicQ

08-28-2009, 09:50 AM	#1
D_A Dave's not here Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: David Location: NC Posts: 272 Trading: (7)	IRS audit The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Ralph. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Ralph says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Ralph asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.'

08-28-2009, 09:52 AM	#2
leasingthisspace Guest Posts: n/a	Re: IRS audit Hahaha. Posted via Mobile Device

08-28-2009, 10:00 AM	#3
aich75013 Feeling at Home Join Date: Nov 2008 First Name: Adrian Location: Allen, TX Posts: 774 Trading: (25)	Re: IRS audit hehehe.

08-28-2009, 10:04 AM	#4
DonniePaul It's Cigar O' Clock! Join Date: Jul 2009 First Name: Don Location: North Haven CT Posts: 253 Trading: (4)	Re: IRS audit Great! __________________ You don't make salad with a chainsaw

08-28-2009, 10:13 AM	#5
Skywalker BABOTL Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Dice Location: Galaxy Far Far Away Posts: 10,168 Trading: (18)	Re: IRS audit I'll have to remember this in case I'm ever audited!!! __________________ Smoke what you like!!!

08-28-2009, 10:40 AM	#6
M1903A1 Have My Own Room Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 1060 W. Addison Posts: 1,573 Trading: (4)	Re: IRS audit __________________ "It's the cigars that bring us together, but it's the people that cause us to stay."

08-28-2009, 11:03 AM	#7
Blindjimme Judgement Impaired Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: JB Location: North OC, CA Posts: 790 Trading: (14)	Re: IRS audit Useful and funny!

08-28-2009, 11:25 AM	#8
G G BR549 Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Greg Location: Taylor, FL. Posts: 12,730 Trading: (10)	Re: IRS audit Very funny.

08-28-2009, 11:51 AM	#9
kelmac07 Resident Maduro Whore!! Join Date: Apr 2009 First Name: Mac Location: Newport News, VA Posts: 27,322 Trading: (218)	Re: IRS audit LOL!! __________________ Dom in the MLB thread "I could probably get you to wear a Yankee hat for a Maduro!"

08-28-2009, 02:15 PM	#10
karmaz00 Habanos Join Date: Dec 2008 First Name: Jason Location: victoria Posts: 1,855 Trading: (1)	Re: IRS audit good one __________________ Habanos Collector Since 2003

08-28-2009, 02:18 PM	#11
MedicCook Mila smoked my cigar Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Ryan Location: Schaghticoke, NY Posts: 10,946 Trading: (7)	Re: IRS audit __________________ 27 World Series Championship's "If your wife doesn't like the aroma of your cigar, change your wife.", Zino Davidoff

08-28-2009, 02:21 PM	#12
McSmokey Feeling at Home Join Date: Aug 2009 First Name: Justin Location: Tuscaloosa, AL Posts: 948 Trading: (30)	Re: IRS audit

08-28-2009, 02:31 PM	#13
DougBushBC Guest Posts: n/a	Re: IRS audit That is a stolen/bastardized version of the joke told by director Quintin Tarentino in Desperado. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MC-anTRicQ