Newfoundland declares war on US

markem · 07-03-2018, 10:31 AM

An oldie but goodie. Just gets updated with the name of the current president.

Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A!!!
President Trump was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hallo, President Trump, " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ‘ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well Archie," Donald said, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Donald paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment! We have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."
President Trump sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above," said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. "President Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
Donald was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jumpins, Lord tunderin! Two million, ye say!!" said Archie, "l'll have at call youse back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Trump! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Donald. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
“Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

big_jaygee · 07-03-2018, 10:52 AM

CigarNut · 07-03-2018, 11:42 AM

dijit · 07-03-2018, 12:14 PM

Wow!

nutcracker · 07-03-2018, 12:55 PM

Yep - Newfies for ya

nutcracker · 07-03-2018, 12:58 PM

On a serious note - I visited Beaumont Hamel some years ago. Brave buggers ....
https://www.heritage.nf.ca/first-wor...t-hamel-en.php

icehog3 · 07-03-2018, 01:10 PM

07-03-2018, 10:31 AM	#1
markem Bunion Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Mark Location: Second Star on the Right Posts: 22,625 Trading: (47)	Newfoundland declares war on US An oldie but goodie. Just gets updated with the name of the current president. Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A!!! President Trump was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hallo, President Trump, " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ‘ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!" "Well Archie," Donald said, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" Donald paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Wow," said Archie. "I'll have at call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment! We have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor." President Trump sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Lord above," said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. "President Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Legion have joined us as well!" Donald was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jumpins, Lord tunderin! Two million, ye say!!" said Archie, "l'll have at call youse back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Trump! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said Donald. "Why the sudden change of heart?" “Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

07-03-2018, 10:52 AM	#2
big_jaygee I'm nuts for the place Join Date: Dec 2012 First Name: Jason Location: Houston Posts: 3,914 Trading: (59)	Re: Newfoundland declares war on US

07-03-2018, 11:42 AM	#3
CigarNut Fck Cancer! Join Date: Jan 2009 First Name: Michael Location: Clermont, Florida Posts: 18,042 Trading: (111*)	Re: Newfoundland declares war on US __________________ Need Beads? Need Five Finger Bags? 2 of 3 Requirements for use of the CA Rolodex: 100 posts/ 60 day membership/ participation in trade (trader rating). New members can be added at any time.

07-03-2018, 12:14 PM	#4
dijit Have My Own Room Join Date: Feb 2012 First Name: Mike Location: Brownsburg, Indiana Posts: 2,186 Trading: (48)	Re: Newfoundland declares war on US Wow! __________________ Sporting goods raffle for a great cause. PM me for tickets.

07-03-2018, 12:55 PM	#5
nutcracker Shameless epicurian Join Date: Apr 2014 First Name: Neil Location: Winnipeg, Canada - Home of the Jets! Posts: 1,631 Trading: (26)	Re: Newfoundland declares war on US Yep - Newfies for ya __________________ "Well I ain't often right but I've never been wrong.... Jerry Garcia (R.I.P.)

07-03-2018, 12:58 PM	#6
nutcracker Shameless epicurian Join Date: Apr 2014 First Name: Neil Location: Winnipeg, Canada - Home of the Jets! Posts: 1,631 Trading: (26)	Re: Newfoundland declares war on US On a serious note - I visited Beaumont Hamel some years ago. Brave buggers .... https://www.heritage.nf.ca/first-wor...t-hamel-en.php __________________ "Well I ain't often right but I've never been wrong.... Jerry Garcia (R.I.P.)

07-03-2018, 01:10 PM	#7
icehog3 Admiral Douchebag Join Date: Oct 2008 First Name: Tom Location: Clermont, Kentucky Posts: 71,441 Trading: (60)	Re: Newfoundland declares war on US __________________ Thanks Dave, Julian, James, Kelly, Peter, Gerry, Dave, Mo, Frank, Týr and Mr. Mark!